Remember when you first began dating your partner? When you had intense feelings for each other? A time when you couldn't let go of each other, and you were constantly on each other's mind. Perhaps you are in that stage right now. Everything about your partner is exciting. Like most things, that does come to an end. That however is not the problem, the problem is, some people get stuck in that period, thinking it is meant to be like that forever and to feel the excitement that they first felt, they get caught up in a never-ending task of trying to relive or recreate that moment.

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The honeymoon stage while dating is important. It keeps you interested in someone long enough to know them and decide whether you want to pursue something long-term or not. It's in this period that you catch yourself thinking about what a future with the said person might look like. When the thoughts are promising, you might find yourself actively becoming more involved in their lives and wanting to start a life together. It's also during this time that we realize that the said person might not be good for us, but some people choose to ignore that (and choose to convince themselves how people can change, or they can accept the flaws in them) in pursuit of the emotional happiness that they are getting at the moment, but that is a story for another day.

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When the honeymoon stage is over, at some point you'll have to make a conscious decision to commit or let go. There will always be happy moments where you'll find loving your partner more than you've ever had or having deep contempt for them, but it is important to know that you might never feel the same excitement or emotional high you did while you were dating. Some might think that is bad, but it isn't. After you realize that trying to chase that feeling is like trying to go back to the Garden of Eden, which is impossible, you are left with the choice to grow and explore. And therein, lies your joy and wonder.

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Beyond the Garden of Eden, there is a lot to explore, a lot of things that will make your mind wonder with joy, and land to grow and create beautiful crafts together. Or you can choose to get stuck, unable to grow and move on and instead remain at the edges of the garden looking into what was, hoping to get back in.

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And therein lies the difference between people with successful relationships and people with a multitude of failed relationships. After the excitement is over, some people, knowing that they can have a future together, decide to explore the unknown and nurture their love and compassion for each other while creating new memories and getting even new feelings they didn't even get to feel before. This requires commitment and hard work, constantly having to check with each other and comparing notes. But you work through that, and you'll always be in a safe and happy garden no matter the circumstances because you choose to toil and grow. While this might be less exciting, it usually evolves into a meaningful and intimate relationship.

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The other couple on the other hand, having lost the excitement of the honeymoon stage, will try to do things that made them happy repeatedly hoping that it'll get them emotionally attached again. But that'll never happen, and unable to take the time to scratch below the surface and make a commitment despite knowing that a person might be right for them, they'll walk away to go find someone else who'll make them feel alive again. Someone who'll make them feel that excitement that they once felt. For those unable to move on, they find themselves stuck in an unfulfilling, emotionally unhealthy or toxic relationship. And the cycle continues.

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And it's only often in dire times that people realize that they didn't allow themselves to grow and connect with people beyond the surface of what was seen and what was. It's at that time that one realizes that all they have is a list of people they spent moments with, without really connecting. All that held them together was the pleasure that brought them together, and after it was gone, so was the moment.

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But what can you do differently? Avoid superficial connections. During and after the honeymoon stage, it is important to let people know who you are and also allows people to express who they are. If you can love them, and they can love you and still feel safe in that space, the world opens up to endless possibilities. Connecting and forming relationships takes time. It involves shading your skin and breaking down the walls that guard you and letting some people in. If all you share with people is a facade, because you are scared of what people might think of your flaws, you'll never really feel like you belong. You'll never connect because a part of you will always be in hiding.