I feel inferior to other guys in dating. There are always bigger, more handsome, richer etc. dudes and I feel insecure. How should I overcome this feeling?

Aeon199 · 2020-08-09T00:35:47+00:00

So here’s what you need to do, take care of yourself. Like actually take care of your life. Don’t worry about getting the girls or whatever. I know, completely different advice than what you’re expecting. But why?

1) You got to build your life. You can’t go comparing yourself to other guys. Once you do, you’ve set yourself for failure. It’s hard not to. But the thing is, if you’re trying to go for a girl and you know there’s competition or there’s a guy whose always bigger and better, you’ve forfeit automatically. And with the mindset you have you got to take care of yourself and become confident in you. There’s always competition. But I never think of it when I talk to a girl. I chat with a woman, and if it works hey it works. And if it doesn’t, totally fine. More fish in the sea.

2) The bigger and more important reason is, you got to be for you. And I mean be for you. I realized at a certain point I’d tell girls I’d like oh I’m gonna do this or I do that etc etc etc. all for the validation and to gain approval. Well that’s nice and all, but it won’t get you anywhere if you think that’ll win her. Basically I’m saying you need goals that are not only achievable, but are for you and you alone. I’ll give you a good example, cause it can’t just be “I weight lift and get buff”. You should do something like “I want to gain 30 lbs in muscle mass” or “I want to run a 10k obstacle course in 1 hour”. Again it should be something you want and something you’ll enjoy. Not something that will impress a girl, something you want and enjoy. I cannot stress that enough. You got to be for you in order to grow. Not in a selfish way, but in a way that will take care of you.

3) Then what about the ladies? What about them? Tell you what, tho it would be nice to date or find that someone thing is if you can’t take care of yourself, not just health but also emotionally and mentally, you’ll hurt yourself. Trust me I’ve been there. Plus a woman shouldn’t just like you for the wealth or the physique. You should have chemistry because of who both of you are. And if she only likes you for things that are here today and possibly gone tomorrow, do you think she’ll stay? The 3rd thing is you have to have clarity on what kind of relationship you’re looking for.

MK-X10 · 2020-08-08T23:42:34+00:00

This means you need self-love brother, work on yourself & another big thing FUCK what other guys are doing I was super insecure about my height and I just said fuck it. Tom hardy is average height and girls thirst over him! Love yourself for who you are.

Illustrious-Lie4833 · 2020-08-09T03:08:28+00:00

if you want to date 8's, 9's and 10's, be an 8, 9 or 10 yourself. If you're not prepared to date girls at your current SMV probably shouldn't expect girls lower theirs for you.

goatxoxoxo · 2020-08-09T03:27:52+00:00

you're stuck in the comparison paradigm. there's always people better than you out there. if you try to live up to the standards you're thinking about, you'll be climbing an endless ladder. on the top of that, you'll be extremely unhappy and feel under confident.

spend some time realising what kind of life you want to live. not because someone else is doing it but because you want to live that way and follow that.

STD_Tyler · 2020-08-09T05:59:00+00:00

Yes maybe you are not good enough. Truth is hard to swallow. Improve yourself better than fooling yourself with "Inner game".

twdstormsovereign · 2020-08-09T07:53:15+00:00

Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who others are today

Dodechaedron · 2020-08-08T23:46:21+00:00

Get rich, in the meantime go to the gym, in the meantime spend more time in grooming and dressing well.

yargdpirate · 2020-08-09T00:24:02+00:00

Sometimes it helps me to keep in mind that they probably feel just as insecure (unless they're raging narcissists).

caesarfecit · 2020-08-09T01:42:16+00:00

You don't need to be the best at everything to get girls.

All you really need is the right things in your head:

Happy in your own life and self-sufficient.
Being on your purpose so you don't get obsessed with chasing tail.
The ability to not give enough of a shit that you're both outcome independent and willing to take chances.

The rest is just practice and experience.

Sure it gets easier to attract women with the trifecta of looks, money, and status, but who's to say that doesn't come with its own set of problems. Just be the best you can be. Betas compare themselves other men. Alphas have better things to do.

2020-08-09T07:02:32+00:00

Stop comparing yourself to others, and start comparing yourself to yourself. Then focus on being better than yesterday's you every day. As long as you are always improving upon yourself, you're more than worthy.

LevelUp84 · 2020-08-09T08:35:02+00:00

Honestly I just gave up and focused on things that made me happy. As the guy said above there will always be a guy better than you at something. There will be a guy taller, wealthier, better jaw and other stuff. I focused on stuff I can control. My weight, whether I beat my friends at sports, and fashion became my main drivers.

MrBallsack94 · 2020-08-09T14:03:35+00:00

There's always someone better and worse than you. You shouldn't try to level yourself with others, but instead do your own thing. You must be authentic to yourself! Also, who's there to say that these men you compare yourself to are livong the life you wish to live? They may feel just the same angst as you

alfytony · 2020-08-09T15:16:32+00:00

Time and age will put everything in right perspective. As you get older you will start trying to get the best from what you have rather than comparing with others. Not meant to be negative just a perspective.

Mornin23 · 2020-08-09T15:36:46+00:00

Let’s be real here: the hottest women will date total slob losers who can’t provide anything for them, be it status, excitement, or financially. If you have any direction, you can get a hot girlfriend if these guys can, so don’t be comparing yourself to other dudes.

greatlifeahead · 2020-08-09T19:25:41+00:00

Try to think it the other way. In what ways you are better than most other guys? How could you make her life better?

28carslater · 2020-08-09T23:04:35+00:00

Build yourself and create the life that makes you happy and they will come. They can sense confidence and if you are not confident in your life outside of dating, they will see it and friendzone you.

darthtank70 · 2020-08-10T03:47:07+00:00

Don't be me? Other than that I dunno man. I'm 31 and have been rejected my whole life. Still have no clue in hell what to do, other than be full of shit. That seems to attract women for some reason

GrandMasterB19 · 2020-08-09T01:50:37+00:00

Part of being a hot, confident, and masculine guy is that you don't care how you compare to other guys.

TheMailmanic · 2020-08-09T08:19:20+00:00

Women don't fuck the best guy. They fuck the guy who is there in front of them, and who can connect with them and give them tingles. Trust me on this one

2020-08-09T05:51:24+00:00

Well not all girls like those guys, some of them will think you’re more attractive just because you’re their type.

The hottest girl in your eyes might be ugly in mine. So keep that in mind, it works for girls too

muff_marauder · 2020-08-09T07:39:47+00:00

Getting in shape goes a long way in getting attraction from women.

You don't have to be the biggest and the baddest... just get sufficiently muscular and work on the cocky/funny.

mydogfartzwithz · 2020-08-09T08:50:37+00:00

You either compete or play a different game

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