Lesson learned: Saving money on divorce process

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2023-06-23T13:03:03+00:00

I'm going to disagree with large swaths of this.

The first thing you have to understand about a divorce is.......you aren't in complete control. If your spouse wants to delay, you can't really stop them. If you spouse wants to file false reports, you can't stop them. If your spouse wants to fight over every cup in the cupboard, you really can't stop them. If your spouse wants to litigate rather than mediate, you can't stop them. None of that is your attorneys fault.
Cheap attorneys can end up costing you way more than an expensive one, and an "online attorney" is a fools errand. You're essentially going in Pro Se with an "attorney" providing you guidance.
One of the biggest mistakes I see people make is that they don't communicate with their attorney, for fear that they will run up the bill. Here's the reality: a single, hour long face to face with your attorney is far more efficient than 10 emails and all he miscommunication that comes along with that.

Now, if you really want to minimize costs and get the best results, I'd suggest the following:

Mediate, if at all possible. Many states require mediation prior to litigation anyway. Mediation is dramatically less expensive than going to trial.
Drop the "blame game". You're trying to end your marriage, not prove who's the worse person. In reality, trying to assess blame in court really won't change the outcome of the financial division, and also has very little impact on child custody (unless abuse or neglect is involved).
Don't fight over the little stuff. Hell, don't fight over much of the big stuff, either. I know you like that couch, but it's probably worth $100. Don't spend $1,000 fighting over it through your attorneys.
Interview your attorney prior to engaging them. Make it clear that your looking for an efficient and financially prudent end to your marriage. Make it clear that you don't intend to assess blame, or go through a bunch of legal BS. Make it clear that you're much rather prefer to mediate. If they don't agree with that plan, move on.
Avoid any opportunity for your wife to make false claims. Stay calm, and keep all conversations business like. Record all interactions (where legal) or have witnesses present when possible.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-06-23T16:56:19+00:00

Why would you be discussing anything other than your children with your wife anyway? Divorce is a freaking LAWSUIT. Do not respond, do not engage, do not tell them your intentions. IF for whatever reason you need to be interact with your wife act as if Jesus Christ himself is standing right next to you watching.

3x15 · 2023-06-23T14:11:55+00:00

I didn't get the most expensive lawyer, but I didn't get a cheap one either.

For our whole marriage, I've been the nice guy peacemaker that got taken advantage of. I hired someone who would help me be an asshole, within reason.

SkeptiCynical · 2023-06-23T13:55:35+00:00

Read the sidebar. What may have worked for you isn't going to work for any but the most cordial of divorce proceedings.

animalx3 · 2023-06-23T20:29:03+00:00

Hell I worked up front with my stbxw. As kids were grown and we agreed 50/50 we had 45 minutes with an attorney and did this ourselves. Few bumps along way but it was simple so far

Title	Lesson learned: Saving money on divorce process
Author	Adventurous_Rain_279
Upvotes	16
Comments	15
Date	June 23, 2023 12:40 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/14gxjt7/lesson_learned_saving_money_on_divorce_process/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/lesson-learned-saving-money-on-divorce-process.1223020 https://theredarchive.com/post/1223020

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