Brothers, I need some advice. I’ve been married for almost 24 years (M49) to my wife (F47), and we have two kids, F18 - going to college this fall, M14 - starting high school this fall. We’ve been together since college. Like many of us, things started out great and have slowly deteriorated to the point where I want out. I’m an attorney and work ft for the government and make a decent 6 fig salary and work a regular 40 hour week. Wife is a physician (owns her own practice) and makes double my salary. She is a workaholic (married to her job and works 80 hour weeks) and her temperament has gone from nice to awful (she is unrecognizable from the sweet girl I married). I’m sick of it and want out. Despite working ft, I’ve done all the parent/teacher conferences, doctors/dentists appointments, clothes shopping, practices, extra curricular, projects, grocery shopping, errands, etc for my children since they have an absentee mother. As a result I’m very close to them and they come to me for everything (even when she is home). There is no prenup and all our assets were accumulated during marriage. We live in a community property state.

My question is what can I do over the next year to position myself as best as possible for a fair outcome (net assets are modest 7 figs, with the only debt being the mortgage)? I want half of everything plus primary physical custody of my son, and I know that given the choice, he’d prefer to live with me. Even though she earns a lot more than me, I’m a big reason that she has been able to be successful in her career because I’ve handled all the home/kids stuff, so she could devote massive time to running her practice and taking care her patients. While she would admit that the marriage has problems, she has no idea that I feel this way and that I’m planning on getting divorced. As cold as it sounds, I’d rather keep her in the dark, plan, prep, and bide my time and pull the trigger once I’ve got all my ducks in a row. I plan on speaking with a few top local divorce lawyers soon, but an open to suggestions on what else I can do during this time to give me the best chance possible to divorce without losing my ass. Thank you.