Quick relationship question (not domestic enough?)

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-04-15T00:29:17+00:00

I think it's reasonable for him to want you to dress up for him sometimes. I remember when my husband and I were just dating, money was tight, but I'd always paint my own nails and wear something cute to go see him. You don't have to spend money to put in effort. If you're only ever getting dressed up for work, I could see where he'd feel a bit cheated.

As for him expecting you to cook and clean, I can't be sure what he's asking from your post. Does he want you to just come by and cook and clean for him? If so, that's unreasonable and not something the women here typically advise, because it's essentially giving him wife privileges without the ring. If he'd like you to clean up after yourself when you're over there, that's entirely rational. If he'd like you to cook for him as a treat sometimes, that's also not ridiculous. If he expects you to cook and clean, because you're over there all the time, it's worth considering cutting back.

tambourine_goddess · 2023-04-15T00:29:53+00:00

You are not his wife. You have no obligation to play wife if he has not made you the offer of marriage.

Turn it around on him: how is he actively working to provide for y'alls future? How is he showing up to be the man that you deserve?

Quite frankly, I imagine that if he were acting put his part of the equation, you might naturally feel safer to exude femininity.

ShityistDisciple · 2023-04-15T00:36:24+00:00

If you work part time or stay at home women when yo man is working it's wise to cook and clean. If y'all both working around the same amount he has to get off his ass and support you as a team.

No I in team means both parties has to understand that.

BurgerMcKinley · 2023-04-15T01:00:36+00:00

From what you’re saying here, the guy sounds like he needs to work on himself, too. Work on his insecurities and how to take care of his space.

bryansodred · 2023-04-15T11:08:24+00:00

I feel like a lot of guys want women to act like wives without actually making them a wife first.

I also feel like a lot of women pick guys who are not husband material to try to act like wives too.

Its just as wide as it is deep.

RedPillDad · 2023-04-15T15:54:56+00:00

I can’t ever meet my boyfriend’s expectations.

Different possibilities come to mind here...

You're too sensitive - I doubt this is true because you don't seem to be overreacting.
He's insensitive - Guys stop paying attention once they're in a relationship, they stop acknowledging those small contributions. In basketball, players are trained to constantly acknowledge each other's contributions, especially a good pass. They'll support a teammate whether they hit or miss a foul shot. If a team stops this, the culture sours and performance drops.
He was spoiled - His expectations might be high because his mother spoiled him. Plenty of princes and princesses out there expecting partners to cater to them.
He's a fault-finder - He may be trained to detect and correct problems, many guys are. That works great for fixing a car, but people thrive on encouragement, not criticism. If he can learn to be a good-finder he will have far more pleasant interactions with people.
He's a momma's boy - Relationships tend to drift towards a daddy's girl or a momma's boy dynamic, where one partner starts acting weaker and more dependent. A momma's boy scenario is rarely sustainable because when a woman loses respect for a man she loses attraction.

I was guilty of 2 and 4 in my marriage. Things improved when I improved.

countrylemon · 2023-04-15T16:28:08+00:00

He wants wife duties while you’re still a girlfriend that’s a no-go. If he wants you cleaning his home you should be living there. Tidying up and doing a bit more when you’re over is more than enough. You’re not to cater to him until he proves himself to be permanent. I see no reason to change this behaviour. cook for him when you’re together if he loves that, irs clearly an east way to his heart.

As for dressing up, just do it??????? I don’t understand why you’d dress up for work but not for him either? I totally understand the bun and trackpants vibe because I live like that a lot but my husband likes my body in “cozies” as much as dressed up.

AutoModerator · 2023-04-15T00:21:55+00:00

Title: Quick relationship question (not domestic enough?)

Full text: Hi everyone! I was curious about what an outsiders perspective would be.

I’m working to be more feminine taking better care of my appearance and health, keep my space clean, cooking, and staying in touch with my feminine energy, etc)

I’ve been working on my boundaries/people pleasing as well.

However, I can’t ever meet my boyfriend’s expectations.

If I wear makeup and dress up for work, he sounds upset that I don’t look the same for him.

He wants me to cook for and clean for him (I currently live at home, he has his own apartment).

I don’t mind helping but it is not my apartment.

I don’t dress up/wear makeup if I’m just going to be at his apartment, but that seems to make him upset.

I’ll dress up if we go places, but money is a bit tight.

Am I just not getting how to be feminine?

Advice/tough love is appreciated

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Diamond-Breath · 2023-04-15T11:24:28+00:00

You both work why should you be the only one cooking, cleaning and looking good for him? Makes no sense. The day he makes you a housewife should be the day that you give him those privileges. Don't accept any less.

Dehydrated_Jellyfish · 2023-04-15T03:51:54+00:00

Women joining the workforce doubled our work not only with working mothers but also being feminine. You have to look good at work and on your days off. You have to be a subordinate employee and submissive partner. You have to learn how to talk to coworkers and a partner. To keep up the relationship, you need to make him feel like you are trying to keep him. That means dressing up even for a home hangout. Doing little chores no one else would do for him (for free). Giving him a peaceful environment. Hard work brings valuable things. Is he worth the work? Trust me, he won’t be the only guy who will think like this.

Sudden8308 · 2023-04-24T21:35:45+00:00

Physical appearance is important to most men. If you're making an effort to look good for everyone but him, he's going to feel disrespected. Respect is also extremely important to men.

Title	Quick relationship question (not domestic enough?)
Author	Realistic_Pass
Upvotes	15
Comments	53
Date	April 15, 2023 12:21 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/12mjeop/quick_relationship_question_not_domestic_enough/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/quick-relationship-question-not-domestic-enough.1214421 https://theredarchive.com/post/1214421

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