Hello all!

I need advice on whether to STFU or be vulnerable.

Here’s the situation: I accidentally saw my boyfriend’s search history about half a year ago while he was deployed. It was quite a bit of porn. I spent the time he was away figuring out how I felt about it. He’s back now, and I’ve been waiting for things to settle down to talk about it.

I brought it up today - it was a calm discussion, I issued no ultimatums and let him know that the only reason his porn consumption is my business was if I ever felt it was negatively affecting our relationship (which I currently don’t). Otherwise, that’s on his paper, not mine. I just wanted to let him know that it had happened. He was understandably embarrassed and expressed it’s not something he wants to do and that he would stop (Again, completely his choice whether to stop or not).

That was about the extent of it - it was over in maybe 5-10 minutes, then he was done talking and went to the store.

I fully understand that men need time to process things before they’re ready to talk. Here’s where I’m not sure what to do next - do I leave it alone unless he brings it up again? Or do I give it a week and broach the subject again for a more in depth conversation?

I feel like there’s so much left unsaid, and so many questions I still have. He’s unlikely to bring it up on his own, so I need to decide whether to deal with my questions internally and STFU, or be vulnerable and restart a conversation that was already difficult to bring up in the first place.

Thank you all!