First date from OkCupid, girl freaks out when I try to hold her hand. WTF?

TheJollyLlama875 · 2010-09-01T19:34:03+00:00

I think what you're overlooking here is that she is Rogue from X-men. You should be lucky she let go when she did.

ThrowawayPUA · 2010-09-01T19:38:07+00:00

Watch this YouTube video series which goes into detail about kino and hand holding. In particular, notice he says that if you're in public, you should hold hands discreetly, maybe behind her back where nobody else can see. Close contact with women makes them "seem promiscuous" (his terms) and if she feels like people are seeing that, her ASD is activated and she feels uncomfortable.

sockthepuppetry · 2010-09-01T20:26:37+00:00

How old is she? Sounds like you just might be the first guy who's touched her.

Ivianna · 2010-09-02T04:19:18+00:00

Not being her, I can't say for certain what's up with this particular girl. All people have their own levels of comfort. That said, as a female who generally dislikes being casually touched, I probably would've gotten a little uncomfortable, too. Even if the date is going really well. As innocent as it is, hand holding can be creepy/uncomfortable at times. I wouldn't be okay with it on a first date. It takes me a good second date for it to be alright. The first date is the "get to know you" and I'd think touching is mostly out of bounds.

But to answer your actual questions:

E-mail was probably fine, as was how long it took for you to get in touch again. In fact, if you're unsure of how well it's going, e-mail might be the most comfortable option for her because it gives her an easier way to brush you off if she doesn't want further contact. Yes, it's passive aggressive and I won't comment on the moral merits (or whatever) of the issue. I'm just saying that you should prepare for that as a potential option. If she doesn't respond to your e-mail after a couple of days - depending upon how soon she typically responds to you - I guess it'd be alright to call. Or text. If she ignores you then, I'd start backing off. It'd be easy for her to justify further shitty treatment of you by thinking, "He's grabbing my hand on the first date, obsessively calling me..." If you do get another date, I'd be much more careful with the touching. Let her take the lead there for at least the duration of that one date. Play it from ear after that, but for the time being, keep your hands off until you have a better idea of what she's thinking.

And good luck. Women can be infuriatingly complicated sometimes.

Listro · 2010-09-02T06:23:56+00:00

Girl being awkward cause of a little hand holding is no big deal. Why was she awkward about it? It don't matter. Continue going on how you were and then hold her hand again. If you feel the need (which I probably wouldn't, but if it's your thing) you can throw in a "Same hand...now with 50% less awkwardness" or "You don't have to be awkward this time" or whatever.

I've had a similar experience, but different body part. I've had girls over my apartment on a first or second date and I would go to kiss them. They wouldn't even react. They'd kind of just sit there or go on like it didn't happen. Then 5-20 minutes later I'd go to kiss them again. 5-35 minutes later they'd be naked in my bed.

I've occasionally asked girls why they didn't even move when I first went to kiss them and it's usually something like, "I was too nervous" or "I was surprised and didn't know what to do".

So keep escalating and if she doesn't respond the way you want right away don't let it bother you and don't over analyze it.

Oh yeah, don't e-mail the girl after you hang out. Call her. Also, don't send her music when she behaves in a way that doesn't make her out to be a good date. If a girl goes creepy because of hand holding that is her being a bad date even if the rest is enjoyable. Reward when reward is merited.

Also, don't take any advice to be 100% fact. Adjust it as you learn to fit what happens and what you want in your life.

okcspecialist · 2010-09-01T20:38:53+00:00

Did you follow the dicarlo escalation ladder carefully? hand-holding is pretty late in the game. pm me if you can't find it by yourself.

Bluko · 2010-09-01T19:30:29+00:00

Dude, hand holding is, at the very least, a date 5 step. Even then you're pushing it.

2010-09-01T23:22:59+00:00

Damaged goods, move on.

TruthTaco · 2010-09-02T03:41:37+00:00

maybe she has OCD and doesn't want your germs.

ancalgon · 2010-09-02T11:56:15+00:00

"an email with a bunch of music albums she wanted me to send her and I figured I might as well ask when she was available next."

This is a basic problem. You are rewarding this girl when she doesn't deserve to be rewarded. Ask her out on another date, possibly, and give her a chance to prove herself (in any way; we are not talking about blowjobs in a park here). If that doesn't work out, drop it and treat this as a learning experience.

rmbarnes · 2010-09-02T12:02:57+00:00

Touching of the hands is considered fairly intimate. Also, a couple holding hands says, "We're in a relationship", which is a bit much for a first date.

MexicanRedditor · 2010-09-02T23:20:15+00:00

I know these type of girls. She's just shy bro. Did you try to hold her hand in public? Get her in the mood by taking her to a somewhat romantic place. You did good by trying to hold her hand on the first date. Making a move early is a like giving yourself a shot to prevent a terrible disease called the "friend-zone."

fradra9 · 2010-09-02T07:28:30+00:00

Cant pull that type of stuff on a first date man

Title	First date from OkCupid, girl freaks out when I try to hold her hand. WTF?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	19
Comments	33
Date	September 1, 2010 7:27 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/d8ca9/first_date_from_okcupid_girl_freaks_out_when_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/first-date-from-okcupid-girl-freaks-out-when-i-try.1311581 https://theredarchive.com/post/1311581

Comments