I'm beginng, how do you get girls to like you?

ooa3603 · 2024-01-29T16:49:58+00:00

A lot of good advice here about looks, personality and hobbies that help increase attractiveness.

However this needs to be said, as much as appearance, personalities and hobbies are important and even necessary for attractiveness, the most critical factors for actually getting partners are:

Demographics - not everyone will like you even if you did the work to be the best version of you. For even the juiciest peach, there are people who just don't like peaches. Once you have developed your looks, personality and lifestyle, identify the type of people are are most attracted to your version of those three things. Those are the people that you should be putting in the most effort to be with. For example, I'm a mildly introverted nerd who loves physical activity. I should be putting the most effort into people I think would like that type of person. This segues nicely into the next important factor to get dates:
Opportunity - you need to be in the social networks and spaces of the demographic of people you've determined like your lifestyle. It does you no good to do the work in increasing your attractiveness, but never interact with anyone because you don't go out into the spaces people who would like you go to. Keeping with my example, I participate in activity clubs because highly active girls (the demographic that like my active lifestyle) are there. I met the last girl I dated at the climbing gym I go to. The more often you are in the spaces that have like minded people, the more you will interact with those people, this creates:
Familiarity - being in and participating in the spaces and activities creates comfort and chances to develop trust with the people you potentially want to date. This is important because the bedrocks of any, relationship casual or serious, is trust and respect. If people don't feel trust and respect with you, they aren't going anywhere with you.

As you can see there are several important factors to attractiveness and dating in general but if I had to organize it all I'd say to anyone (man or woman) if you want to be successful in romance:

Develop your lifestyle: looks, personality/values and hobbies. Then identify the people who are like minded in values and lifestyle and go to the places where those people will be as frequently as possible.

People want to be happy. They acquire partners because they think that partner will improve and add happiness to their life. If a person is happily enjoying their life and hobbies, the people around them will want to be with them.

So TL;DR - to be attractive and get dates, you need to become that person who is happily enjoying their life and you need to be around others so that they can see you enjoying yourself and desire you.

mikey_weasel · 2024-01-29T15:17:45+00:00

A few thoughts:

Make sure You've got the basics under control. Basic grooming. Clean clothes. Don't smell. Etc.
Dress and style with a look in mind, perhaps expanding your wardrobe. Having some sort of style is going to be better than just rolling into whatever clothes are lying around (though if you get your wardrobe right it can end up that easy).
Be interesting. Have hobbies and/or develop a lifestyle that people would want to be a part of. Again this depends on what you enjoy. If you are adding new aspects to this be somewhat mindful of whether you are adding social events that are going to involve folks of both genders or be male-dominated (you can have some male dominated interests, but if only have male dominated interests that's going to make things harder).
Be interested. Be open to listening to people and trying new things with them. Ask followup questions. Make the effort to have a good time in situations you might not normally.
- (Note for both the above I'm talking about hobbies and pop culture and stuff. You don't have to compromise core values. Go with that girl to a yoga class, but decline the Klan meeting).
Also be like this to more.than just girls you are attracted to. That gets obvious quickly. Be interesting to everyone and interested in everyone (to a degree). Such that others are going to be bringing you to social events and introducing you to friends in a positive light (being introduced to a woman as "hey this is <your name> he's a great dude who does <something interesting>").
Make your intentions known fairly early. It's hard to define exactly when that is but if you've already had a a few good interactions ask her out. Have a rough plan "hey do you want to go on a date to <this place> at <this date>". Be flexible if they make a counter offer but it helps to give them a starting point.

Edit to add: happy to expand on any of the above as necessary

Also an additional point:

You can't be attractive to everyone. At least, you can't be attractive enough to date to everyone. So some of the above is going to be you making choices that make some people find you more attractive and some people find you less attractive. That not actually a bad thing, as long as the people who find you more attractive overlaps more with the people who you find attractive.

thrownawaytodaysr · 2024-01-29T15:30:41+00:00

Guys who seek more relationships are often put aside here.

It's like "how do i become more attractive" is treated like an absurd and nonsensical question.

It gets addressed a lot. The biggest thing is that there is no one objective standard that will work. Lots of different approaches work for lots of different people.

Other times, people just suggest things like "be yourself, be honest, be open" and other feel good advice. Immeasurable things that anyone might identify as.

Yes, this is actually great advice. That it hasn't worked for you is a separate matter.

I was in high school, i can confirm that "being yourself" does not work. There is obviously some other, much more important factor here at play.

Not really. Treating high school as intructive of adult relationships is kind of like treating fictional television shows as a guideline for real life. It's at best a facsimile of later life. The other thing is that just because you never met someone in high school by being yourself doesn't mean you'll never meet lanyone. But what's more, the best case scenario is usually to make as many social contacts as you can and ultimately network outward until you do click with someone. Accept rejection magnanimously and keep focusing on friendships over the pursuit of relationships.

