3% of women are virgins/wait to have sex before marriage

RatchedAngle · 2023-07-13T01:21:29+00:00

I didn’t wait until marriage, but my husband is the only man I’ve slept with. 100% of my sexual experiences have been with him. The only thing I did with anyone else was a peck on the lips when I was 14.

I’ve been raised in the traditional mindset “sex is for baby making”.

This could be a problem.

Although I consider myself traditional, I think this mentality is harmful. By advocating for this mentality, traditionalists guarantee themselves a dead bedroom. Women who feel ashamed of their sexuality are often the ones who stop having sex after their children are born. They view sex as a chore.

So I would make it a goal to escape that mentality.

Femininity is about sensuality and self-care. That’s why I never felt ashamed to masturbate. It’s me exploring my own body and my senses, and knowing my own body means I will be able to give myself and my husband a more enjoyable experience in the bedroom.

I think masturbation is healthy. I also believe it’s more of a necessity in women since physical pleasure is not as intuitive as it is for men. It took me years to figure out what truly feels good to me, and masturbation was a key part of that.

Men are sex-focused but it’s not about comparing to other women. You’re not fighting other women. You’re fighting yourself.

If you’re sensual, intimate, enthusiastic, and willing to learn (not only about him, but about yourself), you can be a fantastic intimate partner. But you have to be present. You can’t be in your own head thinking “okay am I doing the right thing? Will he like this? Is he thinking about his exes?”

The best sex happens when you’re able to let go of all the ick and truly enjoy the moment with him. Just you and him. Transcending conscious thought and focusing solely on the physical sensations and the raw primitive emotions that come with them. Good sex happens when you aren’t even having coherent thoughts anymore.

Like I said…for me, masturbation was huge. It taught me to be comfortable with my body and it also helped me get in the right headspace. I don’t watch any porn. The goal isn’t to get off with masturbation - the goal is to explore the sensations, take things slow, focus on my own imagination and paying attention to the way my body responds to certain forms of stimulation.

Please do NOT think about sex as if it’s a skill you need to practice to please a man. Think about sex as a spiritual, loving connection between mind, body, and soul. If you reduce it to “skill I must practice to be better than his exes” or “chore I must complete for happy marriage” it will destroy your libido.

Don’t ever cheapen your own sexual experience by using it as a metric of comparison to others. Transcend that nonsense. Sex is about enjoying yourself first and foremost. Don’t taint it with nonsense that poisons your soul.

worldlysentiments · 2023-07-13T01:39:46+00:00

I think this would be a good opportunity to explore what sex means to you without influence from childhood/media/etc.

You said you were raised with the intention it’s for baby making but, realistically when applied, we know couples are having sex multiple times a week in an “average” marriage, and if you’re having sex during all 4 weeks, THEN you are having sex knowing that it isn’t just for babies (as most women won’t be fertile more than a handful of days a month). If that makes sense lol, there’s more days in a month than when you’re fertile.

So basically, in marriage you will have sex for a variety of reasons: fun, intimacy, stress reducing, and making a baby if you want one.

That being said, if your significant other isn’t too interested in it and it hasn’t been a hot topic, it sounds like they support your choice. There are probably pros and cons to both waiting vs not waiting it’s just what’s best for you.

I also feel like a lot of people who wait end up saying it wasn’t a riveting experience after they waited lol and then people who usually overdo it by having a hoe period wish they waited longer. Catch 22. Personally I’ve lived somewhere in between, wasn’t a virgin at marriage but only had sex in committed relationships so it was a nice balance, cause I like feeling good and the intimacy sex brings so I wouldn’t have waited myself in general. The only time I wish I had waited longer was when I was a teen, but as an adult I was sound in my decisions ya know.

As woman we never can catch a break in society so we can only be true to us. If you wait, you’re a prude. If you let wild, you’re a hoe. If you wear makeup, it’s trying to hard. No makeup, try harder.

Only you can know what works for you!

ArkNemesis00 · 2023-07-13T01:50:43+00:00

Okay, bear with me if I come across as patronizing, I really, really don't mean to. But I was in a similar spot five years ago and I find it really cute hearing the things I used to worry about, knowing what I do now.

