Money.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2023-07-27T21:41:42+00:00

If I asked for details or to know exactly how much he spent, he will feel like I don't trust him and that I'm trying to control him.

So, in this marriage, you're the guy. Welcome to TeamDude. Has he said anything like the above or are is this simply a (possibly justified) idea that you have?

I start getting resentful because I'm denying myself the things I'd like, and he is not.

So don't. You are entitled to spend your $, that you earn, the way you want to provided you are meeting your share of agreed, common obligations.

I don't know how to address it and maintain this very loving and happy marriage that we've built.

You might bring it up in terms of planning for retirement/getting a second home in a retirement state/smth else. It does make sense to figure these things out, so it's a fair topic for discussion. Good luck.

morbidityofanother · 2023-07-27T21:22:16+00:00

You knew what his spending/saving habits were before you married him, and you decided to financially bind yourself to him anyway. You have made your bed. Men do not want you to nag at them about how they use their personal money. I've been there, I've done it, it just makes them feel like you don't trust them to care for you. Which you don't. You decided to maintain separate accounts, and now you're upset about how he uses his account. That defeats the purpose of having separate accounts. Stop trying to control him. You are not in the pit, you're not gonna lose your house, you're not hungry, and I'm assuming you'll have enough savings to live relatively comfortably when you retire. That is what matters. Everything else is a want.

My husband will make a lot of money next year, and literally the only reason I plan to work at all is because I will save every penny I make and put it into retirement, so we can just spend his paychecks. It's not about who is doing the saving, it's about how much you have as a unit. You are one in marriage, not separate.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-07-27T19:20:40+00:00

>If I asked for details or to know exactly how much he spent, he will feel like I don't trust him and that I'm trying to control him.

He would feel that way because that's what you'd be doing. You DON'T trust him. And your first thought is controlling - that he should change his spending.

A conversation about retirement spending and goals (and making sure you aren't drastically mismatched in lifestyle ability once you do retire) shouldn't involve second-guessing purchases he's making right now. Let him know you're having anxiety about retirement savings, worry that you two may have different expectations (a lot of people don't realize the 1MM benchmark is no longer ideal), and ask if you can have insight into what he budgets each month for retirement so you're less worried. Let him know right now you have this mindset/fear that "when we retire we will be living off mostly off my savings" and see if that's actually his expectation too. Considering that you'll be paying for your post-retirement lifestyle together, the retirement fund budgeting is more akin to your common funds you should both have insight into. But heck, there could even be something like his family keeling over at 75 on the regular while yours often makes it to 100 impacting your thought processes. Or he's expecting an inheritance and banking on that. Who knows.

vintagegirlgame · 2023-07-27T21:48:43+00:00

Laura Doyle’s last step of surrendering is to Surrender the Finances. There’s a reason why this is the last part of her program, bc it can be the most difficult and really requires a huge leap of faith.

If you’re new to these feminine principles keep practicing while also trying to “stay off his paper” (in this case the literal bills.) When you get more confident and experienced, consider handing him full control of the finances (including both retirement accounts). In LD’s experience, men really step up to this new responsibility, take it seriously, and become more responsible with finances when they know it’s all up to them.

AutoModerator · 2023-07-27T19:00:54+00:00

Title: Money.

Full text: Seeking advice. Second marriage, fairly new to the red pill way- but it's working really really well for my marriage! Where I'm struggling is in financial issues. Situation: I make a bit more than my husband and have saved about triple the amount he has for retirement. In general I am much more frugal than he is. He lives within his means but has expensive hobbies and didn't start saving for retirement until nearly middle age. Since we married a couple years ago this pattern has continued. I continue to be much more frugal than he is. We have our own separate accounts with most of our money, and one small joint account for common bills, so I don't have much visibility into exactly what's going on with his finances, but I know he's spent quite a bit in the last few months on his hobbies. If I asked for details or to know exactly how much he spent, he will feel like I don't trust him and that I'm trying to control him. After all, he's a grown man, a combat vet, and he has been taking care of himself for a long time. He's not going to go into debt or anything. But the more he spends, the more frugal I get- almost like I'm trying to make up for it. Then I start getting resentful because I'm denying myself the things I'd like, and he is not. When we retire we will be living off mostly off my savings. I love him and and I respect him and I want to be with him forever. He is upstanding and honorable and masculine, and he treats me so well. I hate that this is even cropping up for me, but I don't know how to address it and maintain this very loving and happy marriage that we've built.

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Title	Money.
Author	lifelonglistener
Upvotes	8
Comments	29
Date	July 27, 2023 7:00 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/15ba9db/money/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/money.1226651 https://theredarchive.com/post/1226651

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