So, what is your suggestion exactly?

Be yourself while identifying aspects of yourself that prompt discomfort or you would otherwise like to change. Focus on yourself first, personal growth and investment, focus on social networks, etc. You'll eventually meet more people with like interests and people who will be more likely to reciprocate attraction. Most people I see complaining about this kind of stuff tend to be going after people who aren't actually a good match but ignore it for want of being with someone rather than being with a good match.

I was with an incredibly beautiful woman for five years and while we have a lot in common, i genuinely wish we had just been friends from the start and never progreessed beyond it because of a load of fundamental incompatibilities. She's wonderful and we are friends today, but I missed out on being closer friends as a result. And the loss of the relationship was really crushing for me because I had grown into the attachment. Now, I'm with someone else and it's a better match but it came with a load of dates that were duds. And while I always wanted them to work out, that was a hollow goal because clearly they weren't good matches. I was more invested in the relationship or wanting to attract someone than being with someone whose company I could enjoy and cherish.

Anyway. Attracting people is only step one. Keeping people is the far more relevant dimension. You can't "make" a girl like you anymore than a girl could "make" you like her. There's no trick to it. Find people who are like you and eventually you'll find a match. Finding the person first and trying to make it fit instead is just a disappointment waiting to happen.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2024-01-29T16:03:24+00:00

I was in high school, i can confirm that "being yourself" does not work.

The adult world is very different from high school and authenticity is a lot more valued. If you are putting on an act eventually its going to slip when she spends a lot of time with you. The real answer is you should become a better version of yourself.

be honest, be open" and other feel good advice.

You don't want to be revealing every embarrassing secret about yourself on the first date but opening up does promote emotional connection. If you are lying to her about yourself eventually she is going to find out when she starts living with you.

So, what is your suggestion exactly?

Mental health.
Social skills/charisma.
Dating specific skills.
Looking your best.
Assertiveness.
Relaxed and having fun.
Not being too needy.
Living a great and social single life.
Good pictures for online dating.

Allusionator · 2024-01-29T15:19:32+00:00

It’s hard to suggest unless we know what you do. High school isn’t a romantic environment, sure my wife was in my class in high school but it was hanging out socially where we courted. If you meet people who are roughly on par with your looks, talk to them and have social time together, show interest in what they have to say, share small amounts about yourself, etc.

Like maybe 5% of people come out of high school partnered, it’s not all that likely to meet someone who really suits you that happened to be born in the same year and lives in your town, you know? High school kids mostly don’t have the emotional maturity/intelligence to date successfully and that’s okay.

Tell me about what you’re seeking for a relationship and the context you interact with women in as well as how you act in those cases and I can advise.

xvszero · 2024-01-29T17:29:43+00:00

Well first, there are other places to go for advice on these things besides red pill. One of my favorites is Dr. Nerd Love. And for just men's stuff in general r/menslib is good.

Certain red pill terms like "beta orbiter" are just a stupid way to explain a mistake a lot of "nice guys" make, which is just hanging out with a woman they have interest in without making their interest clear. If you're interested in a woman, make it clear. Ask her out on a date. Don't be creepily aggressive the way red pill guys say but don't just hang out around her hoping she picks up on vague clues either. And if you ask her out and she says no, move on, don't keep hanging around pretending you're trying to just be friends now.

Confidence is huge. And true confidence comes from having good self esteem. If you meet a woman and think she's above you and you have to pull off some exact perfect plan to get her interested, you're probably already screwed. If you meet a woman and feel like you have as much to offer her and she does you, then you'll be able to act as such.

If you don't have good self esteem, ask yourself why. If it is related to things you can't change, you need to learn to accept them. If it is related to things you can change, then ask yourself if it is worth working on those things.

And as others have noted, basic things like hygiene, how you dress, etc. all matter. There is no single answer to how to dress, it really depends on the type of person you are, but make sure you're choosing how you present yourself to be the best authentic you versus just showing up in whatever is easiest all the time. Especially on dates and such.

And "be interesting" also just means have things going on in your life other than sitting around waiting to find a partner. Have hobbies, have things you work on, have things you are passionate about. "Nice guys finish last" is nonsense but sometimes a guy gets confused about why some girl doesn't like him and all he really had going on is that he is nice. Nice is great (if it is truly nice and not the type of "nice guy" who starts calling women whores when they won't date him) but people want to CONNECT and there isn't much to connect on with "I'm nice".

