18 years old. I’m terrified and hold so much resentment against men and I don’t know what to do. Need urgent help.

jemelat · 2023-05-22T10:53:20+00:00

Fellow Brazilian here, I suggest you reading more about men so you understand why things are the way they are so you don't hold a grudge against men. In fact, this whole blog will help you a lot with relationships.

http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2011/09/feminine-beauty-is-highly-controllable.html?m=1

http://www.therulesrevisited.com/2015/08/ugly-girls-dont-exist.html?m=1

ase09 · 2023-05-22T09:38:29+00:00

Since we are on a red pill page the red pill answer is to lose weight. Absolutely ppl desire slimmer bodies and attraction matters. Taking care of your health is attractive to most. Reframe your mind around eating and exercise. It is a lifestyle not a diet. You should only eat and cook whole single ingredients foods 90% of the time and you should exercise 4 times a week forever. Not just for some short amount of time until you reach a certain weight. This is a LIFESTYLE

Second you need to heal. You can be beautiful on the outside but give off energy from the inside that you feel unworthy and unlovable. Heal all aspects of you which is a long journey so start now. I’m in the states and ppl love to say that you are deserving of love even if unhealed and I wish this was the case but men do not want to date broken women. Entering a relationship with confidence in yourself is far more attractive than entering a relationship with insecurity bc of the past. It feels like a project so most men would rather date the confident girl.

If you don’t heal you may attract a person who is also unhealed or someone abusive. This Is just what I witness time and time again. Bc you won’t know your worth and you’ll take breadcrumbs for love even if it’s abusive “love”. Abusers seek out unhealed/ insecure ppl who haven’t found out that they are worthy. It is essential to fall in love with who you are. Healing can happen outside of therapy. Read books like “how to do the work”, “the body keeps the score” start somewhere.

Boys and girls love the opposite characteristics in each other. Polarity attracts. You already see it, if you act like one of the boys they treat you as such. If you act like a feminine woman they are attracted to that. They do not want to date themselves! So don’t try to be or hang with the boys

Hope this helps. You got this.

dropdeadgorgon · 2023-05-22T10:13:12+00:00

Oh, I just wish I could give you a big hug right now. What you’re feeling is valid and a genuine result of your life experiences to this point. It sounds like you’re experiencing a similar anger to what a lot of our young men are feeling these days - we tend to gloss over the fact that it happens to women too! The social narrative is that it’s way easier for women to “get men” than the other way around, which just makes it sting more.

Disclaimer: I’m about to be a total hypocrite. When I was 18, I hated people telling me “it gets better” and “it’ll be different when you’re older.” But it really does! It really, truly does get better. It’s really encouraging that you recognize your situation is unhealthy and you want to take steps to fix it. You’ve been to therapy, which shows you’re serious about it.

@ase09 is totally correct when they say you have to work on yourself first, otherwise you’ll be vulnerable to abusers. I’ve experienced this myself when I was finally shown attention in my late teens by a man 10 years older. I desperately wish someone had guided and protected me. Honestly though, I’m not sure I would have listened- I was just so happy for the “love.”

I think the number one most important thing you can do right now is self-improvement. Not for the sake of finding a man, but for you. 18 is the oldest you’ve ever been, so of course these things feel monumental now. But in the grand scheme of things, you are so young! Again, I hated people telling me this, haha. But it’s true - I’ve come a long way since my vulnerable and insecure days where I would accept just about anything. I wasn’t sure if ever find a good man. Now, I’m expecting my first child with a man who blows me away every day with how incredible he is.

The last thing I’ll say is that it absolutely gets better - if you make it better. The power for self-improvement is 100% in your hands. If you haven’t already, dive into the sidebar resources. Make yourself a plan, and follow it like a prescription!

Give yourself some time, and some grace. If you ever have questions, need support, or just want to chat, please feel free to send me a message. I’m rooting for you!

chrisyankar · 2023-05-22T12:32:56+00:00

Hello. I am a boy. I am very sorry about your situation, but I am sure you can solve it.

The harsh truth is that boys are primarily visual. As others have already told you, I want to motivate you to develop your physical attractiveness to the fullest. Do strength exercises (push-ups, squats, pull-ups, and planks). Eat healthy food and avoid processed food. If you want to lose fat, a ketogenic diet, a bit of calorie restriction, and even an intermittent fasting protocol can work wonders. Coconut oil can also help you a lot. Similarly, it's good for you to get some sun to get good levels of vitamin D. Combining exercise with optimal nutrition and correct sun exposure will even help improve your body odor. Natural body odor is one of the great forgotten things in this.
I also encourage you to cultivate your more feminine side. You can learn to paint, play guitar, or anything that helps you express your feelings. You can also participate in an NGO. Regarding this, I don't know much to tell you, but I'm sure you do.

