Dating for the past few years have been pretty difficult for me. I'm always told that I'm nice to talk to or I'm sweet, but there's never any sexual attraction to me. The last woman I was dealing with was really enthusiastic about me at first, but then later down the line she eventually just admitted she's not sexually attracted to me. Its like I always have to ignore the fact that I have a sex drive because I know that I'm just not the kind of guy that woman would be intimate with for some reason. I'm not fat, I'm in good shape, I take my hygiene seriously, but for some reason I just don't have any sex appeal.
After this last situation I'm not even sure if I want to continue dating anymore. I know there's more to relationships than sex, but it really does make me feel like crap to be told "Hey you're cool, I just wouldn't ever think of touching you though." basically. When I was younger, like in my early 20s ( I'm 32 now) I didn't really have this issue to this extent. I dealt with a few people who wanted to be intimate with me. After 25 though I don't know what happened. I just feel like a loser.
[–][deleted] 17 points18 points19 points (32 children) | Copy Link
This is not the first story I've seen where men who had no trouble 5-10 years ago are suddenly having trouble dating.
But redditors will point to every reason under the sun other than "womens standards have gotten more unrealistic"
No wonder passport applications are backlogged to hell and back.
Fuck the western dating market.
[+]RopeorDope1 -11 points-10 points-9 points (31 children) | Copy Link
The funny thing is that passport bros are getting swindled left and right. It's like pigs leading themselves to slaughter while thinking they outsmarted the farmer.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (7 children) | Copy Link
It's mostly the balding old fat dudes who try to date much younger women out of their league. Men like Auston Holleman are having the time of their lives in Africa. He's a decent looking guy getting way better results than he did in America.
The blackpill still applies even overseas. It's just that you don't have to jump through a million hoops to get a woman on your level like you do in the United States.
[–]RopeorDope1 -5 points-4 points-3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
Ah, so you're more reliant on using your finances to get them to date you? Strange, over here, we just call that a gold digger. Is it something else when you go to a new country?
Also, im curious what percentage of these men look remotely like Auston Holleman.
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (3 children) | Copy Link
I've smashed women in Colombia after taking them to a local burger joint for a date. I usually get to smash by the second date if not the first. You don't have to spend a lot of money if you date within your league. And you can freely be yourself without having to worry about displaying any "icks".
And I'll admit most of these men are quite frankly below average in appearance and don't look as good as Auston. So they will get subpar results and women looking to squeeze them for everything they have. I look much better than the average passport bro myself. I'm 6'1" , I have my hair, and I'm in shape, Don't have the prettiest face but not the ugliest. Sleeping with average looking women that aren't prostitutes is pretty easy for me in Colombia.
https://www.youtube.com/@QBPassportFlexin/videos
This is another guy who does well dating in Mexico. As you can see he's decent looking, has his hair, isn't fat and he's 6'4" to boot. His channel is great because he's realistic about how women overseas care about looks and how it's easy if you just date within your league.
Dating in the west is like a minefield and there's a million ways to turn a woman off if you're not a Chad.
[–]RopeorDope1 -3 points-2 points-1 points (2 children) | Copy Link
So doesn't that sound more like the passport bros philosophy only works for a small portion of men? 6'1 and above are 14.3% in America, for example.
I wonder if those shorter and less attractive guys know that they will struggle much more
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Being a passport bro works best for decent looking/mildly above average men who struggle more than they would like to due to not being Chad. Many men who put in the effort to self improve and looksmax will fall short of becoming Chads in end up just decent.
A 4/10 can theoretically self improve to a 6/10 and then go overseas and reap the benefits of his self improvement. In the west a 6/10 will still have to jump through a lot of hoops.
[–]Wide-Illustrator2906 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Sometimes you don't even need to drastically self improve, just have decent social skills and know how to dress. https://youtube.com/@Czechineffect is a self proclaimed 4/10 but he's been all over the world and dating pretty women from every continent his been on without having to pay( he's 100% against prostitution).
[–]SoulBadguy0408 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
Tbh I wouldn't find dating a gold digger worth it but at least the assumption is foreign women are more traditional and I don't think men mind being providers as much as they want women who appreciate it that they are
[–]RopeorDope1 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Hopefully, that assumption is correct, or it might lead to some uncomfortable situations for those guys.
