Hooked Up With Friend, Need Some Advice Too

TofuTofu · 2011-05-15T16:10:24+00:00

You not only played it perfectly right, but you did the right thing. Feel proud!

You'll need to test her boundaries with a FWB arrangement. If you begin sleeping with each other regularly, try to mention something about some girl you met in a bar or something. If she reacts overly emotionally, you might be best off going back to strictly platonic.

Good luck, sir!

2011-05-15T17:22:01+00:00

I constantly get slated in seddit for telling some guys what dicks they can be but YOU are a gentleman and a scholar! You did exactly the right thing. You said what you thought and gave her an easy way out. It was her choice to hook up, so if she feels bad afterwards, you shouldn't feel guilty.

yokhai · 2011-05-15T18:50:25+00:00

Did you do the right thing?

Okay sit down. Are you sitting down? Good.

She is a fucking adult. As long as you don't lie, deceive or manipulate, you are fine. It is not up to you to mitigate the consequences of another adult's actions. She knowingly and willingly engaged in intercourse with you after you laid out the ground rules.

If she by some means of bitch-craziness decides that this changes things, that does not and should not rest on your shoulders.

You cannot be the arbiter of decisions for other adults you interact with. As long as you uphold your end of the social and seduction contract, anything that happens is not your fault.

Good luck and I hope she doesn't try to parlay this into a physical-emotional scheme to get you to be her boyfriend. I've had that happen to me...bitches be crazy.

_your_face · 2011-05-16T01:44:57+00:00

move on, you know she likes you, she will agree to whatever to have you in whatever capacity she can right now that shes after you. Shes hurting herself and your allowing it while excusing yourself with "i was honest". You say she's youre friend which implies you care about her. If so, realize she doesnt have the strength to not get into something thats going to hurt her, so its on you who is clear of mind to protect her by stepping back.

If trying to get a FWB relationship from her is more important to you than her well being, by all means proceed, get what you can and when stuff gets dicey head off. If you sincerely care about her, prioritize, let the hookup go, and go after someone else.

Box-Monkey · 2011-05-15T16:56:01+00:00

As tempting as the FWB arrangement might sound, it only has three outcomes:

Dissolution: You both end up reverting back to where you stand, pre-hookup
Relationship: You commit to a long-term sort of deal
Break down: it destroys the relationship that was previously. One of you will be more committed (aka her) and will be hurt by the others lack of commitment and will end up with resentment.

Overall, I wouldn't suggest it if you don't actually want the relationship. Leave it as a one time thing.

opticbit · 2011-05-15T20:12:16+00:00

Best frieds are ment to fuck ( of proper gender of attraction )

rblacksun · 2011-05-15T22:50:36+00:00

Actually, you and other people might think that you the right thing...but I disagree. I disagree because I, once, was on the other side of that equation and I have been in your shoes more than once.

If you really wanted to do the right thing you would have left her room and have not hooked up with her.

You gave her "hope" and "hope" with no means of acquiring what it is desire is worse than rejection and/or manipulation.

You sir have a big pile of shit on your hands specially since she is a co-worker and hopefully she is not a superior at the job and/or has the power to influence those above you in the corporate ladder otherwise, welcome to hell.

Best thing you can do right now...is do not proceed with the whole FWB thing..let it die..it will save you a lot A LOT of trouble later on.

Let it be a one time thing and end shit in good terms.

As a girl once told me "rblacksun, we're really good friends...but I don't like you and our friendship will go to shit if we keep hooking up" and it did. Both parties have to same amount of emotional value for the other.

silverkiller · 2011-05-15T23:13:39+00:00

Just know that a lot of women will try to use their pussy power to lock down a wild playboy. A lot of the times it doesn't work and they get hurt. No one knows why women like to play the bad boy game, but many do and its eventually, some stop.

The crazy ones will blame everything on the bad boy if it doesnt go their way. They dont want to accept that a man has had the most intimate thing they can share with a man and doesn't want to stick around. And it makes sense from an evolution point of view why they react this way.

I dont know if your friend hooked up because she hoped you would change your mind, but if it is her plan, shes probably going to claim you used her if you dont give in.

As others have said, shes an adult, shrug it off and move on. She has to accept the consequences to her actions.

Treezen · 2011-05-15T19:12:26+00:00

Is she hot?

xcoin · 2011-05-15T16:50:39+00:00

You handled it like a true gentleman.

