Does r/relationships have unreal expectations or am I just an asshole?

Zack_Fair_ · 2014-08-22T15:17:36+00:00

/r/relationships is sneakily one of the worst subs in the damn site.

it's essentially the embodiment of all the shite on reddit; judgemental people telling other people what to do based on incomplete source material because they like to think they have the monopoly on morality.
and that's just my main gripe !

furthermore there is all the bitching and pity-parties ( note the not so subtle opposite mentality of seddit) , the judging, self-righteousness and reddit's trademark feminism-gone-too-far.

I don't want to toot my own horn here, but you're better off getting your advice from us. unless you like being called a shitlord at every turn

thacunninglingist · 2014-08-22T16:04:37+00:00

Seddit, isn't for just hook ups man. It's about game. Spend your time here, it will be better advice and more friendly people. It also isn't just about women, it is about confidence in life and people seeing that if you are happy and confident the women will follow. If you are in a relationship or not game and happiness and confidence are always important.

Kyrzar · 2014-08-22T15:56:29+00:00

I kinda agree with /r/relationships, not because of whatever bullshit they're claiming you're doing, but because you're probably only hurting yourself in the long run.

Granted it's nice to have friends, and it's fine to remain acquaintances. But remember, if you're always hoping for this girl to come around and realize she's madly in love with you... You're just going to end up miserable.

Imagine what you would be willing to give up for the hope that she changes her mind and decides to settle for you? Now imagine that you give all that up and she finds some douchebag. Is that a risk you want to take? Give up your own happiness, just so she has a backup plan if she can't find someone better than you? If you want to remain friends, don't expect her back. Ever. Otherwise you're just going to be miserable when she finds someone else.

The best way to think of it is if she doesn't want you now, what makes you think she'll want you later? Are you going to become a millionaire? Are you the next Hugh Grant? Are you going to become a real life Edward Cullen? You don't want her to just settle for you because she doesn't want to be alone. That sounds like a pointless relationship to me. Do you really want to be with someone like that? You're better off finding someone that's genuinely interested in you.

If the only reason you want to be her friend is because you think there's a chance to hook up with her down the line, you're risking a lot on a payout that's pretty garbage. Consider what you want your life to be like (without her) then decide if a platonic friendship with her fits into that.

deadgod1 · 2014-08-22T14:50:08+00:00

Group hug?

AntiGravityBacon · 2014-08-22T17:22:20+00:00

If you're staying friends in the guise of maybe later getting back together, hooking up, etc. You are being manipulative. If you're staying friends without ulterior motives, I don't see anything wrong with it.

However, I don't think it's smart because it's extremely difficult to move on if you see the person all the time. You tired, it failed, just move on.

mvpete · 2014-08-22T18:14:07+00:00

I can only speak from past experience and from what I learned from my break up.

Consider the following scenario: You walk into a bar, and yell out your problem. Assuming people are listening, maybe a couple of them give you some advice. Probably in all likelihood it's based on their past experiences. Maybe they're just trying to be mean or troll you. Who knows. Most of them probably mean well. You might get a real drunk guy yelling at you, but most are likely just trying to help a brother out.

What I'm trying to say is that posting on reddit, in any sub is a bit like that scenario. It's just seems different. Like NicoSuave11 said, it's just a bunch of random people. Hell, I'm just a random dude. I had a shitty situation happen to me. Did the same thing by going to reddit for advice. I also went to family and friends. I realized the advice was all just advice. It weighed on my decision, but at the end of the day it was my decision. The decision you make is YOUR decision. Not the people on the internet, not your family or your friends. In all honestly, you hanging out with your ex affects the people on the internet about 0%. So who cares, if that's what you wanna do or not do. It changes nothing about my situation.

Just weigh the advice, maybe advice from your family and friends influences your decision a bit more than reddit. Maybe it's the other way around. But it's up to you man. Do what makes you feel good. The best way to be confident is to feel good about yourself and if being friends with your ex makes you feel good. Giver.

Anyways that's my two cents take it or leave it.

nedshepherd · 2014-08-22T19:25:22+00:00

I don't like /r/relationships because I feel like they tend to paint the man as bad most of the time whenever a relationship issue comes up. I've actually seen a thread (albeit it was a while ago, and I haven't seen anything like it since) where a woman cheated on a man and the comments were pretty "you go girl!". I can't remember the specifics of the post, but it was kind of infuriating.

sokolske · 2014-08-22T23:06:17+00:00

/r/askmen is a good source, too as well as /r/seduction.

Psych40 · 2014-08-23T13:34:14+00:00

I get different quality of information here than there. I think in /r/relationships it ends up being about the girl I'm fucking. Here, the focus is on me. Always good to check back in here.

philosarapter · 2014-08-22T18:19:45+00:00

I wouldn't give too much credence to the comments you receive on reddit.

Including this one.

elf-tower · 2014-08-22T21:32:36+00:00

There's nothing wrong with your idea of staying friends with exes! I mean, sure - they're an ex for a reason - but, that doesn't mean you're obligated to hate/avoid each other!

projectm35 · 2014-08-25T18:09:49+00:00

"If she's always wanting sex, tell her no once in a while." seems like the craziest thing I've ever heard.

"Hey honey, you're basically the perfect wife, so I'm going to punish you for that."

In my (admittedly limited) 10+ years of relationship experience, I find a woman's sex drive to be the best possible indicator of her happiness in the relationship.

CrankRED · 2014-08-22T16:50:07+00:00

its basically r/asktwoxchromosomes

Robin-Hood · 2014-08-22T15:46:18+00:00

r/relationships should be called r/chodes

Solrac0 · 2014-08-22T19:13:17+00:00

pretty_sheep · 2014-08-22T22:11:59+00:00

I'm guessing that there is more to it than what you're saying here. I sincerely doubt that an entire sub has condemned you for simply wanting to stay friends with an ex.

Title	Does r/relationships have unreal expectations or am I just an asshole?
Author	throwawayodd33
Upvotes	29
Comments	47
Date	August 22, 2014 2:36 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2ea3u2/does_rrelationships_have_unreal_expectations_or/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/does-rrelationships-have-unreal-expectations-or-am.1293982 https://theredarchive.com/post/1293982

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