My kids have turned on me. What do I do?

thebait123 · 2020-01-28T01:56:28+00:00

Both of you are adjusting. Give it time. You never ever give up on your kids. Read that 1 million times.

temporaryalpha · 2020-01-28T02:22:06+00:00

All you can do is love them. Love them. Love them. Let them express themselves. Tell them you love them over and over. You don't deserve it. They don't deserve it. Remember that they do not end at the end of childhood. Love them. Show them what it means to suffer their anger. Because that's what love is. It endures; it never fails.

I'm not saying this to be simple or facetious. I am telling you that your beautiful ones are hurting and they need you to persevere. Love them.

Lusterkx2 · 2020-01-28T02:07:37+00:00

This is “parental alienating.”

My mom did this to us when they got divorce. When we were with mom she would full on be extra nice, while simultaneously talk bad about my dad. My mom use to tell us how my dad hurt her and of course as a young kid, I would believe it. She did it for many years till I just started seeing my dad as the worse man on earth!

Started taking back to my dad till it came to the point I didn’t want to see him anymore.

Now that I’m older I realized what my mom did. My dad is awesome, just my mom subconsciously planting hate in our mind suddenly grew.

I’m married and have my own kid. And I see it. My wife is doing it to my child. I mess up a little and she goes, “look at your daddy, silly and don’t do it right.”

Now my daughter saying I’m silly. You see the effect it does.

Now I don’t know your ex wife, but I know women nature. She probably saying some awful shit about you when your not around. And the kids are hearing it all.

Good luck and you are not wrong!

Unappreciated for being a good man! What can you do huh, but to just let it go too. Breaks my heart you are in this situation.

Be strong!

WowzerzzWow · 2020-01-28T02:23:22+00:00

My ex did the same. She spoils my boys and I refuse to. They’re both getting to the age where they can decide to live with whomever. But, I’m sure that my son won’t because of all the shit he gets from my ex (and her mom.) Don’t let it get to you. Stay in their lives as much as possible.

danrule88 · 2020-01-28T14:42:32+00:00

Agree with others that you need to keep loving them, remember kids are so ego-centric.

DeletedLastAccount · 2020-01-28T08:49:05+00:00

May I ask what you did or didn't do to deserve your wife's ire?

I've seen some cases where a parent treated the way you feel you are being treated is due to the fact that they cheated or rather let one of their own moral failings cause the family's downfall, only to pin it entirely on the other parent.

That said, I can believe it's rough.

CM1822 · 2020-01-28T17:47:19+00:00

Welcome to the club!

MNCPA · 2020-01-28T18:31:20+00:00

Never give up on YOUR kids. Not ever. Not today. Not tomorrow. Never.

All kids need a great dad. Be that great dad.

Lusterkx2 · 2020-01-28T02:32:40+00:00

We hear you brother. It's just a phase. Yes, this is parental alienation. No, if you stay the course and be the best father you know you are, it will fail. They will see it. Give the little ones time. Stay... the... course. You got this. You're doing the right thing. God bless you in this. God bless all the fathers and mothers dealing with this horrible abuse.

henrysmyagent · 2020-01-28T08:37:20+00:00

She will ruin your children in her sad effort to be their "friend". You have a much more important job than "friend"...you are their FATHER.

They need discipline and structure if they are to grow into productive citizens. Your wife's indulgent bullshit will turn them into entitled, spoiled brats. Does the world need anymore of those?

Patenthood is not supposed to be a popularity contest. Confront the problem head on and be proud that your are the strong parent. Demand your full parental rights and save those kids from a woman too weak to raise your kids right.

Redhook420 · 2020-01-30T06:21:52+00:00

Is she trying to alienate them from you? The courts do not put up with that.

used2befast · 2020-01-30T12:50:47+00:00

Sorry to hear that. I'm dealing with something similar with my STBX. I feel she is alienating them in many ways but the biggest are 1. She keeps telling the kids " We're moving to XYZ City ( 4 hours from here ) and daddy is staying here". Another is " Daddy is bad " - I've had both my kids tell me that the mom has said that to them. The last is the continual showering of gifts and crap food. Packages almost every day from Amazon or Target.

WGT2020 · 2020-01-30T14:51:22+00:00

I'm going through something similar. Not divorced yet but seems like it's heading that way. From what I've read what's helpful is to document events. I've been doing that and keeping a journal with dates and times when STBX did something and when son did something.

I don't know if all the info I am capturing will help but it might show a pattern and having a journal that states your STBX said "daddy is no good and is a bad father" routinely over the past 6 months and that your children amped up their hostility over that same period.

May also help if you have "proof" of you kids being good before this. How there were spending time with you and enjoying your time together. Pictures, videos, letters, gifts they gave you and you gave them etc.

I'm doing a lot of this for myself not just for court. So I have the truth and if I ever need to I may carefully share with my children down the road. I dont know how that will go but at least I will have documented positive memories with my kids. Whereas they may have a brainwashed version of their childhood and how I was a horrible father. eg. If I was so horrible and you hated me, how come I have all this videos and pictures of us together having fun at your baseball games, fishing together, at your dance recital, etc etc.

It's tough. Please do hang in there and reach out for support. Either online or in person. There may be support groups for people going through similar things.

tinkerb3lll · 2020-02-03T23:16:11+00:00

Full custody equals more child support, don't do it .. love your kids, they are being idiots now, but hopefully will come around.

Title	My kids have turned on me. What do I do?
Author	expendable4341
Upvotes	17
Comments	28
Date	January 28, 2020 1:54 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/euylte/my_kids_have_turned_on_me_what_do_i_do/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/my-kids-have-turned-on-me-what-do-i-do.1201033 https://theredarchive.com/post/1201033

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