If you have any questions and want an answer from a sensible male perspective, I am here to help.

I'm sure you will achieve a great change and be very desired.

melon_madness · 2023-05-22T05:20:42+00:00

I was the same way but thank God I went to an all girls school from the time I was 12 to 17 so I never felt the effects of being an "ugly duckling" a lot. We had limited access to boys.

Buy the time I turned 18 I was beginning to look kinda okay.. pretty even. And that will happen to you as you grow into a young woman taking good care of yourself.

You need to start with forgiveness. First with yourself for carelessly letting other peoples short comings define you yet there is only one you and it is your duty to stand up to you and love you. You can no longer let your value come from other people. If it must come from somewhere, let it come from God.

Then forgive the people that hurt you intentionally or unintentionally. Carrying them in your heart is going to be so heavy and it will suck out the joy of life. Be free. You can't control anyone actions but you can control your attitude and perspective to it.

I wish you all the best young lady. I know, like all women, you have the potential to blossom into a beauty both outwardly and inwardly in good character.

TheBunk_TB · 2023-05-22T12:16:13+00:00

Time to heal. Have you considered continuous counseling and/or coaching?

Have you considered taking up lifting?

Arod-Reddit · 2023-05-22T18:48:56+00:00

Sleep down one rank and find someone who will pay for dates. Attraction will grow with repeat exposure.

AutoModerator · 2023-05-22T04:09:29+00:00

Title: 18 years old. I’m terrified and hold so much resentment against men and I don’t know what to do. Need urgent help.

Full text: Hi. First of all I’d like to say that I don’t hate all men. I know a lot of men are nice. Most of my friends are men, we play games together and hangout and I wish them the absolute best. I love my father and have an amazing relationship with him.

I’ll try to explain myself because honestly I don’t know what’s wrong with me and how to fix it even though I already went to therapy. But this huge sadness and hatred is just too much.

I have an extreme resentment towards men every time I think about romantic relationships. I spent most of my childhood being the ugly fat friend that none of them ever wanted, and had really gorgeous friends. So I basically watched and helped my girl friends getting into relationships, to an extent that every time a boy DMed me I already knew that he wanted my best friend’s number, or some advice to make her fall in love with him.

This all started when I was about 5 years old, when little boys in my class started putting love letters between the pages of the notebooks of my female classmates. Of course I was left out and this never happened to me. No boy ever even looked at me twice. I know this sounds so stupid, but this traumatized me to the core. When we were 10-11 years old, people started kissing and holding hands, and I remember vividly that in June (here in Brazil we have a party called “Festa Junina”, basically a party season with typical food and country music), people were paying me 5 bucks to try to match them with their “crushes” and deliver gifts, because they knew how unwanted I was. It is SO WEIRD not being the “nerd bullied kid”, people LIKED ME, they wanted me in their friend groups, they never bullied me, but they never tried to hide how unlovable I was. There were times classmates asked boys to lie to me saying that they liked me, everyone hiding behind the door to see my reaction. it was so unbelievable to them that i could be actually wanted that it turned into a sick joke.

The years went by, I felt like I was fucking invisible, and things got worse when I discovered that I could get attention from boys if I entered their friend groups. I started playing the games they liked and practicing sports with them and all of a sudden they started liking me and laughed at my jokes. Super cool, right? That’s what I thought at the time. But turning into a “bro” they could trust destroyed the very last ounce of femininity and self love I had for myself. Being in their group, I was treated like a boy. They actively reminded me of how unattractive I was, how I was never gonna be romantically pursued and loved, how It was so easy for them to be my friends because they didn’t want to fuck me.

I was also really private with the boys I found remotely cute, because I knew I’d be rejected, so I never said anything. Actually, when I had a crush on a boy, I used to present him to one of my girl friends so they could date. To this day i’m friends with two couples that I “matched”. Torturing myself was a vicious cycle, seeing them with my pretty friends was so painful, seeing them holding their hands and putting their hair behind their ears broke my heart and I never said a word. I cry myself to sleep thinking my grandmother will probably die without seeing me with someone romantically.

