Why men kill themselves: The warning signs most people miss

nigglereddit · 2013-08-06T08:57:27+00:00

Interesting article and I'm not surprised to hear that it's from The Good Men Project.

Blaming suicide on purely internal reasons within the victim is a very common - and absolute bullshit.

Visit the funeral of a suicide victim and you'll see family and friends wringing their hands and wailing that they can't understand why he would do it, he had everything to live for and all the people around him showered him in love and compassion, and lived to make his life better.

These are lies.

Firstly, we all know that no one's life is like that. Secondly, suicide is part of depression and if your life is perfect and amazing and the people around you are constantly supporting and loving you, you would never have an episode because you'd never trigger.

One of the most difficult things in recovering from depression and learning to live with it is distinguishing between the elements of your depression which are delusional (not real) and those which are unpleasant but real.

This is difficult because you'll probably have to face some nasty truths. And one of the commonest truths to have to face is that the people around you don't pay very much attention to your wellbeing and health because you're a man. Women are actually more likely to experience major depression than men, but four times less likely to complete suicide. That's because crying for help, even in a tragic and awful way like attempting suicide, works for women because the people around them actually listen to their needs.

Depression and suicide are far harder to deal with as a man because the people around men really do help themselves to their work, their money, their time, their empathy and their support whilst giving little or nothing back, in fact our society strongly frowns on men who say they expect to get something for their time and efforts. There's no point in a man crying for help, even by attempting to kill himself, because as we can see even from this thread (disgustingly enough), people will brand him "selfish" and "thoughtless" instead of admitting that he has a problem.

Is it really a big surprise that so many men feel used up, exhausted and unwanted?

It's high time we stopped blaming suicidal men for failing to appreciate their idyllic lives and perfect, loving friends and family, and started admitting that people who are ignored and treated like shit are the ones most likely to kill themselves.

anon_and_on · 2013-08-06T06:08:34+00:00

"SUICIDE kills more than war, disasters and murder combined."

Damn.

aussiehank · 2013-08-06T07:05:43+00:00

footnote warning : "full version of this article originally appeared on the good men project"

Luxpreliator · 2013-08-06T07:07:17+00:00

I use to do a lot of reading about suicide theories and while this article is a bit of an editorial that doesn't link any sources it is far more accurate to the motivations for suicide than what popular psychology proposes. If you really had to boil suicide down to a couple lines then this is probably the most concise list.

Chronic physical pain especially mobility limiting pain would be worth adding as well. Another thing that is very relevant to suicide is shame.

NiceToss · 2013-08-06T05:53:36+00:00

Reading that is really depressing. It seeks like I'm just steering my life in that direction. Not so much steering, but putting myself on that thin piece of worth, putting all my eggs in the same basket, working all the time, telling my friends I don't have time to play, breaking up my relationships because I just don't know and it's better off that I be alone than to not be sure, but will I ever know. Will I ever?

Clauderoughly · 2013-08-06T16:25:13+00:00

Feminism is to blame for the skyrocketing suicide rate amongst men.

Lets look at the factors mentioned in the article.

Thwarted belongingness

These days, I feel disconnected from other people;

Feminism has destroyed and atomized any concept of male social structure, and "male spaces". There is almost no place men can go to talk and socialize, and connect with their peers.

These days, I rarely interact with people who care about me;

Feminism has brainwashed women to see men as tools, ATM's, or walking sex toys, to be discarded at the first sign of no longer being useful. That, combined with destruction of male social structures, has left many of us unable to connect at all.

These days, I don't feel I belong;

Re enforced by feminism in the media, and pretty much everywhere. A man can't sit anywhere, where there are kids for example, without being made to feel like a pedophile. Man can't hold a gaze for more than 2 seconds with a woman, without being called a perv. Men are chased out of all their traditional work and social roles by feminists.

These days, I often feel like an outsider in social gatherings.

See above.

Perceived burdensomeness

These days the people in my life would be better off if I were gone

How many divorced dads and men are made to feel this way by feminism ? Men suck, all men are rapists, all men are pedophiles, All men are useless. All men are Homer Simpson. Men cause all the bad things in the world...

These days the people in my life would be happier without me;

See above.

These days I think I have failed the people in my life;

Men are to blame for everything, and can't do anything good. All the good things in the world are being claimed by feminism and feminists, men are the source of all evil.

These days I feel like a burden on the people in my life.

See above.

No wonder men are killing themselves more and more. Feminism is responsible for creating a society that loathes, fears, degrades, and enslaves men.

It completely removes any perceived worth, and blames them for all societies ills.

AsteroidShark · 2013-08-06T08:02:33+00:00

I appreciate and needed this. My SO struggles with depression and has attempted suicide in the past. Sometimes I feel so content with our relationship (we're a generally great couple) that it's easy to forget how potentially serious his personal issues could be. I love him more than anything and I can't imagine what it would feel like to overlook warning signs and have something terrible happen...

DarthRedimo · 2013-08-06T05:59:09+00:00

I don't have Perceived burdensomeness. I really don't like my mom and don't care that she would be better off and happier if I was gone.

Pornography_saves_li · 2013-08-06T15:07:14+00:00

[permanently deleted]

H33B619 · 2013-08-06T15:27:06+00:00

As someone whom has contemplated suicide, when things in my life were at rockbottom; I completely concur. Feeling like a burden to my family, friends and myself was the worst feeling. On top of that, feelin as if I had no one to talk to, or people that truly cared about me- which couldn't have been any farther from the truth- was soul crushing. More men are trapped in their own "manliness" and minds then people think. I was so thankful for the love and support I found in my family, and above all else; the blessing I received from the Lord. Yeah, I know most folks on Reddit don't believe, but I do, and it works for me. Follow your path and beliefs; I don't judge.

HilscherFarms · 2013-08-06T06:07:07+00:00

I don't like that list. The first two on that list are really the same thing. Malthusian thoughts and feelings of societal devaluation are one and the same.

If I had to say three things it would be that first, and then second feelings of monotony in life, boredom, disinterest in things that used to be hobbies, and feelings of pointlessness.

Then lastly, quality of life issues. Debts, finances, chronic health problems that go unresolved for long periods of time, and so on.

2013-08-06T19:20:20+00:00

Why men kill themselves, why they drop at ages early as 50, why they go bald, etc etc. There's a large list of "privileges" we get to have just by being men.

Title	Why men kill themselves: The warning signs most people miss
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	146
Comments	50
Date	August 6, 2013 5:24 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1jslo0/why_men_kill_themselves_the_warning_signs_most/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/why-men-kill-themselves-the-warning-signs-most.1167082 https://theredarchive.com/post/1167082

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