Inevitable Divorce

upvotersfortruth · 2023-01-01T09:56:14+00:00

Be prepared for love bombing, promises and apologies after she rages. Be thankful you don’t have kids. Don’t let familial pressure or false hopes of reconciliation make you decide to prolong your suffering.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-01-01T12:46:14+00:00

The point of marriage isn’t to endure it. There is no prize for making a miserable marriage last a long time. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership cemented by attraction, affection, respect and love that you enter into to make it easier for both of you get through life together. It’s like you become a team of horses, and you both help pull the wagon, and it’s easier with two than with one. But being yoked in a team with a partner that isn’t pulling is worse than having no partner at all. Sometimes you have to give up on her. Not because you don’t care, but because she doesn’t.

With her cheating 4 months into the marriage, you've been living a lie the past 6 years. She doesn't respect or admire you. You are an ATM to her.

DocHolliday80 · 2023-01-01T12:13:34+00:00

I have also answered the same post as you. My situation was the same a year ago. I was also in a kidless marriage. I also was raised as a catholic and no one had divorced in my family before. I am almost divorced now. My wife has abused me verbally as much as yours, but she hasn’t had an affair (or so I think) or beaten me. And even though, I think I should have divorced years ago. I have been married for 8 years and at least last 4 sucked. She started the divorce, if not I would still be lowering my head and hoping that things would get better. To be honest, being alone is not perfect, but I am at peace now. Some days you will feel lonely and will find no purpose in life. Other days you will be fine. Being busy with job and hobbies helps a lot. In your case, I think you should consider divorce seriously. It could save you years of suffering, but you have to be sure it is the best for you, so you don’t regret it later and think you should have given her another chance (in my opinion, if she cheated in you she has had more chances that she deserved). I am also a christian, and my parents are very devote (I am not so much). In my experience, they will support you, so don’t be afraid of that. They will prefer a happy (or at least not unhappy) divorced son to a son who suffers in a hell of a marriage. They also supported my brother when he told them he was gay. At least in my family, love comes first that the rules of religion.

fewdo · 2023-01-01T12:00:10+00:00

Uhoh, someone hit someone, the man is an abuser. (Source Wikipedia)

Does your god want suffering or is he done with that?

Did you put in enough effort into fixing things that you will be able to say to yourself that you tried to make it work?

bigtallblacknbald · 2023-01-01T10:01:21+00:00

Hang in there. Went through divorce as a Christian and it’s a tough one - though dope we’re more understand than I thought (including both our families, whom I still love). Def praying and happy to chat if you want too.

One-Quality1755 · 2023-01-01T16:02:34+00:00

I know u guys don't like us ladies here but joined because my husband seems to be here to justify his behavior. He has cheated on me multiple times even with prostitutes n is only mad at me because I have the nerve to confront him. I'm broken but I'm still trying to protect him and our family. I don't want to give up but at this point I feel pathetic.

notnutnever · 2023-01-01T12:25:56+00:00

GHOST I SAID GHOST 👻

Boomer70770 · 2023-01-01T16:07:26+00:00

Prepare to be ostracized.

captainchippsixx · 2023-01-01T17:06:07+00:00

If your unhappy it’s actually killing you. Taking years off your life. You will regret waiting, she will not get better suddenly.

playerknowmore · 2023-01-01T18:02:02+00:00

No matter what you believe in; in America reality is what you can get away with. You have to be able to say fuck family I'm going to do what is best for me.

notconvinced780 · 2023-01-01T19:28:00+00:00

Being a Christian has nothing to do with it! Your respective families have nothing to do with it. It will not be “ easier” to stay together for a dual income miserable household.

Divorce Now!

Room mate if you want to split expenses. Go find someone who likes you! Then pursue a happy life!

frustrated_peen · 2023-01-02T00:03:34+00:00

Also a christian. When she told me out of the blue she wanted a divorce, it turned my world upside down. Had ZERO idea she was contemplating that as we vowed to never even mention the D word. Somehow, her perspective on marriage and commitment completely changed. That was one of the top benefits of me for being married and that rejection brought out a lot of hidden worries I had about dying alone. Fast forward, we tried to make it work and she half-heartedly agreed to almost a year of weekly therapy sessions (which were awful btw…the lmft literally let us fight about the argument of the week with no resolve and it just carried into the week and distanced us further most of the times). The hardest part was telling our pre-teen kids. They were DEVASTATED and didn’t see it coming since we’d hid it as best we could. Half a year later of separating, they are for the most part ok and are mostly concerned about having to take certain things back and forth between places.

Through therapy, I realized that I’d always idealized her unfortunately and the best advice I read is “take people for who they are, rather than who they could be”. The other mistake I made from Christian premarital counseling was “the two shall become one” and treating her like Christ treated the church. I’m guessing Christ played pickle ball or maybe took up cross country because they left the part about keeping your own identify, scheduled, life, friends etc. I thought everything I did needed to be centered around making her happy. In trying to do this, it backfired…she misunderstood a lot of the attention and the typical guy “let me fix things for you vs listen” issue was perpetual. We both lost our identities and in doing so, neither of us were attractive to each other anymore.

So basically, you and I and most of us in here are “broken toys” that can’t be fixed to our spouses and in most cases, its better to part ways, figure out who we are now and what we want with the rest of our life ie our values and go from there. My stbxw has made it very clear multiple times that we can’t get back together and need to move forward and i haven’t really believed it because of our context and logic. What I finally accepted is that once somewhere has created a story in their head and are afraid of “backing out of it” or “falling back into their old situation”, they’re resolute as hell to not reconcile and any effort is completely wasted time (I wasted two years after she wanted a divorce and my 2023 goal is to not waste any more time). Things could be worse…you could’ve been someone that funded a spouses business, paid for 85% of all family bills, begged to give head and was never allowed to, had no sex for 3 years, was a nice looking, all star dad by other couples friends standards and received ZERO for it in return. God still hasn’t answered why I went through it and I might never know. I just wish that I wasn’t codependent and realized I deserve 100x better more often :)

Title	Inevitable Divorce
Author	Ok_Statement996
Upvotes	20
Comments	15
Date	January 1, 2023 7:49 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/100erlm/inevitable_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/inevitable-divorce.1147716 https://theredarchive.com/post/1147716

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