Warlizard the Natural (xpost from/r/bestof)

Edgarthefish · 2011-07-05T23:55:02+00:00

A Natural It seems to me this guy is a natural and realized a few things very early on. I'll be quick about it. Outcome independence. Having fun at ALL...

[–]sayn 9 points10 points11 points 15 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Warlizard 2 points3 points4 points 15 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Warlizard 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]chumpta 19 points20 points21 points 15 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

[–]huyvanbin 10 points11 points12 points 15 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

[–]Warlizard 4 points5 points6 points 15 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Warlizard 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Drijidible 5 points6 points7 points 15 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Warlizard 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

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[–]msmiitz 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Warlizard 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Warlizard 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link

[–]Edgarthefish 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link

[–]Warlizard 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

[–]wesno 2 points3 points4 points 15 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Warlizard 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Edgarthefish 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

It is framed as developing a social skill. Some of us missed on developing socially as adolescents and children. I certainly did.

My parents divorced when I was 8. We moved. My dad died in a car crash that almost took my brother. An accident in which I was also involved. We moved again. Then my mom decides to skip me a grade from elementary school to middle school. I lose all my friends and lose my support system I had in elementary school. New people, new school, new teachers and it all was a little too much for a 9 year old coping with his fathers untimely death. My mom then decides to go back to college to earn a living and to try and take care of me. Fast forward to her graduation. She meets a new new fellow who she ends up marrying and we move AGAIN.

New school and I'm now in high school. Things are looking up. WRONG! The new husband turns out to be incredibly controlling, and physically abusive towards my mother. Luckily she has enough wits about her to leave him after 8 months of marriage but it does not bode well for us. We end up living with my aunt for 6 months while she searches for a place for us to live. Making new friends in a new school is hard enough but almost impossible when you aren't even living in your own home and most of the kids know that you're living with your aunt and have little to offer.

TL;DR - Life was shitty as a kid and I never got the chance to develop any decent social skills, through no fault of my own.

[–]Warlizard 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]Edgarthefish 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

Well it seems things have worked out in your favor. I can only hope as much for myself. I've been carrying around a lot of baggage for a very long time and I'm just now finally going to talk to someone about it.

It's funny. May, Friday the 13th was the exact same day my father had died in that car crash 17 years earlier. I finally decided to go visit his memorial after probably 6-7 years and let loose many old emotions and things I never got the chance to say. I think in some ways it helped me shut the door a little more on how I see that event.

In almost every way my father's death defined my life. As I once wrote down long ago, "He was more than a man to me. He was a near god. And perhaps that is the greatest tragedy of all, missing the mortal moment of your own personal deity." I never witnessed the accident. I was asleep, stretched out on the backseat when it happened. Never any goodbyes or final moment or memory. Just black, then he was gone.

[–]Warlizard 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

Man, that's horrible.

Another way of looking at it was that it's terrible that he died but for the rest of your life you get to see him as that awesome man who loved you to pieces. He was never disappointed in you, never sorry you didn't go a certain way in life or get that certain job, and when he went far too early, he did it while you were peacefully asleep on the back seat while he drove you home.

You never told him you hated him, you never told him to go fuck himself, you didn't steal money from his wallet, he wasn't home late at night worrying you were ok and you didn't break his heart.

Let me tell you now, the rest of us did. Some of us lived long enough to make it up, some of us didn't. Some of our fathers died before we could say anything, some didn't.

While it was clearly too short, you had a relationship with your dad that was perfect in every other way and you should take some solace in that.

See, there's no need to say goodbye, because you have no reason to. You had the perfect relationship where both of you loved each other with no reservations. People say goodbye when they want to finalize something, make amends or tell the other person how they really feel.

You didn't need to. He already knew.

[–]Edgarthefish 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

One the flip side of that is I never remembered him saying I love you, I'm proud of you, You did well and I never got to experience that.

As much as I do take solace in that perfect miniature relationship. It's aftereffects were extremely important to the life I led afterwards. Those formal years of identification and development that a young person normally takes were glossed over.

I feel like I became nothing. I warmed to nothing. I didn't have many interests and any interests I had were burdened by my difficulty in caring. So recently I asked myself, "Did I become nothing because I never cared enough to become anything?"

Thanks for responding by the way. I know this couldn't possibly be a priority in your life as busy as it is. I'll just keep going until I get no response at all or run out of things to say.

