How do I approach this?

DeterminedToOffend · 2011-04-15T23:08:11+00:00

She knows EVERYONE at the bar because she is there often

Don't let her choose the location. You should take her places, not the other way around.

I'm not usually a touchy person but I did make contact with her a few times...

You need to work on this. Start practicing with [almost] EVERYONE! Just a simple touch on the shoulder during a conversation or the small of her back when she is talking to you (prefect for loud environments to make her get a little closer to you too). The more you do it, the more natural it will become; soon enough, you will do it without even noticing.

Normally I text too much, chatter, and basically beg (though not literally) for followup dates.

You need to get away from this. Stop caring so much whether or not you see her again. Desperation can be sensed easily and is very unattractive. Don't reply to her texts right away. Don't send more than one message if she doesn't reply. Don't send a message unless you have something important to say or want to make plans.

To be honest this girl is gorgeous and really just out of my league...

Get away from this mindset. No girl is out of your league unless you put her outside of it. Assume she is attracted to you and feels like that about you. Go from there.

Mostly I want to see if I can get her. If not...ah well.

That is a better attitude to have toward the whole thing. Keep this in mind at all times and use it to make yourself do things you normally wouldn't when you're with her.. because remember if it doesn't work.. ah well.

How do you get a girl to think you are busy and socialize when you actually have no friends and don't do anything?

This is a tough one. The obvious answer is to make friends, and do stuff.. but I'm almost certain that's not what you want to hear. Unfortunately if you want to have a balanced life... well you need to.. have a balanced life. You must have SOME friends. Start with them. Expand your social network in any way possible.

You've got a lot of work ahead of you my friend, but there is still hope. Good start, and best of luck in the future.

ImKumarYo · 2011-04-15T22:47:01+00:00

Side answer: Make real friends. Do things. Anything(s).

Seriously.

Start by reading the sidebar and talking to everyone. Everyone.

CuilRunnings · 2011-04-16T06:30:38+00:00

Your post is so full of negativity that any technical advice will be of no use. You need to find where inside you that you're an interesting person, and have confidence in the value that you bring to every situation. Once you master that, you will have girls like this with ease.

acartoontiger · 2011-04-15T22:53:49+00:00

Its worth pursuing, its always worth pursuing. You could have done better during the date but hey, couldn't we all do better all the time? You pulled a tough break by having all her friends at the bar and having tons of distractions. Actually if you are uncomfortable with having her staring and listening to you ALL the time, maybe it worked in your favor.

I won't give you any flak for the flower, she said it all, it was nice. I also found it amusing when you used the term "conversation fodder"... classic.

Asking her to come play pool with you is fine, but absolutely don't talk about the other guy leaving and her being sad... why would you bring it back into her mind? Also if you ask her to play pool, don't insinuate that other people will be there if they won't, make it obvious that you want to do this fun thing with her specifically.

Your side question is absurd. Ummm, make friends and start doing things? Until that happens, find a cool hobby and if she ever asks what you are doing and you don't know what to say, say that. I actually play guitar with my alone time so its not a problem, maybe you should look into it.

greenpixel · 2011-04-15T23:22:58+00:00

In general you seem really unsure of yourself, and worried at what she or others will think. It's important to get over this! By and large, strangers dont give a fuck, they won't notice any of the tings you obsess over doing wrong enough to judge you. Yeah the flower and all that goes against all the PUA stuff, but as long as you make it work for you then that's grand!

I would say, look out for being a "nice guy". This takes some clarification, I don't mean be an arsehole. The romantic wooing rarely cuts it, even though it's what most of us have been conditioned to do in attracting a woman. It makes you seem too available, and that you're doing all the chasing. Rather than being seen as a suitor trying to win over a woman, you should be seen as a fun guy to be around who also happens to be interested in this girl.

Holding her hand and touching legs (kino) probably provided you a bit of insurance against being friendzoned for a while, so next time you want to hang out (a day or two, the time you wait doesnt matter nearly as much as tv and films make it out to be) make it in a frame where you've got something fun to do and want to invite her along, pool/bowling are great, they're fun, very low pressure, provide plenty of conversation and opportunities for flirty teasing and kino (read the sidebar if you need to know the jargon).

Never tell yourself that a girl is out of your league. Physical appearance is a small part of attraction, and it's not like all the great PUAs are complete studs, in fact plenty of them are totally average looking and you wouldn't look twice at them were it not for their "aura" or whatever you want to call it. Also remeber that the aura isn't natural to PUAs, if it came naturally, then they wouldn't have had to come to the pickup community and pick apart how to attract women. They have cultivated the persona they want to have.

Finally, there are two ways to "get a girl to think you are busy and socialize"

Lie, tell her you're busy at the moment when she suggests hanging out.
Be busy and socialise! Seriously, it eliminates the need for lying (I avoid lying at all costs in almost all situations I get into, in pickup or outside of pickup. remember Abe Lincoln's words; "No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar"), if you arent that confident meeting new people, power through it and you'll get better. Trust me, I did it myself, i'm entirely different from who I was less than two years ago (edit; well, not entirely, I prefer to think i'm a much improved version of who i was less than two years ago). And through socialising you'll meet new people, make new friends, meet new women, get new stories and gain new experiences.

lololololsssss · 2011-04-16T02:12:59+00:00

Keep trying. Keep trying. Keep trying. God I cannot repeat that enough. Oh, that and just stop giving a fuck (easier said than done, I know...).