I’m waiting until marriage to have sex with my partner, but I’m worried because of my inexperience he won’t like me.

If he didn't like your inexperience, you would know by now. For most men, this is a plus, and it sounds like he's no exception.

The sex act isn't reliant on performance for women the way it is for men. I promise you, all you have to do is be happy to be there with him. Focus on holding him, touching him, kissing him, telling him you love him. He'll lead you.

You have years and years to learn adeptness at things like oral sex that are more skill dependent, and it'll likely be an enjoyable process for you both.

I’m also worried I won’t enjoy sex

If you're feeling attracted to him and love him now, I wouldn't worry about this. You have everything you need (barring a medical condition that makes sex painful, which you would simply go and see your gynecologist about).

How did you navigate this if you were also a virgin? Did you ease into your married life comfortably? Was your husband very accommodating?

My husband also had two partners before me, and I was a virgin. The ONLY difficult part for him was waiting. Our sex life post-marriage is pretty freaking wonderful.

We didn't wait until our wedding night, which was the only difficult part for me. Having pre-marital sex was a big emotional blow to me and I had a breakdown over it for a week or so. It continued to weigh on my mind. It was such a relief to get past the wedding and to just be able to enjoy everything without the guilt.

if you were a virgin and waited until marriage, do you think this significantly helped make your married life happier? Do you feel very attached to your man?

My husband is very happy with how things are. We both actually wish I would've had less experience when we started dating, never ever would've wanted more. He has loved watching me come alive sexually and loves feeling like I'm only for him.

I don't think I could ever be with someone else. He's the man for me. I'm so thankful for all the things I've gotten to do just with him. I may not know what I'm missing, but I don't want to. I love what I have.

throwRAflor · 2023-07-13T01:12:19+00:00

I'm not in this situation but I feel like you are overthinking and you should speak to him about all of this too! You'll probably be glad you did :) it'll probably be comforting and a nice conversation for you both. Honestly I don't think it matters much and it's probably cute to him

Tasssen9 · 2023-07-13T07:55:51+00:00

Good that your sex-drive is waking up, that’s very very good news for you. You have so much pleasure awaiting you, so much to discover😍 I would suggest to use this urge and start to slowly explore your body sexually. Listen to your body (not your mind and what your mind thinks you should do), learn what your body wants and likes. Be slow and patient, maybe do some relaxation exercises beforehand so that you are completely relaxed and make sure that you are totally undisturbed and have a lot of time… ALL the time in the world… Instead of going straight to the puss you can touch your arms, your neck, your chest softly, softly, and don’t go further unless you really want to… Touching the breasts can be key to open up for enjoyment down there, but they are sensitive so really go slowly… You could also read a nice novel with some sexy ”scenes” in it, something that turns you on and gives you inspiration. That’s how a lot of women discovery sexuality, just saying 😉 Don’t touch yourself in any way that doen’t feel right, just get to know your body and your sexuality. Work through any shame or fear that you have regarding sexuality (we all do, don’t we?), when and if it comes up, just try to just love the shame and fear. They was once created to protect you, but you are ready to release them now as they no longer serve you.

That way, when the day comes that you have sex with your man, you will be able to relax and enjoy much more easily. You will have awakened your sexuality. You will know which kind of touch you like and how an enjoyable intimacy is supposed to feel like which will serve as a map. It will be more easy for your man to learn your body if you know it yourself and you will feel much more safe with all the sensations coming up.

Your man will not care ONE BIT if you are skillful or not! In my first relationships I tried to be sexy, skillful, very experimental, the sex was a thrill for my partners but very soon that thrill wears off, doesn’t it? And they seek the thrill elsewhere… No, you want real intimacy in your sexlife, vulnurability, honesty. Don’t ever pretend anything to please your man. He will value your virginity higher than anything, yes I have asked my husband about men’s wants.