[–]Exciting_Pay_1898 1 point2 points3 points (19 children) | Copy Link
How would you know?
I've actually dabbled in that world, and depending on how much money you can make, it isn't hard to figure out a way to make it work. Like anything else, there's a learning curve.
[–]RopeorDope1 0 points1 point2 points (18 children) | Copy Link
And you are okay with marrying yourself to someone who is a gold digger?
[–]Exciting_Pay_1898 0 points1 point2 points (17 children) | Copy Link
That isn't a guaranteed outcome, but before we get to that, please tell me how you're an expert on "passport bros."
[–]RopeorDope1 -1 points0 points1 point (16 children) | Copy Link
I'm no expert on passport bros, but they follow a similar theme to other sex tourists. You can try to dress it up as best as you want, but it's still exploitation, and that's where the problem is. It's also pretty sad that anyone would feel okay with that.
[–]Exciting_Pay_1898 0 points1 point2 points (15 children) | Copy Link
Ohh, so when you said
you had no basis for making that statement, right? Even if you were accidentally correct, you had no justifiable reason to say that, right?
[–]RopeorDope1 0 points1 point2 points (14 children) | Copy Link
I'll play along. Based on that logic, this entire subreddit is asinine, correct? Because there sure are a lot of guys that are experts on women. From what penis size they like to what race and so on.
Also, I responded to someone else with links to back up my basis.
[–]Exciting_Pay_1898 0 points1 point2 points (13 children) | Copy Link
No, not literally every person is wrongly claiming to be an expert like you have. Is there at least one more person talking out of their ass, like you are? I'm sure anyone could find one if they looked hard enough. However, no, to write off literally everyone else who has ever posted would be an error.
I'm not going to go through your comment history. Copy/paste the reply here or it didn't happen, as far as I'm concerned.
[–]RopeorDope1 0 points1 point2 points (10 children) | Copy Link
Here you go: "you gotta keep in mind most “bi” women arent actually bi, though. they get drunk at a party or a bar and kiss another woman once and suddenly they think “they might be bi.” its just the usual lib shit western women tend to do. that’s why most of them end up in heterosexual relationships, as you pointed out."
"Its another brutal reality of the blackpill. Woma would rather date other women than the bottom 80% of men."
That's from the third or fourth post. I would hardly call that looking hard enough. It's pretty blatant.
[–]RopeorDope1 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/08/us/sham-marriages-green-cards-fraud.html
https://www.justice.gov/usao-ct/pr/new-jersey-woman-sentenced-prison-immigration-marriage-fraud
https://www.justice.gov/usao-sdtx/pr/ringleader-sentenced-immigration-scam-offered-fake-marriages-70000
Keep in mind that the USCIS only investigates 1% of these marriages, and these are for the US. We would see a lot more cases if the US laws prosecuted the Americans that were involved in the scams more often.
[–]Wide-Illustrator2906 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
What proof do you have of this since as you say "happening left and right"? And please don't say 90 day fiance.
[–]RopeorDope1 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/08/us/sham-marriages-green-cards-fraud.html
https://www.justice.gov/usao-ct/pr/new-jersey-woman-sentenced-prison-immigration-marriage-fraud
https://www.justice.gov/usao-sdtx/pr/ringleader-sentenced-immigration-scam-offered-fake-marriages-70000
Keep in mind that the USCIS only investigates 1% of these marriages, and these are for the US. We would see a lot more cases if the US laws prosecuted the Americans that were involved in the scams more often.
[–]Wide-Illustrator2906 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm not sure you read or understood the links you posted.These are all immigration marriage scams where illegal immigrants pay citizens to marry them so they can get citizenship. It specifically states that these were not real marriages. I have no idea what this has to do with Passport Bros
[–]mewbestpokeman 11 points12 points13 points (4 children) | Copy Link
Brutal. Digitally accelerated female SMV hyperinflation is wiping out the "s*xual middle class" by turning yesterday's normie into today's inkwell. This affects w*men too because the "s*xual middle class" is the only group of men that simps for w*men. C*ad doesn't care about any one w*man because he's juggling 10 of them. Inkwells don't care about w*men because w*men hate them. This is why w*men are complaining about dating too JFL.
