Gents - i could really use some words of encouragement and support. Thanksgiving has passed and there were parts of the day that were freeing and parts of the day that pushed me deeper down that dark hole.

I initiated the end of a 20+ year marriage with kids. The kids are older but still caught up in the mess. The reasons were clear on many fronts - it just took me a while (months, if not years) to face the wrath of such a decision. Once the decision was made, the wrath was unbelievable and unforgivable.

The wrath was bad enough that no contact thru the courts are in place. this was 100% STBX decisions and actions - i am shell shocked by it to be honest... while i was not expecting happy times, i was not expecting such toxic and disastrous behavior. this all pushed me forward in ways that were needed....

yet i sit here, needing help. while there is no desire to interact, to know this person; there is an overwhelming sense of grief (i guess?). i have some of the darkest thoughts and it sucks because the advice i hear/get; the support i have received would be what i would say in return with what happened. so how do you accept and move forward when you know there is only acceptance and move forward that exists? just help... cause mentally i am in that dark place :(