2011-05-15T17:59:43+00:00

I was in a similar position and messaged MaysonNSS. He gave me some great advice which I'll pass on here.

Being up front and honest is something that people shy away from often times because they don't want to "hurt" another person. The problem with that is it tends to have the opposite effect.

It sounds to me like you are being upfront and honest with her 100%. You might be right and she might be falling for you and have all the intentions of a relationship but as long as you are communicating your intent CLEARLY then you cannot hurt her in the long term.

The reason I say long term is because it's like having a band aid over a wound. When it comes time to remove the band aid you want to do it in one quick motion not slowly pulling it off. Sure it's going to hurt for a min after you yank it off but pretty soon you will realize that it's less pain then you think.

She might be upset with you and call you every name in the book but understand over time she will respect you WAY more for stating your intent and also you will respect yourself which is the most important thing.

Hope this helps, Mayson

As for my situation, I am having a stellar time with a wonderful girl.

vylasaven · 2011-05-15T21:22:13+00:00

Curious: why are you so commitment-averse?

ittybittytitty · 2011-05-15T23:26:35+00:00

More like "don't worry honey, we'll still be friends tomorrow...can I just put the head in a little..pleeeeease"

2011-05-16T00:23:38+00:00

Popped in here to say nice job on handling the LMR. I thought I was reading a seduction script.

This may prove tumultuous and it may not, time will only tell. Just make sure to note somewhere that this girl is a little extra sensitive then all the other girls you will hook up with and you may need to give her a call every once in a while just for comfort's sake. She wants to know that you still think of her as a friend and for her that makes it a possibility that the relationship may get serious or not but for you it ensures that she doesn't go apeshit and wonder why you never contacted her again. Just my .02

mocoalatino · 2011-05-16T06:55:11+00:00

If she hasn't hooked up for awhile then your being nice and gentlemanly in more ways then one. If not she will probably find someone within two weeks if you don't show extra feelings. Not an expert but been in similar situations. To quote a wise person "If racking up numbers isn't that important to you, though, honestly is good and can still get you laid. Plus, you get karma points AND the girl may think you're the shit"

2011-05-16T12:05:11+00:00

Seddit, did I do the right thing?

I think it is safe to say you didn't do anything wrong. The "right" thing is a tricky subject. She was in a celebratory mood, she was attracted to you, she wanted to get fucked. You put your cards on the table she made an adult decision.

She implied something about becoming friends with benefits, and while I would LOVE that, if she legitimately likes me, I can see that turning sour quickly. What would you do?

Try to avoid "dates". If you are FWB then group activities are ok and booty-calls are ok but I think anything that could be considered a one-on-one date is probably going to mislead her.

sparrowpua · 2011-05-30T03:34:00+00:00

NYCProwl,

How'd it go with the mamacita?!

ThrowawayPUA · 2011-05-15T17:49:00+00:00

I concur, this was handled very well. You got LMR and did a classic Freeze Out. BUT it sounds like you felt the need to explain your Freeze Out. That does not matter. She's not listening to your logic, she's listening to her feelings. She was getting sexual stimulus that was making her feel good. You withdrew it in response to her LMR. That's a State Break. She wanted to get back to her previous, pleasurable state, so she re-engaged.

marvinkmooney · 2011-05-15T20:08:21+00:00

"dating" doesnt imply exclusive, really...this one is a thorny issue...on the one hand, you were honest...on the other, women are designed to get hurt from sex, basically. Why? cause human children do better with male parental investment, and that is easier to get if its done on fewer kids, ie HER kids, and not other girls kids. even though shes likely not thinking this, may even flat out not want kids, evolution has mostly made up womens minds for them on this issue. What im saying is, most women still get hurt from non-exclusive relationships (and from exclusive relationships too). Whats this mean? That you cant have sex with girls without hurting them? almost...it takes a very unique skill, and some specifically high standards, for you to get laid without the women being worse for it in the long term. Wierd huh...anyway, the good news is this skill really is possible, and there are girls that dont get hurt, or atleast can be taught to be emotionally stable. Would take forever to elaborate here though <;)

Title	Hooked Up With Friend, Need Some Advice Too
Author	nycprowl
Upvotes	46
Comments	64
Date	May 15, 2011 3:36 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/hbvgw/hooked_up_with_friend_need_some_advice_too/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/hooked-up-with-friend-need-some-advice-too.1318292 https://theredarchive.com/post/1318292

Comments