20 years together, 12 married. 2 young kids. Separated since 2 months ago. Found out she betrayed us.

Was mostly angry the last few weeks but now I'm overcome with sadness. But now I'm in my hometown with my parents this week. And she's at home with the kids.

First time we've done a split holiday in like 16 years. I thought time with parents and friends would be good for me and cheer me up.

In fact, I am feeling the saddest I've felt in 6 weeks. Just unbelievably sad. Wishing I could turn back time. To before she made the most self destructive choice. To an earlier time when we both could have made small changes to make the other happy instead of bearing down in our stalemate.

But we can't turn back time. We can't change the fact that she crossed the line. I'll just have to marinate in this sadness and get used to this new life I wasn't expecting to have.