STBXW is off on vacation, here's my chance.

life-is-short- · 2023-10-31T11:49:24+00:00

Looks similar to my ex. She got green card money and moved on. 1. Do an appraisal of house as your marital part still can be calculated beginning of the marriage 2. Yes. There is online company I used to do assessment. But you need to provide all statements. Just search for QDRO. I paid $600. 3. Do not by default provide information for all assets that she do not know about. I was stupid and disclosed everything. But she never came back with all she had. 4. If no fault state then no. Unless you have kids where this could influence custody. Hope you did not adopted her own kids 5. Cars are assets. Do KBB on all of them and add to the spreadsheet 6. Not sure what you mean. But you can drive it if you want. 7. Not sure why but you can. You can support any person of the street. Just keep in mind if this is women she can claim to be your unofficial wife. :-) 8. Yes. You can demand disclosure via court order. Normally all assets can be traced unless they are overseas and never landed in US 9. No 10. It depends on assets type. Her clothes, jewelry, etc. normally out of division unless high price stuff. Example AP watches. 11. There is no such thing as not enough. If it is profit it must be disclosed. 12. Most probably yes. Heck with CPS.

AdrianInLimbo · 2023-10-31T09:16:05+00:00

Wow, so much to unpack, but she sounds 95% like my ex.

Girls Trip/Genealogy Trip, what a stretch to hide a vacation with some guy.

From the number of affair partners (7, I know of and the final one was the next door neighbor whom she now lives with), to lying about being a nurse (mine has 1 semester of community college before I met her, she told me she was a nurse and had a master's degree,lol).

Fake cancer, multiple times (she did legitimately have breast cancer once, but that's the only incidence where anyone was allowed to go to any of the treatments, so the only one that was verifiable).

Cheated on, and abandoned first husband with 3 kids under 3 (2 of them products of an affair in that marriage and she skipped out on $53k in child support to him).

If yours is like mine, she's BPD, and likely has deeper psychological issues. The cheating, unfortunately, doesn't matter in most of the US or Canada in a divorce, but check with your local lawyer. She's gonna get her half, most likely.

This is your chance to get the hell away from her, and rebuild your life. It took me a couple years to figure out, but we are victims of abuse when married to these women who lie, cheat and emotionally abused us and our kids.

Gattsama · 2023-10-31T09:13:22+00:00

Dude you need an attorney, but in brief:

1) If you bought prior to marriage and she is not on the title or mortgage you might be ok IF no communal funds have been used.

2) She's entitled to 50% of ALL assets and debts created during the marriage. So if you've had the 401k for 20years, and only married 5, she gets the 50% of the 5 years of equity.

3) Not really. It's 50/50 of all assets and debts created during the marriage. If she has a credit card in her name created during the marriage that you didn't even known about with $40k on it, that's half your debt. You want her imputed as to how much can makes. You can try to dump assets and enjoy life prior to filing, but that can come back in bite you.

4) Essentially all states are no fault. So cheating doesn't mean shit and is not factored into anything. However, some states have a 1 year separation that can waved in the case of cheating, and some states spousal support can be affected; but this is rare. Check for your state, expect it to be meaningless.

5) The car was bought during the marriage, doesn't matter who's name or who paid. It's a communal asset, split 50/50

6) Yes, it's both your car

7) No

8) You can hire a financial accountant to review everything, but it costs you. Your goal is to imput her, that's the income that will be used by the court when calculating support.

9) No, those are communal debts. Any current debt is 50% hers. STOP paying all excess debt, it will be 50% hers

10) Yes, everything is split 50/50. You can't split a car, so each party gets the equivalent total amount. As long as it balances out to 50/50. Again that includes all communal debts too.

11) Doesn't matter. If the money is still around at time of filing it will be split 50/50. If already gone, then it's gone.

12) Maybe, I am not an accountant. But more importantly you want to add that to her imputed income. The courts don't care about tax fraud, they only care about the numbers.

I sent you a DM

upvotersfortruth · 2023-10-31T09:04:37+00:00

This sounds more like a medical or mental condition than an infinite series of betrayals. Doesn't hurt any less but wow. That's quite a history. We had a client whose wife was similar, getting some all around town. She wore our PI out and we had to put a second one on her. Fortunately, she didn't bang the PIs (that we know of).

With regard to your laundry list, the general rule is that all debts and income are shared between the parties, regardless of who plays what role in the relationship. Allowing bad spending habits is as culpable has having bad spending habits. Tolerating someone not working is as bad as not working. Additionally, all assets and income acquired during the marriage (with some exceptions like inheritance) are presumed joint and to be divided equally, regardless of whose name is on the title. Same goes with debts.

There are some exeptions, though. There's bad spending and there's wasting of the marital estate - which is basically the only place where her cheating may be relevant in most states - money spent on affair partners and related expenses is, by definition, wasting of the marital estate. The tolerance of judges to hear these claims varies from judge to judge and state to state, but worth raising the issue with your lawyer if you have plentiful evidence and the amounts are a significant portion of the marital estate.

These three weeks would be well spent getting all your ducks in a row, securing personal items and documents, at least your share of any joint accounts and whatever other things your lawyer suggests.

As far as the damage you can do to her or her case while she's out of town, it's typically pretty limited if the case is already in court and/or you're not willing to perjure yourself. Except in the case of an alleged emergency, both parties will have the right to be heard by the judge before any major decisions or actions are ordered (such as giving you exclusive possession of the house). But probably no harm on getting some motions on record so she's got some work to do when she gets home.

I'd recommend you focus on finding ways to minimize the further damage this process and relationship can do to you as a person. Postive, productive, stoic, non-reactive and un-angerable is the best revenge you can get. They love to know they can still fuck your world up.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2023-10-31T08:54:26+00:00

Legally disabled?

Oh, man. You need a lawyer. Stat!!

Title	STBXW is off on vacation, here's my chance.
Author	OpeScuseMe74
Upvotes	9
Comments	19
Date	October 31, 2023 8:49 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/17kghlg/stbxw_is_off_on_vacation_heres_my_chance/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/stbxw-is-off-on-vacation-heres-my-chance.1236901 https://theredarchive.com/post/1236901

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