The first time I fell in love was in 2021, with a boy from my group of friends. I just was drowning in that feeling. I told him how I felt after some months, said that I just wanted to get that information out of my chest. He rejected me, which I understand completely because nobody owes me anything, nobody owes me love. But he told the other boys. And I became the joke of the century. They found it so funny of me to think that I had a chance with the guy. It was insane to them that I wanted to be desired for once. And I was so stupid that on his birthday, I organized a surprise party and when he showed up, he rejected my gift, threw the cake in the garbage can and said that he hated surprises and I was embarrassing myself. Everyone was there, all of my friends, and he refused to even sit with us and have a chat. I don’t even remember how I managed to not cry. I bought him some expensive t-shirts and I use them as pijamas to this day lol. Even when he screamed, no one defended me.

Now I have this huge amount of anger I can’t get rid of. I find myself unlovable. I told my parents I’ll probably never gonna get married and that i’m considering celibate. When I say I am a virgin, or that I never had my first kiss, or that I don’t know that a romantic interaction feels like, people act shocked. I feel so out of place and abnormal. So disgusting. I can’t trust men. I have never felt SEXUAL DESIRE. If I think about couples, I bawl, or get super mad and frustrated. When i’m out in the park or the mall, I get angry looking at couples and when boys my age are around My body reacts as if they are all a threat. I’m terrified of boys. I can’t believe in true love and commitment. I dream at least once a week that I’m always the bridesmaid in a wedding, but never the bride. I despise romance movies. I can’t read romance books anymore. I resent boys in a way that, even if one of them told me they wanted me, I wouldn’t believe. I would check if they were joking and mocking me. I can’t help but feel this way. I need urgent advice and help.

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countrylemon · 2023-05-22T11:52:41+00:00

You need to work on breaking your train of thought. Every time you look at another couple start talking to yourself about something entirely different. You have to be incredibly persistent with your positive inner voice, you have to be hard on yourself and tell yourself “that’s bullshit, I’m fine” even if you think you’re not. Once your brain starts actively thinking more positively you can start breaking down deeper issues and possibly try therapy again.

leonicarlos9 · 2023-05-24T00:39:03+00:00

Oi, olá, então eu cliquei sem querer no seu nick pelo celular e eu vi um reddit redpil feminino, eu fiquei chocado que isso existia. Enfim eu vi o seu post e mds, muito relatable, é muito parecido com o que aconteceu cmg só que inversamente. Primeiro que eu tbm era uma criança gorda e eu sempre fui assim, alguém não atrativo para os padrões, eu era sempre o "amiguinho extra" algm que ninguém reclama de estar ali no grupo mas se sair ngm se importa, uma garota tbm disse que gostava de mim mas era só uma piadinha de grupo

Inversamente como vc eu comecei a gostar de coisas tidas como femininas (tipo costurar, brincar de boneca no melhor estilo casinha, cozinhar e ler livros e filmes de romance), e então acabei em grupo de garotas, o que pra mim não era um problema pq eu nunca fui de ter mts amgs, mas eu comecei a ser visto como "amiga", que se fosse só por elas blz, mas era assim q eu era visto por todos na escola

Eu tinha algumas paixonites mas eu amei pela primeira vez em 2019, por uma amiga do meu grupo de amigos, um dia numa festa algm fez uma piadinha de a fente sempre andar junto e se a gente ficava, e ela só falou "ui credo deus me livre", eu ñ sei se ela falou isso pq a gente era do tipo mais zoeiro, mas aquilo doeu tanto, eu tive que segurar as lendárias lágrimas kkk, achei bem desnecessário. Ela também do nada com um monte de gente q a gente nem conhecia começou a falaar de algo particular que aconteceu comigo que me deixava mt constrangido e era bem pessoal, só pros outro rirem. Mas o fda foi num dia que eu ia me confessar e comprei um presente (aquele negócio de pescoço, esqueci o nome, scarf) e ela me olhou com um olhar que lembro bem, e disse que eu era um grudento incômodo chato, e ngm nem ao menos disse alguma coisa, foi quando eu percebi que eu nunca realmente fiz parte do grupo, e hj eu nem sei o que sentir pq apesar disso tudo, antes ela tinha me ajudado num momento mt difícil da minha vida, ent msm que ela não gostasse de mim romanticamente (o que obvio seria de boa) eu não esperava que ela ia ser babaca cmg

Então, eu não vou mentir eu acabei sendo um tanto misogno, não pq eu odiava mulheres mas pq eu tinha injeva, eu achava que pra elas (socialmente ne) era mais fácil, eu estava tão frustrado e focado na minha própria tristeza, que eu nem ao menos consegui perceber a tristeza, foi quando eu percebi que existem muitas pessoas, independente de genero, que eram da mesma forma e foi quando eu percebi que resumir todo o mundo a essas poucas experiências que eu tive, não era o caminho certo e comecei a ter mais esperanças de que coisas melhores viram msm que as vezes eu não acredite 100% nisso

Alguns me disseram pra mudar o estilo de aparência, personalidade e gostos pra de alguém que a maioria consideraria atrativo, apesar de eu não julgar que decide seguir por esse caminho, eu particularmente não quero ser alguém do tipo pegador eu quero ter um relacionamento com alguém que goste de mim pelo que eu sou.

