20 years together. She was very devoted, almost too codependent. We have two kids under 6. Finally moved to her hometown a year ago. Have a dream house. But she got laid off earlier this year (looking for job still) and spent way too much time with her young trainer. Now she claims she was unhappy with me for years and years and that she got below avg treatment the whole time. Total rewrite of our story. Everyone who knew us and spent time with us said she was happy the whole time (never noticed anything off).

There's days when I tell myself I don't want her back. Her betrayal means I can't trust her. And I deserve better. And I think of all the ways she also made me unhappy.

But then there's moments of weakness where I wonder if she will snap out of it. Where she will realize she's about to nuke our family unit, our dream house, and our retirement (which was on track) and comes to her senses that whatever freedom or infatuation she's chasing isn't worth the enormous cost of what she and us will lose.

I know this is extremely unlikely. And I shouldn't even want her back after what she's done. It's just a hard feeling to shake. Feels like me not truly being able to let go of what we had.

(5 weeks into separation. She still can't sleep through the night. Some demon is inside her. My assumption had been the guilt or tension of knowing she's violating her old core values of family and loyalty. The other possibility is she's just missing that AP who moved away weeks ago knowing it's forbidden given her need to protect her brand image and how much younger he was would look incredibly bad for her)