A friend knew and didn't tell me

ChiefWarBear · 2020-07-04T13:43:07+00:00

The good thing about divorce is that you find out who your true friends are.

MNCPA · 2020-07-04T14:22:16+00:00

TLDR - When the tide goes out, you will see who is naked. A divorce shows who is real and isn't real.

People don't like to get involved in uncomfortable situations. That's a fact.

As others have mentioned, divorce shows you who your real friends are. I had close 'friends' testify that I was a bad dad based solely on what my ex told them. Their testimony fell apart when asked to provide a single example of their false claims.

On the other side, I found out that my co-workers would take a f*cking bullet for me. I was friendly but not super close. When my divorce came, I had one co-worker deliver clothes/gifts to me during christmas because everything was cleaned out by my ex. I had another co-worker allow me to live with him while I got my feet under me. I had my manager contact human resources to stop my ex from stalking and harassing me at work.

All the best - hang in there buddy. You can do this.

caseyjshu · 2020-07-04T13:47:54+00:00

My ex was committing adultery and the guys ex knew but never told me anything.

Look, I divorced and left town at 55 low on funds. Five years later Im much better off.

You can do it.

Happy-External · 2020-07-04T13:46:48+00:00

No kids?

SpacemanLost · 2020-07-04T20:21:46+00:00

One thing that seems very common is that the wives are much, much, MUCH more concerned with what everyone they know thinks of them and what they know about what really went down.

To that end they will start up massive spin and PR campaigns, not just with "her friends" but family and "your friends". They'll usually start this well before D-day - as soon they are pretty sure it's going to go down (even if the husband has no idea yet). They usually have no problem retconning and pushing the envelope of truth, or even lying to appear sympathetic and blameless.

Happy-External · 2020-07-04T13:25:58+00:00

Why do you have to leave your city?

2020-07-05T09:22:14+00:00

You will be ok 👌 as long as you are not caged in with vices like alcohol,drugs etc you can just tighten the belt for a while and you’ll be good ! It hurts for a while just dont go begging 🥺 finalize the divorce and give it time you’ll see ! Time is the teller of all things ! ! She thinks it’s greener on the other side but she just doesn’t know it’s a septic tank leak . Good luck and be well.. with the friends go 2pac style on them “fuckem “

2020-07-06T20:22:02+00:00

One of her friends who I thought at least considered me a friend was someone she was gossiping about her affair with. I was her friends scout leader for a few years and when we started a new unit one of the target youth was her youngest child. Still, she supported my STBX in her choice to have an affair instead of saying something to the effect of 'look, I can't support your affair so please don't tell me about it or I will have to say something to your husband. It isn't right.' This is what I would do in this situation and I have been presented with it and I HAVE done it to the cost of a close friend. It wasn't a marriage but it was a girlfriend/boyfriend between two people who I was friends with before they go together. The girl at the time I had been friends with since 6th grade and the boy I had been friends with since the beginning of high school. The guy had been seeing her for a bit over a year and when we were out one night started cheating on her and I was like 'Dude!' you can't do that and he was like just keep it between us. I couldn't, I told her - she was an old friend and it blew everything up and in the end they were both kind of angry with me but ultimately I felt like I had done the right thing. He spun it as me wanting to be with her myself which wasn't true at all. Whatever.

playerknowmore · 2020-07-04T16:32:40+00:00

Hold on! You get to divorce and move away from your crazy Ex,,and shitty friends, and you are upset why? Friends choose sides and yours didn't choose you. Block them on everything, and move as far away as you can.

I didn't get married until I was thirty seven and didn't have our first child until a year later; my son was born six years after that. At fifty four women still check me out.

By now you should have a career that you thrive in, and time to work on yourself. By the time you get acclimated into your new environment the pandemic restrictions should be just open enough to meet women and make friends. Take the lessons from this relationship, learn from them and make them blessings in your next relationship.

I see this as an opportunity! Hell when you move you don't have to watch her move on. When her next relationship fails there's no coming back to you; because you are gone. Take this time to heal; then dust yourself off and enjoy life 2.0.

ctgjerts · 2020-07-22T02:26:57+00:00

How do you do that at 45? One step at a time, one day at a time. Make a goal list. Start working towards them.

Upside - you found out your best friend wasnt really your best friend.

nuclearxp · 2020-07-04T14:40:07+00:00

Well, these situations are huge double edged swords. Sometimes getting involved fucks up the kids lives and makes the situation worse. Also I know you’re hurt, but your friend runs the risk of throwing his wife under the bus for telling you when he probably wasn’t supposed to know. If you ask me I keep those friends closer because they know where their priorities lie and stick to it.

Title	A friend knew and didn't tell me
Author	mpellas
Upvotes	23
Comments	24
Date	July 4, 2020 1:18 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/hl36gt/a_friend_knew_and_didnt_tell_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/a-friend-knew-and-didnt-tell-me.1196921 https://theredarchive.com/post/1196921

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