In my current relationship with my husband I try to be 100% me-focused in our sexlife, because the sex gets better for both of us. It was super hard at first bc I thought I was selfish, but I needed to start from the beginning bc my body was traumatized by some previous encounters. Men like INNOCENCE, sure they can have sex with someone sexy, but they marry innocence. All they really want in bed is to be able to please their woman (higher chance to do that if some other guy hasn’t already shown her everything or traumatized her in bed). If the woman enjoys, the man will enjoy no matter what happens. Bc they will feel good and secure about themselves and be able to relax. It will be a real turn-on for them if the woman can sureender to their lead and ”let loose”. So your job is just relax and enjoy, try to receive your man in the best way. And than you can explore from there. But let him do all the work in the beginning. Your capability to receive him in a loving, grateful way, your ability to enjoy, to surrender to him, THAT will turn him on deeply.

But be AUTHENTIC, don’t make sounds just to turn him on or so, his body will detect this. For you to enjoy you will have to feel 100% safe, it has to go very slowly, a lot of warm up with words, caresses and kisses. It’s very good if you can communicate around sex freely from the start, that way everything will be much easier. And it’s so hard to start talking about it like 5-10 years in😁 Express all your thoughts and fears to him… and he will be very gentle and provide you with that safety that you need.

AND ONE IMPORTANT SECRET!! Don’t ever try to be tight for your man. Relaxation down there is KEY to more pleasure for both of you😊 Few people know this!! Complete relaxation down there will also take away any pain. Also, if you can feel love during intimacy and be in your ”heart-space”, pain is not experienced. With time you will train your vagina to be more and more sensitive and receive the pleasure from your man and you will be able to have real deep orgasms.

Once you start having sex (when you are married?) really feel in to what your body wants at this time, don’t do anything that your body didn’t ask for. If, in the middle of the sex, suddenly you feel like stopping or slowing down, do that. Explore slowly, I cannot say this enough. Also, this will be more exciting for your man, I think. And this way you teach your body that sex is a 100% pleasure and not a duty. That’s the only way to keep your sexlife alive even after having babies. Your man and your sexlife will thank you later. 😃

KingOfTheNightfort · 2023-07-13T11:15:58+00:00

The men who don't like inexperience, don't stay with a virgin. If he chose you, at the very least he doesn't care about your inexperience but probably he likes that. Also, you will be better than the previous women he has been with. All you learn about sex you will learn it from him, so it will be what he likes. Just stop overthinking, and when it happens enjoy the moment. Everything with be alright, you will see.

Weak_Remove7884 · 2023-07-13T03:44:02+00:00

I was promiscuous and had a bunch of hookups and just want to say that you're doing the right thing.

Also, don't worry about skill, he'll teach you. Just don't use teeth when you go down on him.

the-alchemist- · 2023-07-13T12:08:49+00:00

First of all: If you have friends who judge you because you're a virgin woman waiting for marriage -- leave them. Those "friends" are more like pebbles in your shoes, they'll just distract you from true growth and will only bring you down.

Secondly: statistically speaking, remaining virgin as a woman is *the biggest* contributing factor to having a successful marriage. Studies show that the more sexual partners a women has had in the past, the less capacity they have to pair bond with an individual over an extended period of time and divorce rates skyrocket by extension.

Study on happiness: https://ifstudies.org/blog/does-sexual-history-affect-marital-happiness

Lastly: high-medium caliber men do not see virginity as a derogatory attribute, in fact it's the opposite. Furthermore, men will seek out specific indicators to identify whether a woman has a promiscuous past, such as many male friends, frequent bar trips, revealing social media posts, type of school she attended, tattoos, et cetera. It may even seem baffling, but this is the truth when it comes to trad con men who are looking to date for marriage.

On the other end of the spectrum, you will also find f*ck boys who as the phrase suggests are still children at heart. As proverbial children, they want no real commitment, no true intimacy, just recreational fun, think of them as fast food joints. These guys will typically be the only ones who want more sexually experienced women, because birds of a feather flock together.

At the end of the day, regardless of if you have experience or not, you are not the one giving during sex, so you shouldn't be worried about doing something wrong. Use communication, express how you feel when it occurs, that's it. Work on things you can control currently, such as confidence, becoming a better woman, things this thread typically suggests. Don't fall into the FOMO that some women get plowed through, this is ultimately to their determent.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2023-07-13T15:14:04+00:00

I’m waiting until marriage to have sex with my partner, but I’m worried because of my inexperience he won’t like me.

