Over a period of time I have tried to apply logic to my situation.

Context 49 M British 🇬🇧 - Ex abandonment and secret AF.

Starved and devoid of Sex - deadbedroom Situation since birth of 2 children. I can count the number intimacy events with Ex using both hands.

So including oral and vanilla missionary sex over a 20 year period. Never cheated and was faithful.

Recent evaluation of dating scene and over 4 year separated situation.

navigating this hookup culture and two traumatic toxic relationships since separation. Both were meant to GF

One night cheater - had man on standby. Romance fraud last 4 weeks supposedly ecxclusivity Gf - caught on apps entertaining other options

I have moral and practical questions.

1 ) Have you engaged and decided on just regular use of sex workers to fulfill needs without complications. Argument can be made -in the end we pay anyway -so why not just outsource. ?

dates and commitments wine and dine with no guarantee of intimacy.

2) Once I tread this path of sex workers , once started , you can’t go back.

I may have an addictive personality - So I’m worried I will never have a meaningful connection/ relationship ever again.

Trust, abandonment issues, anxiety and trauma all play a part in my daily life and future.

I can truly say I only ever loved one person - prior to marriage fwb which turned into feelings and I ended relationship. (Taken and unavailable 20 years later.)

I feel too old and exhausted of the mind games women generally use to weaponise or withhold intimacy in order to fulfill a basic manly need.

OLD has been a royal waste of time and even the Tinder carousel disgusts me.

Women having high number counts and sleeping with multiple men in quick succession, monogamy being a foreign concept.

The raising of kids whom I haven’t raised to my standards and discipline.

I see the patterns and I’m keen to completely avoid The trauma baggage, divorcees who cheated and broke there vows) ( they weren’t all innocent and had bad spouses/ emotional abuse.)

Can I trust the OLD options? of Risks. Trapping, pregnancy risk. Mismatched expectations.

Age 18-25. Single - Promiscuity and immature

Age 25-35 - usually already in relationship or married.

Age 35-43 - danger zone If single and no kids - feminist ideology and high expectations. Luxury hols and wine / dine high life.

Prince Charming seeking Princesses- past its best before date and are living in fantasy deluded mindset.

Other Risks - A sub set a love bombing breeders with short time frames looking for marriage, kids and their dreams come true within years. Honey trapping manipulation.

Age 40-50 Queens who discarded great men knowing they had options. Looking for white knight or perfect man.

Cheaters

non committals playing field

Serial daters - free loaders and wine and dine merchants - the non exclusive dating scene ( which a foreign and discgusting concept to me) have dates lined up and have a checklist of wants. Perfectionist and mind games.

Hobosexuals looking for financial support/ hand out.

Single moms with 3-4 kids SAHM - don’t actually have the time and really just want to be ‘love’ of their life.

Add into this cesspit mix Morbidly obese supercurvy Asexuals Polys Weirdos Crazy personality disorder - cluster B - entitlement Narcissist Anxiety, Depression and Bipolar/ BPD

Gender fluidity - romance fraud, cat fishing and gold diggers.

Lie to themselves - no hookups and ONS but reality is different.

Anyone 50+ - not attractive wrinkly and saggy. The haggard look. The older they are the more sexual experience. 🤢 Only bonus being kids grown up - but may have adult children drama. 🙄

and comes with man hate and toxic feminity. Miniskirt / enhanced / ultra high expectations.

It’s like looking for needle in a haystack and trying to avoid the human pincushions.

If I’m going to be having Sex , should I not outsource without all the complications , trapping , and certainty of having my needs met without jumping through hoops and BS, drama and lying.

So those with experience, frustration and logical mindset.

Please advise accordingly. Prefer actual experience over conjecture.

I know I can’t live a life of celibacy and yearn for Sex.

TIA.