[–]RatDontPanicAverage Unfrustrated Chump 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Women have created their own misery in the dating world. And I hope any asshole who checks my posting history sees this. 🖕 sit and spin fuckers. It's the fucking truth.
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
You're getting downvoted but your post is the truth. A guy like Auston Holleman would have never entertained the idea of going overseas in the 2008-2012 sexual marketplace.
https://www.instagram.com/austonholleman/?hl=en
[–]zastale 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Based.
[+]a-person-who-lurks -6 points-5 points-4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Imagine being so terminally online that you go out of your way to censor all of those words 💀
[–]RatDontPanicAverage Unfrustrated Chump 7 points8 points9 points (2 children) | Copy Link
LOL I was banned from r/dating and I never once posted there. Not even once. Like someone told them I'm some future thoughtcriminal or something.
[–]Puzzleheaded_Joke394 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
I wouldn’t be suprised if there was a mod for inceltears or some other gaslighting sub that also mods dating shitsbirds of feather flock together.
[–]InjectAdrenochrome[🍰] -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
They ban you just for being subscribed to this sub and PPD
[–]SadEtherealNoob69420BlackPill 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
cOnFiDence
[–]StockHamster12WhitePill 12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
He used to take more showers when he was younger.
[–]ZookeepergameTasty12 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Welcome to the reality of 80% of young men these days
[–]warramite 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
8 Years from now "I married a woman with a child, now she's leaving for her distant baby daddy claims we can be still friends"
[–]Lovedbythesunandmoon 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
It's harder fating in your 30's because most people that age are married and/or busy with life.
[–]EverVigilant1 -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
Some of the comments are gaslighting. But some of them are correct in that the man has to make the move and come off as overtly sexual.
So what the guy has to do from the outset is make his intentions clearly known and be sexually assertive, even a little aggressive. Make the woman speak up and say what she wants and doesn't want. Make the woman respond, or not. Make her make a choice. If she's attracted and likes him, and it, she'll respond favorably. If not, she won't.
Make her take a stand. Make her make a choice. State your intentions, make the move, and escalate. If she rejects you, she rejects you, but at least you made her make the choice.
Women have been saying for decades now that they're men's equals and that they are full sexual agents. Fine - make women put their money where their mouths are. Make women be the full sexual agents they say they are, and make them make their choice and say "yay" or "nay".
[–]MistyMaisel -5 points-4 points-3 points (6 children) | Copy Link
People's standards for sex change with age and time. Their expectations for relationships and such do as well. Especially the more they've been through the ringer.
The expectations for a 25 year old are drastically different for a 32 year old. The same is true for what is perceived as sexy and attractive. You start to want some salt and pepper on your man, a sense of world wariness, a somewhat dynamic fashion sense, etc.
I doubt this guy is some massive failure, probably just needs to adapt to his advancing age a bit.
[–]Maractop 4 points5 points6 points [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link
What do you think about the confidence comments hes getting? I see people telling him to try make a move and stuff. And why do you think people are denying that it could be his looks?
[–]MistyMaisel -5 points-4 points-3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
Well, if he was getting women at 25, I can't imagine he looks much worse unless he's super hiding that he gained massive amounts of weight, lost lots of hair, or is a heavy hard drug user.
It could be a confidence thing, people get worn down by bad relationships, work, family shit, and the general bitterness of life in ways that could make them less perky, positive, and pleasant compared to their younger selves.
I do think if he's not making a move, he probably should. Women his age are probably more likely to expect a move than when they were younger. That's the thing with being 30 plus, most people are really tired of experimental dating and will they won't they stuff. They want an easy nice normal dude asks me out, we go out for awhile with escalating physicality that isn't too much or too little, eventually we bang, we're bf gf, we get married move in or move in get married, hopefully live happily ever after. It's not fun to be anxious anymore.
[–]Maractop 2 points3 points4 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
How do you know whats not too much or too little while escalating? Every girl is different so how can you know what is too much? Its like a guessing game
[–]MistyMaisel -2 points-1 points0 points (2 children) | Copy Link
So, obviously everyone is different, but usually by 30 I'd think most men have learned how to walk that tight rope and largely find women who want to move at the pace they want to move at.
Generally speaking, ya should probably be consistently flirting once you've determined you have something of a genuine interest in the girl. And I don't mean you wanna fuck interest, I mean actually think it might go somewhere.