Also it's not clear how old you are but high school can just fucking suck for some of us. College is better in that it is easier to find your type of people without having bullies and shit to deal with. I had a much, much better experience in college and that's where I started meeting women too. I still sucked at expressing myself but there were women I probably could have dated.

dongtouch · 2024-01-29T18:10:04+00:00

Aside from the valuable advice already typed here, I’ll tell you something else: stop looking for the magic bullet. Stop looking for that one magic nugget of advice that will make you more attractive to people.

Attracting others and finding relationships is a slow process of trying and failing until you get success. There will be awkwardness. There will be people you want to date who aren’t into you. There will be rejection, and slowly getting to know people only to find out you don’t match well after all. So many men and boys want to skip all that and want something that is surefire success. It doesn’t exist. You have to become the best version of yourself following the suggestions given here, sort out what values are important to you so you can find good matches, and after that it’s a question of time, patience, and persistence. The faster you accept that, the easier it will be.

meleyys · 2024-01-29T19:18:52+00:00

There's a lot of good advice here already, but I'm going to throw in my two cents.

The absolute most basic thing you need to do in order to have a good relationship is take care of your mental health. Are there people who get into relationships with shit mental health? Sure. Are there people who get into good relationships with shit mental health? Not as many. Are there people who get into good relationships and keep them with shit mental health? Very few.

If you can swing it, try therapy. I know not everyone can afford it, but if you can, it's well worth a shot. Worst case scenario, it just doesn't do anything for you and you can stop going. Best case scenario, it improves your mental health a lot.

The second most basic thing you need to do is have decent hygiene. While there's bound to be someone out there who finds you physically attractive no matter what you look like--if you don't believe me, google "[physical feature] porn" and watch a trillion results pop up--most people will be bothered by a lack of hygiene.

Now onto the actual advice. Frankly, the people who tell you to be yourself are correct. You should be the best version of yourself, to be sure, but you shouldn't pretend to be someone you're not. That won't get you anywhere. Think of it this way: Do you really want to attract people who only like a mask you put on? Then if you want to keep them around, you'll have to keep the mask up forever. That sounds exhausting and unfulfilling.

Regarding what you said about high school, the adult world is very different. For one, when you're in high school you're basically stuck with the people around you. As an adult, you have a lot more choice in whom you hang out with. Don't like the social group you're in? Just find a new one. For another, people tend to be a lot less judgmental and concerned with fitting in as adults.

It also helps to develop social skills, but frankly the only social skill that's that important is to just not be an asshole. You can get by as an awkward person in the dating world. Some people will find it charming. Just own it when you're struggling in a social situation--admit that you don't know what the right thing to say is, or crack a joke about how awkward you are.

Lastly, do something fun/interesting with your time. Join a DND group! Take up hiking! Go to protests! Volunteer at an animal rescue! Just have something you can talk about when asked what you do in your free time.

I second the /r/menslib recommendation. It's a pretty good, non-toxic subreddit about men's issues.

99power · 2024-01-29T21:43:11+00:00

Be a unique person. Be some version of the Tender Defender archetype. Be getting your shit together. Learn what your needs/wants are from a relationship so that you can pursue them with clarity.

killing31 · 2024-01-29T22:51:16+00:00

I think the problem with “be yourself” is that it’s so vague and open to interpretation. I see it more as “don’t try to change things about yourself that you can’t really change.” For example, if you’re introverted, don’t try to force yourself to be extroverted. Instead, if you’re awkward around people, you can try putting yourself in more situations where you interact with strangers so you can practice. This won’t make you extroverted, it’ll just make you less awkward. Also, if you like something harmless like anime, don’t pretend not to like it just to get a girl. That could potentially backfire and what’s the point? There are plenty of women and girls who like anime too or wouldn’t have any issue with it.

What it does NOT mean is if you have an objectively bad habit, don’t try to break yourself of it. If you pick your nose in public (obviously an extreme example), you can’t just say “If someone doesn’t like it it’s THEIR problem, not mine. This is who I am.” Because it IS your problem. This is not part of your identity, it’s simply a bad habit that you can break with some effort. Another example is turning a hobby into an obsession. Playing video games is great. Playing them for 15 hours every weekend might be interfering with getting exercise and interacting with people. That would be a bad habit you have the ability to change.

TLDR: DON’T try to change things that are unchangeable or harmless. DO try to drop bad habits

Sensitive_Panda_6245 · 2024-01-30T04:53:59+00:00

My opinion, as a woman, don’t try so hard.

A big mistake guys make is that they’re too aggressive. Us women respond well to a conversation where we feel we don’t have to keep our guard up. If you can make a woman feel safe, she’ll practically fall in love with you. That’s what happened with my ex, we met in a record store. He was across from me, struck up a conversation about Woodstock & by the time I was done shopping, I had his number. Our first date was lunch at a pier where a cover band was playing classic rock songs.)