Don't worry about it. If he is on board with waiting also, he will like you just fine. Really, all women have to do is show up. Let him teach you.

I’m also worried I won’t enjoy sex or how to please him and he will suffer because of me or resent me?

Highly doubtful he will resent you. Just be willing to learn and to try new things. Don't make yourself nuts.

Enjoying sex is more a 'you' thing, giving yourself 'permission' to feel pleasure.

I’ve been raised in the traditional mindset “sex is for baby making”.

Sex is communion with another person and is also for their mutual pleasure. "Sex is for baby making" is part of the "Don't be promiscuous!" program that we put young people on for their own good, but which can also have repercussions in loving relationships and marriages.

He is a very patient and kind person & he did state he will be more than happy to teach me but I can’t help but think men are so sex focused.

If he's a patient guy, everything will be fine. I've broken in inexperienced girls before and really, all you have to do is show up and keep an open mind.

OkEstablishment6463 · 2023-07-14T00:51:19+00:00

A rule of thumb that’s helped me is to not take advice from people who don’t have the life I want and/or aren’t experts on the subject.

Your virginity is such a prize and he’s a lucky man to be able to receive that! It will help you stay with him, bond, and be satisfied.

There’s going to be so much opportunity you don’t have to be stressed at all! You’ll have the opportunity to learn and grow together. You won’t be the only one learning! I would just completely reserve that for your husband. I don’t think there’s any need to masturbate or gain ‘experience’ right now.

Just focus on choosing the right man - with your father’s help if possible!

chrisyankar · 2023-07-13T01:39:07+00:00

I am a man and I can tell you that virginity in a woman seems very tender to all of us. There is a saying that "men want to be the first in a woman's life, women want to be the last in a man's life". You shouldn't worry at all about the lack of experience. You can get this experience perfectly with him. It is enough that, when you get married and start your intimate life with him, you are open, with a healthy degree of curiosity. and little more.

CosbyTeamTriosby · 2023-07-13T06:53:30+00:00

Sex can be about so much more than just "pleasing the man".

I've had 30+ partners in my life and only now realize how fruitless chasing orgasms has been in both serious and casual relationships. It only reinforced my objectification of humans as sex toys.

Find a deeper meaning behind sex and realize that chasing orgasms is a trap - your evolution pushes you to fertilize and mate as frequently and with as many partners as possible at the cost of genuine connection with a partner. It uses the allure of orgasm to accomplish these means.

Read "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow" - you'll realize that your anxiety about how to perform is misguided. And if your man is primarily focused on his orgasm as a way to bond with you, that spells trouble for your long term prospects with him.

Big-Text-4930 · 2023-07-14T06:22:01+00:00

Similar scenario/raised with very similar values-my SO’s sexual history bothered me a lot-I wanted a guy who hadn’t partaken in any hookup culture as I hadn’t and I didn’t like the intention behind it. But-life can be complicated and sometimes people make choices that they learn from and move on from-it’s really situational. As for “being good” at it, compared to past partners etc if he is the right guy for you he will take care in telling you what he wants and helping you figure out what you want-and telling you that his past partners are squarely IN THE PAST. Please tell him it worries you-it worried me too, but telling my SO gave me the most reassurance. He’s not with them for a reason-and if he leaves or feels less happy due to comparing then he’s doing you favor-you don’t need that energy or stress. The right guy will value you for who you are and what you bring to the table-we all feel this way but we are not in competition with other people-and it’s hardest to accept this about girls your man has touched, I get it. But sometimes I think, well, when I was 12 I kissed a boy that I don’t want anything to do with today. I spent time thinking about crushes that are nothing like my SO, and while sex is obviously on a different level that these things, ultimately time passes and people aren’t the same anymore. The past only exists in your mind. Say his ex was gorgeous, smart, pleased him in bed, whatever it is-don’t let it make you feel less than or not any less his because clearly their love did not last- I would throw away all the time I spent on boys that weren’t my SO if I knew it would hurt him in the future-but I can’t do that, right? For me knowing as little information about his past flames as possible was ideal because I want to leave it in the past. Say he professed his love for her and thought she was amazing in bed and then she left him and he’s heartbroken? Well-that was in the past right-life is long-no one is invincible and you never know how someone’s life may change or what unforeseeable obstacles they may encounter or what flaws they have that they are not showing you-people change all the time in ways you can’t see because no one will show you their weaknesses or sad times-maybe at that time he thought something of her, but no one is who they were a year or five years ago. They were just practice for building him into the better man that you get to have-look at life big picture sometimes. If you end up together, at 65 when he reflects on his life do you think girls he had some physical history with, but didn’t live with him for years and give him a family will be on his mind? Talk to him about it and tell him how you feel-it will make most of these concerns go away, I promise