After that 1-3 dates you should probably at least have tried to kiss and been giving hugs and getting and giving casual touches, maybe have held hands at some point even if briefly. People have all different timelines on sex, but generally you should have been escalating from the first kiss with some mild consistency.
A lot of this is where getting to know the woman can really point you towards how fast she'll be comfortable moving. And keep in mind, that should, to some extent fit with you. If you're a dude who wants to bang on the first date, go for that if that's your absolute ideal. If you'd wanna wait months, wait months. Just be communicating your attraction and interest.
It's not a perfect science certainly, but it's not super difficult to get a read either.
[–]Maractop 0 points1 point2 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
So what about younger guys? Is it just trial and error?
[–]MistyMaisel -1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link
Trial and error is certainly one component of things I would recommend, yes. I think an often under recommended and pointed out one is observation of others around you.
There are types of people. There are types of people that certain types of people will go for or not go for. There are certain types of people who are flirted with and physically courted at certain speeds and certain ways, I would say. And you can figure a lot of this out by pure observation of the world around you.
Your first step has to be figuring out what type of girl would match your values AND would go for you. The simplest way to do this is to figure out your high school and/or anime stereotype. There's a reason alt girls tend to date alt guys and vice versa. You don't see a lot of country girls dating like theater major artsy dudes. This isn't an accident, it's a natural yield on proximity and shared values.
Once you've figured this out, it becomes easier to figure out what that kind of girl would want, expect, respond well to, etc. It also becomes easier to observe these kinds of girls and how men try to flirt with them and escalate to figure out what works and what doesn't.
I think a lot of young dudes make the mistake of swinging at every girl, or worse swinging at girls that will never be interested in their type. And not because they're ugly, but because their values just don't match. I have a younger dude friend now who wants nothing more than a goth girlfriend. He's a sweet boy nerdy jock who is in the gym all the time. We've tried telling him if he wants a goth chick, he should probably own at least one band t-shirt, go to lots of concerts, get piercings and tattoos, consider wearing black like all the time, stop working out so much, and not look so fucking happy about life. This sounds like telling him to change who he is, and it is, because who he is would never be attractive to the majority of goth girls. The real message we're trying to get to him, is: you need to pick a different type of girl to chase after. This one is never going to be interested in you.
[+]RopeorDope1 -7 points-6 points-5 points (6 children) | Copy Link
I noticed in his post that he only posted things like he was nice or sweet. It might help if he had given more details in terms of how he connects to women emotionally.
E.Q. as it's called is underrated for many, but it can go a long way.
[–][deleted] (5 children) | Copy Link
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[–]RopeorDope1 -3 points-2 points-1 points (4 children) | Copy Link
Emotional intelligence: the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges, and defuse conflict
[–][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]RopeorDope1 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
I think it's a mix. Yes, there's a general rule that the more attractive you are, the more you can get away with, with a lot of folks. The other side of the equation is the maturity level of the person you're interested in. There are those that are extra sensitive to any sort of affection or being considerate of them. They could be that way cause of insecurity or past trauma, but they tend not to tolerate too much sweetness.
[–][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]RopeorDope1 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm a guy.
As for your second question: I think it's partly naivety, partly falling into pressure, and looks can help too. And of course, there are cases where the guy does start off nice and lovebombs them.
[+]EugeneCezanne -8 points-7 points-6 points (7 children) | Copy Link
So what changed? He doesn't describe any significant drop in looks.
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points (2 children) | Copy Link
Womens' standards drastically rose.
[–]Lovedbythesunandmoon 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Or he got old.
[–]EugeneCezanne -2 points-1 points0 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Interesting theory. I can't rule it out, but it doesn't make sense to me personally. I'm significantly more successful with women now than I was in my early 20s.
[–]blebbyroo 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
Could be anything he could have the same job the same hobbies the same clothes or might not be escalating things or being too needy
What women want from a 32 man is different to a 24 man
[–]EugeneCezanne -4 points-3 points-2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
Wow, I was so used to blackpillers today this really threw me for a second!
[–]blebbyroo 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Black pillers would take that logical and reasonable fact as a black pill lol
[–]ItoshiSae10 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
I mean i agree so i dont get your point?
[–]FortniteAbobusWhitePill 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
Then stop doin' it.