Help. I feel lost.

Signal-Dot2326 · 2023-11-13T13:04:00+00:00

How far along are you in the process? Focus on your kids and yourself, no drinking

justme4556 · 2023-11-13T16:08:33+00:00

Find a hobby, the more time consuming the better. I always default to video gaming. But carpentry is a fun one as well. Make your life about you. This is a tough one because we have been programed often to put ourselves last. When the kids visit make it about quality. When their not there make it about you and take care of yourself.

spozmo · 2023-11-13T16:25:04+00:00

Accept that these intense feelings are going to happen no matter what you do. You’re going to grieve. Don’t try to fight them. Observe them, process them and move on. Let them be when they happen. Don’t act on them.

Don’t. Act. On. Them.

I did a ton of stupid shit as a result of my separation that 100% convinced my wife to make it a divorce. Would I still like to reconcile? Yes, I think so. Do I try to make her come back anymore? No.

I’ve been doing a lot of praying and meditating and writing to try to understand what role I played in the split. I’ve been focusing on the mistakes I’ve been making in my own life revealed by this process and slowly but intentionally begun to work on them. I tried to use her as my purpose, for example, and that’s an impossible task. When she inevitably failed, I became emotionally abusive because I felt like she was denying me something I needed, but the fact is that I can’t get that from anything outside me. This has lead me to intentionally cultivate a sense of purpose outside of anyone else – to search within myself for it. I’ve also started making practical changes to stand on my own two feet - I’ve started cooking instead of eating out, I’ve sought treatment for mental illness, I’ve started being intentional about my caffeine intake, I’ve started working out.

It’s hard now. It’s going to be hard for a while. It has gotten easier for me over time, but most importantly, it has gotten easier for me as I have taken the focus off her and put it on myself.

let_me_grieve · 2023-11-13T18:59:43+00:00

Accept what’s not in your control and focus on what is. Improve yourself and strengthen your relationship with your kids.

xeskind30 · 2023-11-13T19:22:06+00:00

Hey brother. Sorry for the pain you're going through. Right now, it's going to hurt. The best thing you can do is start getting on a schedule when you don't have your kids around. Make a weekly plan with keeping your place clean, start looking online and look up recipes for food your kids might like. Read a lot and I do mean read a lot. Get a gym membership and go there 3-5 days a week, morning or afternoon, your choice. Get on a diet. Do not drink or smoke. If you want, check out men only forums on Reddit or YouTube. There are a lot of places that has men only to connect and talk to others going through the same thing. If you need to, sign up for a therapist and talk to a professional, if you need to. Your kids are going to need you to be a rock and a skilled professional can help you through this.

And lastly, know that the pain does go away, not at once or all together, but it does get easier and being there for your kids is very rewarding. Stay safe, brother!

GrimStreaker15 · 2023-11-13T19:49:17+00:00

Buddy, my heart goes out to you. I k ow the dark place you are in and how you are feeling. But, it's only temporary, believe me.

I went through a divorce back in April after 22 years of marriage. My wife cheated, and I divorced her on the spot.

The things I did to get me through it were the following.

Get a divorce lawyer and make sure they are geared to representing men. Gather friends around you No drinking No smoking (Most Important) Go to the gym every day. Set goals

After a month, you will start feeling better. But, just work on yourself and your kids.

Indepedence-david · 2023-11-13T23:30:29+00:00

Gym , hobby and don’t say no to new experiences

Title	Help. I feel lost.
Author	Longjumping_Layer804
Upvotes	17
Comments	13
Date	November 13, 2023 12:21 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/17u9gbm/help_i_feel_lost/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/help-i-feel-lost.1238305 https://theredarchive.com/post/1238305

Comments