Social skills are like a muscle. If you don’t practice, ease and comfort interacting with others with atrophy over time. Books are great, but if you hide behind theoretical knowledge too long, you will still struggle. You have to get out there.

I work from home, and I’ve noticed that if I stay a little too isolated for even a few days, I have a little more apprehension talking to strangers or striking up a conversion. It’s important to be conversational and friendly with all strangers you meet on a consistent basis, not just women.

That being said, there should be a balance. A lot of guys advocate for going out, whether in the day or night, blindly approaching as many women as they can, often using the same lines with the same type of energy—essentially a numbers game approach. In their mind, an ‘any experience is good experience’ applies, that there is something to be gained in every interaction, even if crashes and burns.

The problem is, a lot of the time, the guys who employ this method aren’t observant. They just continue to use the same type of lines they see from YouTube Pick Up Artists (re-branded as dating coaches): “You’re adorable, you seem intriguing, you’re trouble”, etc. Over time, men who rely too heavily on lines and verbal “game” instead of working on being an inherently attractive person will begin to reinforce a self-image of desperate, validation seeking behavior.

This is because the ‘approach as much as you can’ philosophy is results-driven behavior that puts the woman in a position of power, on a pedestal. The interaction is driven by a need for a number, or some other form of approval. Instead of flirting, having fun, and letting things develop naturally, the interaction is framed in a way where the basis of the conversation is the need of her validation.

Attractive men an abundance of options and who are charismatic don’t behave this way. They are charming and friendly with everyone they encounter. The women they flirt with aren’t a prop for temporary validation—they seek out only the women that really spark something in them, the women they find breathtaking and meet their high standards.

Imagine the most attractive version of the man you want to be, the one who has an abundance of options with women. Men of status who attract the most beautiful women flirt, charm, ask interesting questions, listen intently, are inherently interesting themselves. They actually talk. They don’t “cold approach” “sets” or have a ridiculous PUA frame of mind when interacting.

Grow the fuck up, be attractive, have some standards.