I feel less driven to pursue my goals in a high paying field as a woman because I value a traditional relationship.

jellybeanzandtings · 2023-04-23T19:58:33+00:00

This post has been removed for being off topic and low effort

toasterchild · 2023-04-23T19:12:17+00:00

I think you should be really specific about what "traditional relationship" means to you. To many it means the man makes many decisions without consulting his wife and pays the bills while she stays home and cleans. Do you still want a career or do you just want a degree? Do you want a guy to pay your bills or just spoil you with gift giving? Maybe you aren't looking for a trad relationship as much as someone who buys you things and likes to put together surprises? Honestly if you joined a dating site and called out specifically what type of guy you are looking for you might find him. The mores specific the better.

gymbronyc718 · 2023-04-23T19:30:00+00:00

Living your life to please others is always a winning strategy.

ZeeMark17 · 2023-04-23T19:27:43+00:00

Go ahead and get all the degrees you want. Just don’t make your degree your personality. Most of the time the degree is not the problem, but the personality of the woman once she has those degrees.

Some women end up looking down on men with degrees below their degree. And some women do end up calling all the shots when they make more. Some women do not have respect for men they out-earn by a lot. These are some of the things men think about.

Another thing to think about, if you and your future spouse both have careers, what happens when your careers lead you to separate locations? i.e. who will compromise on their career if his career takes him one way while yours takes you to another location? My personal view is that, a person who wants to have a career must find a partner who has a job. Hope this makes sense and gets you thinking about the future.

But still go get what you want but do not let your accomplishments alter your personality. Men care more about you as a person, your accomplishments are a bonus.

AngeCruelle · 2023-04-23T19:42:38+00:00

"Traditional" really doesn't mean much. Relationships and family dynamics have shifted too much over the course of human history and varied across cultures/classes to accurately describe a single lifestyle as "traditional."

Just get down to the meat of what you want. You want a man who makes more? The same? Less? Why?

Incel_Finder · 2023-04-23T19:43:23+00:00

Firstly I hope this is a genuine post. I say that because it sounds very naive. Which is at odds with you, the person who has these high level qualifications.

You seem to want to please others. That's the assumption I'm making. I'm probably wrong. But if it is that, it won't end well. You do you. Never settle for what others want from you. You'll just end up being a martyr and resent your choices.

Do your parents have much say in your decisions? If so it makes sense why you think the way you do. Plus it's fine that you have the traditional mindset akin to the conservative mentality. I just personally have not met conservative traditional men who have had the insight or capacity to create equality. So yea, you'll sacrifice something along the journey if you go on one with a traditional guy. Just my 2 cents.

MxMaster9907 · 2023-04-23T19:22:12+00:00

Fuck that, go pursue your goals, for you. It doesn’t matter what men want from you, but what you want from you.

“I make too much money and that’s a problem” said nobody fcking ever, that money is for you, to protect you, to take care of you. With a 50/50 chance at divorce, i wouldn’t quit my career just for some dude, and this is coming from a dude. Do what’s best for you, not your imaginary husband.

AutoModerator · 2023-04-23T18:59:52+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Ganajin · 2023-04-23T19:18:22+00:00

4 days ago you were looking at pre-med.

jacare_o · 2023-04-23T19:42:26+00:00

Traditional marriage (legal marriage) is dead/dying. The family court is against the breadwinner, and men are realizing this. They lose money, children, assets and more in a divorce, and there is nothing they can do to stop it. So the number of men signing marriage contracts are going down. Did you hear about the soccer player who avoided losing everything by giving it to his mother. Do you remember how much publicity that story got?

I'm curious. Would you be ok with a 'spiritual marriage' where you don't actually sign a legal marriage contract, but do a ceremony and exchange vows?

Suppose you find a high paying job, and find a man who earns less than you, but is very handy around the house, well built and masculine. Would you be ok marrying him and him becoming a house husband who is very handy about the house and also takes care of children?

armpitpics · 2023-04-23T19:46:51+00:00

But I almost feel like I am mentally holding myself back from success because I don’t want to deter any potential partners.

If you give up your career to live up to real or imaginary demands from men who can't accept a woman making more than them you might grow to regret your decision and resent whoever your husband is gonna be. Be very careful about what you're getting into.

midwesternMD · 2023-04-23T20:02:26+00:00

Presuming that you aren’t in grad school now…

1) if you want an MD, the soonest that can happen is when you’re 30.

2) if you want a PhD, maybe 32-34, depending on how productive you are in publishing

3) if you want to prioritize meeting someone and getting married by 30, you can definitely do so while pursuing an MD or PhD. It will come at the expense of being the top student, since there are always others who would forsake dating (or other activities) in lieu of studying more. But there is a reasonable likelihood that you’ll partner with a colleague/peer who is also on an MD or PhD track, in which case, you’re likely to have similar earning potential.

What I’m trying to say that it is not either/or. If you are a reasonably attractive woman, men will pursue you regardless of station. If part of what you desire in a traditional relationship is that he is the breadwinner and he treats you to xyz, then to your credit, achieving high earning status on your own will consequently reduce the pool of men who you would be willing to date. That is a you problem, and not a man problem. Similarly, if a given man cannot tolerate being out-earned by his partner, that is a him problem, and not a you problem.

You should think about what you truly want. If you want to be a physician or a researcher of some kind, then go for your MD or PhD, respectively. If you want to be a wife/mother, then date with intention. If you want to be a wife/mother in a power-couple type household, then go for your MD/PhD while dating with intention. Just recognize that whatever you pursue, it is more than likely that there will be trade-offs. And think about whether some of those trade-offs are acceptable or if they are dealbreakers. None of us can predict the future. All we can really do is try to navigate life in a way that respects our goals and values.

If being a wife is important to you, I would say that being fit (ie not fat) and not becoming a single mother will keep the most doors open to you. Whether that is a winning strategy or not is anybody’s guess. There’s a lot to be said for being overwhelmed with too many options.

I should add:

Many men here, myself included, state that a woman’s career has very little bearing on whether we’ll want to pursue her. I maintain that this is generally true. But when I was in Med school, you better believe that part of me knew that the single guys there would do well to find a partner either while we were students or later on, during residency. And if you were shooting for a competitive specialty, your options might be the best during Med school. Deep down, many of us probably preferred to marry another physician, but we wouldn’t turn down an attractive and supportive nurse either.

Title	I feel less driven to pursue my goals in a high paying field as a woman because I value a traditional relationship.
Author	Nice_Carob4121
Upvotes	4
Comments	26
Date	April 23, 2023 6:59 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/12wm4ts/i_feel_less_driven_to_pursue_my_goals_in_a_high/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/i-feel-less-driven-to-pursue-my-goals-in-a-high.1216576 https://theredarchive.com/post/1216576

Comments