Another tip is don’t rush things. Take time to get to know the woman. Know her likes & dislikes. Plus it’ll give you a picture of her as a person. But don’t be afraid to set a boundary. A lot of us women also don’t respect a guy we think we can walk all over. Your job as a man is to find the right balance between both. If you can give her the freedom to choose on stuff (first date ideas, etc) you’ll win her over. Don’t bring her gifts on the first date, it’s seen as desperate. But suggest something that would make her comfortable (which is why you need to learn her likes/dislikes when you’re in the talking phase. She likes art, take her to an art museum then to a coffee shop after. She likes the beach & burgers, take her to her favorite burger joint & then sit at the beach. She likes the park, go for a picnic. She likes fine dining, ask her suggestions on where to go. She likes animals? Take her to a zoo or an aquarium.) If you take control, it makes her feel insignificant. Always offer to pay first, even if you know she makes money. If she insists, let yourself insist about three times then say “are you sure?” Then compromise with her, saying you’ll pay for your half.

Now when it comes to things like rejection, do not go for the girl just because she’s pretty to you. If she turns you down, just simply walk away. Be nice. Don’t get angry. Say something afterward like “have a nice day then.” Manners matter & can even leave a good impression.

Winning over women is simple really. Men just have to be selective & not try to pork the first woman they see. Take your time selecting a potential gf. Get to know her. Chilvary may be dead but men have the power to bring it back. Be sweet but not too sweet. Find the right balance. Be the guy that makes her smile when she see’s your name on the phone. A lot of us women these days crave the simplicity once again. These loud, abrasive rude women overspeak for us. Take time to get her to like you. Love blossoms overtime. But you as a man have to be patient & let it bloom.

DaneCountyAlmanac · 2024-01-31T20:16:51+00:00

Be happy to make other people happy. The redpill thing is about consuming people like cheez-its.
Put yourself in a comfortable environment. If you're stressed, you're unattractive.
Learn to cook. Spending lots of money on someone is transactional; making them ravioli by hand not so much.
Find social activities you genuinely enjoy that women participate in. If you hate ballroom dancing, that shit don't work.

Visual-Bowl-624 · 2024-01-30T00:40:45+00:00

Easier said than done, you woupd need to set urself up where tbey cant find negatives that disqualify you. Its vpery vague i know

Bbbydaddy · 2024-01-31T00:08:09+00:00

It’s not about just being yourself. Find your purpose. Find out what hobbies you enjoy and do them. Maybe invite a girl to join that has common interests/hobbies being yourself does work. Also women hate bad hygiene you need to take care of your whole body from hair to feet. Dress nicer you don’t need to wear a suit every day but be presentable. Some good cologne helps too

Ok_Establishment6863 · 2024-01-31T03:06:30+00:00

What people mean by being yourself is dont put on a fake persona dont be someone your not. For example plenty of people like introverts, plenty of people like nerds, nobody likes a liar. You dont have to be someone else. No matter how amazing someone is no one is liked by everyone. Dont only be friendly and socialise with people who you want to date that is noticed quite quickly and is a turn off. I mean if thats your natural inclination work on that cause thats a shitty personality trait. If you are a chauvinistic pig work on that its a turn off, people dont even want to be friends with chauvinists let alone date them. Be hygienic, smell nice, wear clean neat clothes they dont necessarily need to be expensive you just need to look like you didnt just dress in any old rag. If you dont have a job thats not going to help much thats assuming you've finished school. I mean everyone needs an income to move forward in life. The whole point is you dont need to do things to make girls like you, you are just going to be someone girls and guys are going to like. Remember friends are important because they introduce you to other friends and one of those friends might be that girl that likes you.

notaslaaneshicultist · 2024-01-31T16:43:28+00:00

In my opinion physical attraction is very important, especially in the early stages of dating/relationships. Get in shape and pay attention to what you wear around others, and DO NOT forget hygiene.

The vulnerability, emotions, and communication skills come in after the relationships is established and keep it together for a long time. There is a reason many couples are together decades after their physical peaks.

fashoclock · 2024-02-03T10:31:40+00:00

I'm a sapphic leaning girl, so I'm not sure how a guy goes around getting girls.

I can you one big thing to not do, that'll help you get girls.

Don't come across as too desperate. Not a good look for anyone.

Source: been there done that.

Title	I'm beginng, how do you get girls to like you?
Author	Better-Emergency-952
Upvotes	24
Comments	32
Date	January 29, 2024 2:54 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1adx5yc/im_beginng_how_do_you_get_girls_to_like_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/im-beginng-how-do-you-get-girls-to-like-you.1244095 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244095

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