Hi all. I’ve been reading through lots of the previous posts on here trying to figure out what to do. My relationship (living together 21years, married 8 years this year ) was ended by my wife on Monday. And I’ve been struggling to get my head round it. Our relationship hasn’t always been easy and she has had two affairs that I know of. But these where back in the early 2000’s. It killed me at the time but I tried hard to move on, although there were things I needed to know but never found out I figured it didn’t matter if we were going to try and repair us. I know I was not always an easy person to be with (trust issues due to past trauma). Since we moved house 16 years ago things were ok apart from a two year period where I needed to get support for my mental health.

So over the last three years we had a completely DB. Prior to this we both seemed happy with our sexual relationship. I don’t think either of us was to blame for not talking about things earlier. I know she was stressed at work and I think also starting the menopause (I never asked or raised this as I didn’t want to make her feel worse. I wish I did ).I was also struggling at work. I have tried to reach out to her physically but she always pulled away again I didn’t push. She has never seemed to be someone who wanted to talk about us but I always hoped things might change. Sunday was the day she decided she wanted to talk. As usual she said very little and I explained that for me I still love her and perhaps we need to make sure there is us time, or seek support. Nothing more was said until I received a text at work on Monday morning saying we need to talk. The tone of the message indicated it was over. This hit me hard. I couldn’t stay at work as I couldn’t trust my feelings and didn’t believe I could hold it together. She avoided me and didn’t really say anything until yesterday, saying she felt nothing about anything and that she didn’t want to work anything out. I was worried by her descriptions of how she was feeling and asked her to see the gp which she refused. I still (perhaps wrongly) feel that if she had help things might change and I worry for her even if they don’t. The way she has acted is so similar to how things were when she had affairs. Part of me doesn’t blame her if she did and I said as much. I have always been faithful and although I had thought a few times about doing the same just to be physically close to another human being. I did ask if there was someone else which she denied. But then she did before even when confronted with evidence. So now after all the time and pain I will lose the only person I have ever been truly close to and loved. I’m trying to find somewhere else to live which isn’t easy as my earnings are not great. To leave the home that we have put our hearts and energy into and have many happy years in. I find socialising difficult, and tend to have people I talk to rather than close friends. My wife was always the one to have this and I’m happy that she does. I fear ending up a lonely unloved old man with nothing but painful memories and dreams of what could have been. My emotions are all over the place. I’m going from feeling everything will be ok to thinking maybe there’s something I haven’t said or done that might change things and feeling hope, to then feeling complete despair. I seem to have a constant knot in my stomach. I said would stay in the home until I can find somewhere to live that isn’t just a room in a shared house. I still love her so very much and could not bare for her to be the one to have to leave and try and start over. She can also afford to live here as she earns more. She would also have our son (already has a life and job) for company and our daughter doesn’t live far away. I’m not interested in fighting over stuff and things. I don’t care if she has the house if she decides to sell then we would split the proceeds although there’s still a chunk of mortgage left to pay.

I meant this to be about asking for advice but I don’t even know what I’m asking anymore.

If you’ve read this far. Thank you.