E foi nessa que eu percebi que tem algm que pode ser assim, que no caso é eu mesmo, pq eu percebi que eu nunca realmente gostei de mim pq eu não queria ser eu, mas parando pra pensar não tem ninguém que me entenda mais que eu, eu sei que parece um papo meio torto mas no final vc vai ser o seu melhor parceiro. Eu tbm fico super ansioso quando garotas da minha idade falam cmg, recioso se falam mal de mim, mas no final do dia, não importa se tiverem falando ou não, o que importa é se eu aproveitei o dia cmg, se eu cuidei de mim e se as pessoas com quem eu me importo estão bem.

Eu absolutamente com certeza queria ser um casalzinho fofo e fazer coisas fofinhas de casal, mas talvez eu olhe para isso de forma superficial, pensando de forma seria eu acho que realmente não valeria a pena estar em um relacionamento onde a outra pessoa esta com você só por pena, ou por algum capricho ou pra se sentir consigo msm apenas, relacionamentos são para agregar e não pra completar. E por isso hoje quando eu vejo um casal, ei fico feliz por alguém ter encontrado uma outra pessoa com quem suas ideias e personalidade são compatíveis, fico feliz por ela mas não queria ser ela, pq eles com certeza são totalmente diferentes de mim

Bom, se um dia alguém realmente tiver interesse em ter um relacionamento cmg eu com certeza vou ter muito pé atrás, e se eu me sentir da mesma forma eu com certeza vou ser honesto e falar de todo o receio que tenho em relação a isso e vou pedir pra ela ser 100% honeta pra sabwr se é pra valer ou não. Provavelmente ter uma abordagem tão seria vai me levar pra um fora, mas é melhor isso do que outro relacionamento que vai terminar deixando os dois quebrados

Enfim, diferente dos outros comentários, o meu não é nenhum super conselho fda que vai te ajudar, eu só queria compartilhar um pouco do que eu passei pq achei seu post muito relatable, então fique e não se jogue em qualquer relacionament e se o fizer, lembre de não se apegar emocionalmente. Lembre-se a gente ainda tem a vida toda, se te perguntarem se vc tem experiência ta tudo bem mentir sobre o básico (só não vai exagerar kk) afinal de contas muitos ainda tem uma mente mais fechada sobre como as pessoas tem que viver ou o que elas necessariamente tem que fazer em determinadas idades, só não deixe isso estragar seu dia, lembre-se do que é mais importante pra você, se alguém entrar na sua vida ótimo, se não entrar, bom azar o deles

zmeuzilla · 2023-05-24T05:44:31+00:00

Hi. I can tell you that girls can be equally cruel. I was the ugly short skinny guy of the group. I looked 14 when I was 18 and not in the good way. I had freakles and had a fat face. I was always moucked by girls and I had problems talking to them. Some of the girls would act interested so to trigger me and after that they would mock me for trying. I was very confused. But things changed with age/ life experience in the work force. I started beeing more confident and looked elsewhere for girls. Mainly at work. Wich helped me overcome my situation and started dating for the first time. My problem was the way I looked and my confidence when talking. Once I talked those I was ok.

What I can say to you is: -Change your group of friends or distance yourself from these people. -work on your issues - your health. If you keep working in the things that are not ok eventually you will overcome them. -try to know other people. Maybe other people do not see you as you think.

How old are you? Some people grow up late, like me. I looked more ok in my 20s just by growing up. Best of luck

False_Process_2473 · 2023-05-22T12:39:39+00:00

Hey! I just saw your profile. You're so pretty. You just have to have confidence in yourself. You're too young to lose hope for love. When I was 18, not only did I feel exactly like you, but I didn't even know that it was all necessary, lol. Because I belong to a religious family, I went to all girls' school, and now, when I look back, it helped me a lot then, than to get depressed not being upto the standards/trends at that time. I've been loved a lot in my mid-20s, in terms of different potential, by genuine people, and now I'm happily married for 1 year. I'm 29, and I assure you, love and romance don't always depend upon the apparent beauty.

Loveenglishpeople · 2023-05-23T06:24:23+00:00

Hey :)

I too had problems like boys turning asking me out into a joke, no one ever asking me out seriously, no boyfriends… Yet you wouldn’t believe it if you saw a picture of me then, and you wouldn’t believe it at all if you saw me now.