[–]Warlizard 0 points1 point2 points 15 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]Edgarthefish 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]Warlizard1 point 15 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

You realize these are classic symptoms of depression, right? Your brain chemistry is fucked up.

Quick story:

So I was diagnosed with PTSD last week and they told me they were going to put me on some crazy-ass anti-depressants. This pissed me off because I'm not now nor have I ever been depressed. The psych told me that it was more about a state of hyper-alertness that was causing tension, anger, and my incredibly jumpy nature. She said the drugs would help mellow me out by doing something with the seratonin levels. It also can fuck you up pretty badly, including huge sexual side effects, problems sleeping, etc. I was freaking out. I had no idea what she was talking about with the whole seratonin thing.

My wife mumbled to herself "Sounds like St. John's Wort but with horrible side-effects."

The shrink said, "Oh, are you a nurse?"

Long story short, they have similar positive effects but the St. John's Wort is a freakin' herb. It's like 8 bucks for a bottle at Safeway and has ZERO side effects.

Anyway, we got home and my wife said, "You should try a couple of these pills, just to see if they work."

I did. That was last Thursday and since then, I haven't been angry, haven't yelled, fall asleep like normal, am not tense, am relaxed, productive, and feel great.

20 years. 20 fucking years I've been suffering from this shit and all I had to do was take a couple pills? So when I'm feeling irritable, I just take a couple more. No big deal. Cheap as shit and I'm not mad anymore. It's the most remarkable physical transformation I've ever seen.

TL;DR -- Go RIGHT NOW out to the grocery store and buy a bottle of St. John's Wort. Take 2. Call me in the morning.

Oh, and by the way, I have property up in Columbus and we're up there all the time...

[–]Edgarthefish2 points 15 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Yes. I was diagnosed with Bi-polar Disorder type II when I was 22. I took pills for a little while that definitely helped me. I've developed coping mechanisms also. Noticing when I'm getting down by consciously redirecting my thoughts. Calming myself down when I have manic episodes. I am depressed. I know that. But pills aren't going to make me want to do anything. The issues I have aren't going to improve or disappear because of a pill.

I'm a big advocate of cognitive therapy. Talk therapy more or less. It helps lots of people. Clinical studies have shown that talk therapy is as effective or more effective than mild doses of SSRI medications in treating mild to moderate depression. I only recently started going to see a counselor and have opened doors into my thought processes I never would have otherwise. I believe that my brain isn't necessarily congenitally deformed to cause an imbalance in my brain chemistry. That my actions, thoughts, and emotions based in irrational and distorted thinking have over the years re-wired and saturated my neural pathways pre-disposed to negative thoughts and schemes of myself.

Really, seeing a counselor was kind of a last ditch effort for me. I've been surviving and not thriving for a long time. Every effort I made to enhance my life was thwarted by my apathy, my own personal distortions of myself and my future. My hopes for improvement were sabotaged by the lasting effects of my upbringing.

Only now it seems that talking about these things has brought me any closer to tearing down those walls built up inside my mind. Medically speaking I'm re-wiring my brain through conscious thought. Hopefully repeated magnification of those thoughts will reinforce the pathways to redefine how I look at myself and my abilities.

I think much of my trouble comes from knowing how I should behave and recognizing that behavior in others and ultimately failing in feeling the same way they do and reacting in a positive light as they do. That gulf between knowing and feeling has created a dichotomy in my actions and thoughts. Doing and knowing have been built against each other in the same mind and body and I can't see over it to help myself. I need someone to help me slowly break it down.

Again thanks, this conversation has exposed my own thoughts on where I'm going and that, perhaps, for once, I'm headed in the right direction. Albeit a slow correction of course but one that might finally bear some lasting fruit for the person I know I can and should be but fail to feel.

[–]Warlizard0 points 15 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]Edgarthefish2 points 15 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]Warlizard1 point 15 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]SpiderFan 1 point2 points3 points 15 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	Warlizard the Natural (xpost from/r/bestof)
Author	Edgarthefish
Upvotes	50
Comments	54
Date	July 5, 2011 11:55 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ihmu5/warlizard_the_natural_xpost_fromrbestof/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/warlizard-the-natural-xpost-fromrbestof.1319937 https://theredarchive.com/post/1319937

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