Any younger/no children divorcees in here?

ExtensionAir9675 · 2024-02-29T09:14:06+00:00

I can feel you dude.. am 30 with no kids. Wife cheated and now awaiting for divorce. Just built a new house and planned for kid this year but things did not go as planned. I am 5 months since separation. It hurts but in the long run, you will feel at more peace. You cannot stop someone from cheating. Its beyond our control. Am not rushing my healing, still a long way but i can tell you its not easy. Take things slowly and dnt be too hard. The future is bright if we walk towards it. Be strong champ..

Reflog1791 · 2024-02-22T20:27:38+00:00

Her plan is bullshit. She ain’t getting that new house fuck that. She goes back to the streets. Sell and split the house. Or she can keep it if she pays you good and right.

If it’s brand new it’s probably underwater? Do not give her a sweetheart deal on the house you are correct some other dude will be living there as soon as the ink is dry.

Subtle-Catastrophe · 2024-02-22T05:47:54+00:00

Women cheat sexually on even the top men, by whatever metric you judge men by. Looks, height, race, age, youth, physical condition, intelligence, merit, money, social standing, attentiveness, military bravery, mental prowess, kindness, assholeness, religious devotion, dick size, any combination thereof. It's no reflection on the man.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-02-21T15:58:40+00:00

I’m older and have kids but I can relate a bit because my ex waiting until we sold our house and relocated out of state before hitting me with a divorce.

It seems shocking and out of the blue but I assure you this was a calculated move on her part to get the house secured before kicking you to the curb. Probably been planned for quite some time.

“Amicably and without lawyers” directly translates to “I want to rip you off badly while guilting you into it”. A lawyer, although expensive will ensure you get an equitable distribution of assets.

Sorry man - Wrap your head around the fact that your wife has filed a LAWSUIT against you. Act accordingly, she’s not your friend anymore remember that.

Signal-Dot2326 · 2024-02-21T15:56:50+00:00

Be happy honestly, this hurt will pass, and you can totally separate from her and never talk to her again, I'd block her on everything and let attorney deal with it. Hopefully you can sell house and break even or make some money and move on

New-Amoeba9042 · 2024-02-21T15:26:08+00:00

Younger is better when it comes to divorce.

Yes she cheated. She is a bad person for doing that. Particularly to you. It’s hard to accept this, I know. Took me a year

Don’t give her anything unless it benefits you. She’s literally doing the worst thing to you that likely anyone ever has or will.

If you give her something, it’s because you get something of equal or greater value in return.

Haunting_Profession3 · 2024-02-21T14:01:52+00:00

You’re gonna be fine dude. I’m 1 year older than you, going through the same shit.

I do have kids with my STBXW, but our timelines and backstory are very similar.

I’m relatively fresh to the whole shit show as well, we had the divorce talk and started moving forward with it about 3-4 months ago. She won’t admit it, but it’s pretty obvious she developed an emotional and or physical relationship with a co worker. She’ll take that shit to the grave with her as it would ruin her reputation with those around us should it ever come to surface.

Stand your ground with the house. Even if you don’t care right now, once your head clears, you will be happy you did. Don’t give her ANYTHING until you go through the courts. You owe her nothing until a court tells you what you owe her. Be masculine and dominate here. This is now a business deal that your future will somewhat depend on. Don’t lose to a female that only holds power between her legs.

I would advise you stop looking at her as someone you saw a future with as soon as you can, and start looking at her like someone who betrayed you and doesn’t care about you or your well being… because that’s obviously how she does in fact feel.

Cut off your emotional availability and softness for her like right now. Not in 45 min, not in a couple days, right now. She dug her grave, she can lay in it until she’s gone and no longer in your presence. You don’t have to be an asshole, but you don’t need to be and shouldn’t be that person for her anymore. My STBXW still asks me to do husband shit for her (she moves out this weekend, stood my ground with the house and it worked) and I simply hit her with a “no” and she moves right the fuck on and does it her self. Doesn’t get mad at me, and I actually think she respects me more now than when we were actually together because of it. It’s like dealing with a puppy.

Focus on YOU. You don’t have the kid aspect in this, so you’ve got nothing but time in your future to do everything you could ever want to do for yourself. Mental, physical and emotional health should be priority for you!

It’s good to acknowledge your faults in the failed marriage, but it takes 2 to tango. She’s equally at fault, don’t forget that. You’re human, we make mistakes and will continue to forever. Learn from what you did and did not bring to the table, and work on those before your next relationship. BTW, we are approaching our prime years as men, you’re gonna have plenty more women to go through. It’s not all bad!

I’m telling you, the sooner you can let her go and see her for what she is, the better your life will become. Like overnight. A mental shift in your favor will literally start making you feel better immediately.

You’re not an asshole for dropping her like she did you. You’re an asshole to your self if you don’t!

If you ever need someone to talk to who can relate, feel free to message me. I am by no means out of the weeds, but I can help you start to see the bright side in this and that’s really what you need to focus on for your own health.

Good luck man, you will get through this shit!

roman_erudite · 2024-02-21T13:31:55+00:00

I envy you. You got your lesson early on and cheap. At mid thirties even without kids that b*** stole and spent my earnings of prime years and my chances to have kids (if I meet someone today ill be 40 by the time I have kids) so that's also out the window. I can't imagine those older than myself or with kids but dude count your blessings.

Automatic-Region-913 · 2024-02-21T10:22:18+00:00

My wife and I are a bit older than you, and have been together for longer (no kids though), but elements of your story resonate with my experience...

Being relatively young, and without children, I feel especially embarrassed about the situation

Like this one. My wife and I never faced a real hard problem in our lives: we almost had it too good. I am ashamed and embarrassed about myself because in a lot of key situations I behaved over-emotionally and like a child rather than a man (e.g. I would throw a tantrum if the builders fucked something up in the house we renovated, even the tiniest snag), and I am ashamed and embarrassed about her because she married me enthusiastically on the high tide of "unconditional" love for me, and a strong desire to have children with me, and then she did a complete 180 on her moral values and beliefs, blaming everything on my character flaws (which have been on full display since our first date). If we were hiding from the bombs during WWII, or starving in some Third World slum, I would have had to "man up" faster and she wouldn't have had the time to screw around with another man. It is our wealth and comfort which made these moral failings possible. THIS is indeed very embarrassing for me.

The only hang-up is that she wants to keep the brand new house.

No, don't do that. You will need a safe space to heal. Don't be afraid to say just that. She wanted the brand-new house too, then I said absolutely not because I need a safe space to heal, and now the provisional (only verbal, for now) arrangement is that I will keep the house, help her find a new place, and just refund her the home equity she built by paying the mortgage 50/50 with me. I spend my day hoping she doesn't change her mind.

Title	Any younger/no children divorcees in here?
Author	problemchildar
Upvotes	6
Comments	29
Date	February 21, 2024 9:12 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1aw7s7q/any_youngerno_children_divorcees_in_here/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/any-youngerno-children-divorcees-in-here.1246004 https://theredarchive.com/post/1246004

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