Unlike a lot of guys here, I am not in a terrible marriage, no abuse, financially stable and upper middle class lifestyle. Married 30+ years. Kids are all thru college with their education fully paid, solid careers and on their own with no anticipation of needing to help them down the road. I (58m) have been retired for years after selling my business in my forties. Wife (56F) never worked, was a SAHM with weekly housecleaning service and other help. We have a really lucky life with all the toys and diversions that one could want although, as I age, the old adage of possessions don’t make you happy rings truer and truer. To add, there are no affairs that I know of.

So the problem is that while we have fun together and are good friends, my wife doesn’t find me attractive. I have asked directly if she found me attractive. She hemmed and hawed and gave a bunch of reasons as to why I might not be attractive to her without answering directly yes or no. Nothing physical with her in years so I assume I don’t do it for her. The interesting thing to me is that while I am not the greatest looking guy in the world I was able to date a lot of people before marrying and, for my age, I think I am average. My wife, on the other hand, has just continued to pack on the weight to point she is a BMI of 38 (obese) headed to 40 (morbidly obese), has a multitude of health issues related to weight and genetics and is not what one would consider conventionally attractive. She won’t do diets but wants to try some of the new weight lose drugs which are high dollar cost. She likes to find the magic pill rather than put in the effort to lose weight despite having a full home gym. BUT I still find her very attractive largely because of our shared history and remembering/seeing her as the young girl I married.

I have tried to talk to her, but generally get shutdown. I am at the point where I just back burner relationship conversations. She would rather spend her days on social media doling out advice to strangers than work on her own marriage.

With that background, my dilemma is do I stay in a marriage where my spouse isn’t attracted to me? If we were to divorce (no fault equal division state) both of us would be fine financially. Alimony would likely not be a consideration but if it were I could handle it. So financially there is no reason to stay and, conversely, no reason to leave. If I divorce, the kids will side with their mom and I will lose them and the grandchildren. On the other hand, if I divorce, I could either live alone (which I am ok with) or find someone else once I recovered emotionally.

Tough decisions for me - would be a lot easier if there was some glaring problem such as infidelity or abuse.