Tdlr: my male best friend mistreated and broke up with his longtime gf when I moved back in town. I overlooked some weird comments he’s made at me but thought everything through last night. This made me realize that having a straight male best friend is not always healthy.

I 23f, have a male best friend who’s been my friend since 16. Never tried to kiss me once nor hugged me for more than 2 seconds, always a side hug. He knows so much about me and vice versa. I started to view him like a family member and never developed any feelings. I moved overseas with parents at 17 and returned to our city (leaving parents behind) when I was 21. Which makes the majority of our interactions online.

All my high school friends left and he is the only one that remained in the city. Naturally, I grew even closer to him because he’s the only familiar face. He had a girlfriend and they had been dating for almost 3 years. She’s always been nice to me. 23m started acting weird when I came back. Would have an attitude when I would talk about my boyfriend at the time, but I wouldn’t notice because he’s throw jabs directed at me rather than my bf. I moved across to country for school and my bf a couple weeks later.

23m would visit my state. Sometimes he’d fly in last minute and would get offended that I wouldn’t drop all my plans to see him. Even accused me of lying about my bf because he’s never met him nor seen photos of us together..

I moved back to our state. 23m’s gf and I got close so she was complaining about their relationship. She told me that he changed, and is less affectionate. I noticed that he would act reluctant whenever she’d do simple things such as hug him in public. I know not everyone’s into PDA, but apparently he wasn’t like that before.

Things started getting weirder when I was about to marry my bf. 23m had already broken up with his gf. BF and I consulted the courthouse and all. Ofc I tell everything to 23m and he became EXTREMELY clingy. Coming over everyday and falling asleep on my couch. Kept on asking if the marriage is actually going to happen. Even my bf was asking me if 23m liked me but I’m just not realizing it, my mother questioned it too.

Well the marriage got called off. I saw a shift in 23m, he wasn’t clingy or moody anymore.

My first realization was when he made a weird comment with the AI baby trend. He jokingly said I should mix both our faces to see what our kids would look like. I was caught so off guard, because I see this guy as FAMILY - my brothers would never ask me that, even as a joke. He said we can prank our classmates by saying we have a baby together.. a couple years back he asked me if my vagina still looks/ feel the same, after I had a still birth. I thought he was being curious for when he will eventually have kids, but that was weird.

And lately he started taking me out to restaurants. Made a joke about me being his wife when someone thought we were together. Would also always ask when I would start having kids, and if I had anyone in mind.

That’s the last time I saw him. Everything clicked. The mistreatment of his now ex, and the weird comments. He still sees her from time to time and I would get excited when he’d pass her on the phone. But would always tell me that he’s not into her anymore. He also frustratingly asked me why I like her so much and why I want them back together?

He’s been extremely helpful but this started to become an asexual one sided relationship. He hovered over me too much to the point that it was hard for me to make time for other friends, work and even dating. The fact that he was always around me also serves as a “cock-block”.

I stayed his friend this long because I like him as a person but not a partner. We are so different. He prefers the suburbs, I like the city. He likes adventurous stuff like rock climbing, hiking etc. I prefer walking around the city or going to concerts. The weird thing is that he claimed the reason for breaking up with his gf is for that exact reason, but why is he able to spend that much time with me when I’ve always been that way?

If I actually was attracted to him, this wouldn’t be an issue to date my friend of many years. But I don’t want to ward off my dating pool, and invest so much time into someone that I don’t want a relationship with. I also noticed that he has a lot more female friends compared to male. I’ve actually never been introduced to a male friend of his.

I’ve started to make more female friendships the past year and I feel so much better. He’s my only male friend and I decided to distance myself from him. There were periods when I wouldn’t talk to him last year, and I was a lot more productive.

I want to be in a serious relationship, and I know that a serious man would be uncomfortable with me having a male best friend who isn’t related to me. Looked up a couple videos on YouTube, and a man said in these types of friendships, the man is too scared to be upfront and would rather wait for the woman to slip up one day. Some may wait for a decade, with the agenda remaining in their head the whole time..

Thank you for reading my rant. This was a lot to unpack, I wish I realized sooner.