flower_power_g1rl · 2023-07-13T01:31:25+00:00

Not every man is sex focused. In fact, it sounds like your man is not.

You don't have to worry about not being good. It's men whose experience significantly improves their skills at bed. For women, of course experience helps, but not much experience is needed to make him satisfied. This is just due to the physical aspects.

For a woman to be good in bed she has to be emotionally expressive, and basically you just have to do the things that make him feel good, it can be minimal and he'll still like it. For a man to be good in bed he has to be passionate but also technically skilled, and be able to last for a long time. It's hard to explain but basically an inexperienced woman can satisfy a man better than an inexperienced man can satisfy a woman on average.

AutoModerator · 2023-07-13T00:56:50+00:00

Title: 3% of women are virgins/wait to have sex before marriage

Full text: As this is a redpill community, I’m aware there are more women who are virgins or waiting to have sex before marriage OR waited to have sex with their husband.

I just need your advice. I’m struggling a lot with feeling comfortable and confident :( I can’t speak about this with anyone irl because they judge me for being a virgin or having no experience with men at my age. Some even give me weird looks.

I’m waiting until marriage to have sex with my partner, but I’m worried because of my inexperience he won’t like me. I have never had sex or even masturbated before, like, I just haven’t and it never was interesting to me until I met him. Now my sex drive is high and I want to have sex with him as soon as possible (still waiting until marriage) but as he’s had 2 partners before I’m worried I won’t be able to compare. I’m also worried I won’t enjoy sex or how to please him and he will suffer because of me or resent me? I’ve been raised in the traditional mindset “sex is for baby making”. He is a very patient and kind person & he did state he will be more than happy to teach me but I can’t help but think men are so sex focused.

How did you navigate this if you were also a virgin? Did you ease into your married life comfortably? Was your husband very accommodating?

And the most important question I have: if you were a virgin and waited until marriage, do you think this significantly helped make your married life happier? Do you feel very attached to your man? Personally, I have the feeling I can’t even look at another man sexually or romantically and I haven’t even been intimate w him yet 😭

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bekkys · 2023-07-13T20:08:23+00:00

At least masturbate, it helps you get comfortable and experienced with your own body.

Big-Text-4930 · 2023-07-14T06:25:54+00:00

Everyone says that guys are sex focused, but past a certain age they get bored of exclusively that and want someone they see as an ideal wife, mother, companion, etc. and sex becomes only a component of these things. If anything, him having a sexual history can sometimes be better because he knows what sex with other people is like and therefore it may not excite or interest him-he’s already tried it. Men who stay sex focused usually don’t end up in a good situation-and if they marry just for her looks and the sex, divorce can be likely, so please don’t think you have to conform to that to be happy or have a good marriage.

Morphiadz · 2023-07-25T15:42:10+00:00

I'll be honest. As a traditional woman I could never be with a man who had had other partners. Due to my values I just don't believe in it and it would make me uncomfortable and would impact me too much. I'd never accept it. My husband was a virgin and had never even kissed a woman and that was very important to me, we have a very stable relationship as a result. You learn with your partner, you don't need ''experience''. It comes with time, and with one man and one woman.

Title	3% of women are virgins/wait to have sex before marriage
Author	desikittyy
Upvotes	18
Comments	28
Date	July 13, 2023 12:56 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/14y6699/3_of_women_are_virginswait_to_have_sex_before/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/3-of-women-are-virginswait-to-have-sex-before.1225096 https://theredarchive.com/post/1225096

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