Most importantly, as you seem to be the same kind of person that I was, read my post about the dangers of the game without knowing everything about the game. You will succeed if you keep trying. The failures will suck, but you will eventually succeed. Once you succeed dont think that she is the only woman for you. You will do it once and you will do it again.

3rdFunkyBot · 2011-04-16T02:21:15+00:00

I just wanted to say that you are doing great and are on the right path. You know your weaknesses and know how to attack them. You just gotta stay strong!

This is an ongoing process in all of our lives, knowing what we could do better, practicing it - even when afraid of it, and eventually realizing that we have changed for the better.

You got this. Stick to your principles and stay logical - don't let your emotions cause you to bend or break your principles (i.e. getting worried and texting).

Again, you're doing great. Best of luck!

kcasto · 2011-04-16T06:00:01+00:00

I wish you luck on your journey. One simple thing I would recommend is to start a journal if you don't have one already. It helps to keep you focused every day and your goals on track. Also helps in terms of just remembering stuff..for me at least.

bythog · 2011-04-16T12:43:39+00:00

A lot of great advice so far and I appreciate all of it. Still have yet to contact her again but I was going to send her a text this afternoon to play pool tomorrow. Would:

"Playing pool tomorrow evening. You'll have a beer waiting for you after work."

be okay? I don't know if that's confident enough. I know she works on Sunday but think she gets off by 7pm or so. The only followups I would text are the time and place if she wants to go or crying and begging if she doesn't. Just kidding. I'll keep it cool.

nomdeanon · 2011-04-16T14:00:23+00:00

The more you convince yourself that you're "terrible with women" the more it will be true. Step #1 for you should be to get over yourself and start being awesome. Spend some time reading through as much "inner game" material as you can.

(1) stop apologizing for and qualifying your thoughts and actions. You are a man. You are a sexual being. Women want sex. Therefore, women want what you have. There is nothing to apologize for. You don't drink, that's fine. Just say "I don't drink." if someone gives you shit about it, fuck them. Don't apologize or qualify it.

(2) Stop supplicating. Supplication is the act of giving gifts, compliments, actions, "helping", a girl in the off-chance that she's secretly a prostitute whose sex can be bought with flowers. I never give gifts to women unless I'm in an LTR, even then, it's framed as an exchange. Women do not want to fuck a guy who is always buying them shit. They want to keep getting shit for free.

(3) Control your environment. You went to a place where she was in control, she had all the social proof, and you didn't have any. She was probably trying to show off to someone.

(4) You're in dangerous territory of becoming a friend. You need to get her out again ASAP. This time, take her somewhere where she doesn't know anyone. It should also be a place that you enjoy and are familiar with. The zoo during the daytime is great. Then kino the fuck out of her, I'm talking hand on lower back, guide the back of her elbow, brush her hair aside, playfully tickle her (at the right time, of course). You want to lead her through that zoo. Make one of your later spots the lion cage, and hold her close to you (as if protecting her). This should also present a good opportunity for a kiss.

WRT to your final question: You have to make her want to chat with you. For example, I never use text messages or facebook (disabled on my phone), because this is how she chats with her friends. I force women to either call me or e-mail me if they want to see me again. In this case, you're going to have to game her more to get her hooked.

There are plenty of resources on building attraction, escalation, etc. I suggest that you study them, practice for a few months. This girl may get away, but there will be (I swear to you) be dozens more later on when you're ready to conquer them.

Background on me: former AFC, ugly as shit (fucked up teeth, tall, skinny, big nose, crooked back). Before I learned the game, I had only two LTRs in 6 years, most of which was spent single. Within the first week of going out solo, I f-closed 3 women in that week. I felt like a fucking magician. I could not believe how powerful I felt. It was the most amazing feeling ever, I literally cried with joy at the end of that week, because I knew (a) that I'd soon be over my one-itis, (b) physical appearance doesn't matter to most women, it's "value". (c) I didn't have to spend hundreds of dollars on a girl just to bed her. A sushi lunch, a case of Killians, and a nice evening walk by the lake sealed the deal. Now I rarely spend more than $20-30 on a girl before I bed her.

So start studying, practice your inner game, practice talking to everyone, men, women, ugly fat, etc. build up stories, practice off-hand compliments that reinforce their choices/value (never say "gosh, you're pretty", instead say "those earrings are insane, where did you get them?")

HTH

HyeR · 2011-04-16T18:28:58+00:00

This post just put a bad feeling in my stomach.

Stop giving a fuck about everything, most importantly woman, if they dont want you its there loss.

Be the person you want to be. I feel like no one gets this ever, all there is in the world is YOU, without yourself there is nothing, so that means you control yourself and can influence everything around you if you choose to, we control our destinies.

And just be HAPPY. Always, someone makes fun of you, laugh it off and say good one, a girl turns you down, say whatever and walk away. You gotta learn to shut out all forms of self defeating and negative thoughts. Just constantly think to yourself you are an awesome person, over and over and over again, and guess what, thats what youll be, because like I said you are what you make of your self, life is a choice.

Title	How do I approach this?
Author	bythog
Upvotes	19
Comments	32
Date	April 15, 2011 10:38 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/gr3eh/how_do_i_approach_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-approach-this.1317408 https://theredarchive.com/post/1317408

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