People are cruel. A slight difference from the group and boom you are the picked on one. For all I know, it could be your interests, your personality that turns you into an easy victim /a left out one!

For myself I think that they didn’t think I was ugly. I have always been thin, and my face was always okay, I had long hair. I think that my clothes weren’t okay though. My family didn’t want to invest in that sort of things. Also my introverted unapproachable personality probably also make me unappreciated by boys my age.

At your age, boys are actually so so selective and stupid. I swear it will get better. Maybe not at 19-20, but definitely at 21-23. Your face will get more balanced as you grow into adult features, you can also loose some weight. Learn to dress like the hot and rich women around you.

But I know this : you will get a boyfriend. A nice one. Like I did. But for that you need to heal. It’s okay to not have experiences before the age of 19-20. It’s also my case. No relationship no first kiss and no sex before 19. Don’t obsess about it.

Think about it this way : while your friends were emotionally damaging themselves with no tomorrow relationships, useless ones, you are still preserving your heart for the true love of your life. Someone who will read those romance fantasy books with you. Someone who will love you truly and ultimately want to marry you. We don’t want attention from boys who just want to f us anyway right? So consider it an advantage : boys who are just looking to hook up with model like girls won’t go for us. So much less vetting.

You look absolutely fine, it will happen, keep your heart open.

OLOWalsingham · 2023-05-23T10:30:28+00:00

You sound like a lovely person. I know it seems like the end of the world but you are so young and actually I’m sure many women wish they hadn’t had relationships before the age of 18. Let go of the past and start now. Start practising polarity. Even with male family members and friends you can practice speaking and behaving in a feminine way that means they will respond to you differently. Then when you feel braver you can practice with men you have romantic feelings towards. When you start seeing the results by changing the way you speak and act around men it will spur you on more . The main thing from your post I noticed is you seem to be the one always giving, sacrificing etc. I would stop that now , totally chill and prepare to receive receive receive. Don’t do things for men unless they ask you. Let them lead make decisions, exert effort. If your brother wants to go for lunch let him decide where , let him pick you up, let him make all the effort. Once you get comfortable doing this you can translate it to your romantic life.

Zearha · 2023-05-24T15:45:40+00:00

My sister was the fat little girl in our family growing up and she got bullied for it by one of our brothers. She came to me crying three separate times because of her self esteem and not getting to wear what she wants and from being bullied. I actually got mad at her for not listening to me the first two times and told her finally to never come to me with this problem again if she’s not going to do anything.

I told her I know exactly what she shoves in her face and that she doesn’t need to go to the gym and workout to lose weight, I told her she can have her cake and eat it too, just don’t eat so much goddamn cake. She would ask for snacks like Cheetos and takis and my dad would buy them or give her money for them, mostly to buy her compliance. After this conversation she actually applied my advice, stopped eating so many snacks and the fat literally melted away. I was a little worried she’d have stretch marks but she doesn’t have a single one. She slimmed down, wears whatever she wants, takes pictures all she wants, etc. she’s much happier having followed my advice. I don’t know the exact answer for you but it seems your accident was being bros with guys and not putting as much food in where it’s uneeded.

I highly recommend not being friends as much with the guys, males cut against each other for a reason and it keeps them competing against each other and aspiring to be better, whether that’s good or not depends on the friend group and values and it sounds like your feminine energy is getting treated the way a feminine male would get reamed if it was socially frowned upon.

This suffering is not their doing, sadly. I’ve also never pursued someone who I knew I didn’t know liked me mutually though, that’s a key piece of advice. When the time comes that you take back your power and focus on yourself and get your glow up on, the boys will check on you and be drooling, but you also need healing as well. I don’t recommend young guys who participated in your trauma, their actions then can potentially speak for future actions. Eat less snacks, more nutritious foods, focus on yourself, working, your style, makeup, clothes, find your feminine, it’s there. It’s kinda like a muscle lol, my mom worked so she didn’t pass much feminine knowledge on to me so I’ve had to learn it myself. It’s taken a long time but I’ve gotten my acne under control and healed, I’ve found my makeup style that suits me, I’ve found my clothing style that suits me, it’s all out there. But you won’t find it for yourself if you continue to wallow in self pity. Taking absolute accountability for your direct or indirect influence in this suffering will help you see how much radical responsibility you need to take to start and continue your journey of self improvement so that you open up your life to the happiness you deserve. You got this.

MrHustleTopG · 2023-05-28T22:32:32+00:00

Get off social media and lose weight and eat better and learn to Lee some of your thoughts to yourself

ArdentBandicoot · 2023-06-01T20:30:55+00:00

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