How to be Alpha, but still be nice

lieutenantslothrop · 2012-05-16T03:51:24+00:00

You haven't fully grasped what it means to be Alpha. Your definition of Alpha is ultimately your own, so you need to figure out what you're passionate about in life, what you stand for, and the other core confidence markers that make you an individual human being. Some known Alpha traits are: standing for your principles, protecting your friends and family, staying confident, knowing what you want, willingness to give and receive, and the belief that no single person on this planet is better than you or deserves more respect than you do.

tldr: Read more intro stuff on the sidebar

sparkydoomscat · 2012-05-16T03:38:13+00:00

Alpha and being nice aren't mutually exclusive. You can certainly care about girls, I hope you do. You should read the What is and isn't onitis post. Basically, you shouldn't let yourself get hung up on one girl, that's a weak character trait to invest that much in someone too fast.

HedoNNN · 2012-05-16T04:06:18+00:00

Nice Guy VS Jerk fallacy...
Everything you need to know about is in the Book of Pook.

Vadims · 2012-05-16T09:42:06+00:00

Be like Don Draper.

Wollff · 2012-05-16T09:58:22+00:00

Also is there any way I could balance out the Alpha with the Nice guy?

No, probably not.

Clearly it depends on what those terms mean to you. But they certainly can be mutually exclusive: If "being nice" means constantly compromising for others, constantly putting your own values, aims, and wishes behind those of others, then no "being nice" is probably not compatible with "being alpha".

The whole concept of "alphaness" comes down to being in control of what you want, knowing what you want, and acting to get what you want. All the rest this term signifies emerges from that kind of straight and (to an extent) uncompromising attitude toward life.

So first, clarify what exactly you want: You want to be nice. You want to enrich other people's lives. You want to be helpful, friendly, and supportive to the people you know. If you want that, then do exactly that, confidently and without compromise. That is, as they say, alpha as fuck.

But being nice doesn't mean that you have to let other people use you as a prop for their ego, as their wallet, or as an emotional dumping ground. If you refuse to be all that, some people might not consider you nice anymore. If you can deal with that, there is no problem. If you can't, that whole "alpha" thing probably isn't for you.

carrotplanter · 2012-05-16T14:35:33+00:00

Hey, being alpha doesn't mean being a dick. You mention that you seem to care a lot about any girl that you're with. Perhaps you come across as too needy or desperate. Well then that's the part of you that you need to work on. You can continue being nice all you want. What you want to do is simply become more self-assured and self-confident, less outcome dependent and approval-seeking. You'll find plenty of information on how to go about doing these things in here.

P.S. Welcome to seddit!

Tall_Is_All_You_Need · 2012-05-16T06:37:24+00:00

I think a key tenet of this question is "Am I changing the very core of my being to influence this girl -- to make her 'like' me?"

Plenty of girls like assholes, sure, but there are plenty more who don't. If you're NOT an asshole, then it would follow logically to me that you're not going to be interested in girls who like assholes. And that's fine. Screen for that during qualification.

I can't infer specifically from the way you wrote it, but it sounds like you may need to better define what your goal is. If your goal is a girlfriend -- someone you can "be nice" to, then club slut game is not going to serve you as well.

"Being Alpha" should never be the end goal. Being Alpha is more than a tool to help you achieve the goals; it's more a state of mind I suppose, but it's not the goal.

That said, you can be polite, but as I said earlier - if you're putting forth more investment into a girl than you're getting from her, THIS is going to subconciously trigger nice guy syndrome in her. Girls have precise radar for this, and while they won't acknowledge it, they'll wonder "Why is he going out of his way for me when I'm not doing the same for him. It's needy. ABORT!"

I hope that answers your question. TL;DR: don't change who you are for a girl. She should fit into your life, not be your life.

eablokker · 2012-05-16T17:43:28+00:00

Simple. Be better than nice. Be honest, generous, thoughtful, and kind.

2012-05-16T18:15:40+00:00

You have to define "nice".

Caring about people IS alpha. But making yourself a doormat to be nice, is not.

Give some examples of what you would do to be nice, and what you think would be the "not nice" thing to do in that situation.

I'll give you one: Girl constantly contacts you whenever she is down/dumped/sick/needs a favour etc, but whenever you contact her to ask what is up/party?/date she very rarely responds, and when you do its negative (can't, in bed...bla).

A girl in your class/course contacts you, saying she needs new dress and could you pleeeeeaase give her a ride to the mall. You are her only chance to get there, she says. She adds that you could get some ice-cream together once you are there. Wouldn't that be nice? ;) From experience, you think this mall-trip could take 2-3 hours.

You were planning on watching a football game, and a good mate of you texted: "what is up?" You have not responded to him yet. What do you do?

What is the nice thing, and what do you feel is not nice?

yougottawanna · 2012-05-16T03:45:54+00:00

My young friend, 36 year old here starting over in life after a bad marriage - do yourself a favor right now and go to Amazon and order yourself a copy of "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover.

You are heading down the same disappointing path I was on for a lot of years. You need to make sure that what you think is "nice" and "caring" isn't secretly your subconscious attempts at bargaining for what you think you deserve in return. That book could change your life, son.

Good luck.

ShamwowTseDung · 2012-05-16T04:22:49+00:00

[deleted]

What is this?

RUScrewedAgain · 2012-05-16T08:54:49+00:00

Being Alpha simply means not giving a fuck. However this doesn't mean to act like a douche. It means not to be reactive to your envirorment. You are always in control of it and people react to you, you don't react towards them.

MarniWingGirl · 2012-05-16T16:29:38+00:00

I actually don't think you have to lose that quality at all: just combine it with other more 'alpha, leader' characteristics at the same time. Do women want a man who doesn't care about them? Of course not! But they also want a man that they can respect. This means saving your 'nice' qualities for women who have shown they care about you too, having good boundaries, making decisions and being a sexual leader. This doesn't mean you scrap the good guy... just that you make sure the good guy is certain and confident in who he is. - Marni Wing Girl

k1ngk0ngwl · 2012-05-16T18:35:53+00:00

There are different ways to maintain power in social circles. Sometimes it is through deceit or violence, but it can also be through generosity (depending on how you do it). There is no right way to do it, but depending on how you do it will result in different responses from people. You can be nice and still be alpha, just don't be a pushover. Give without expecting anything in return, and you are off to a good start. Just don't ever sacrifice what you need for what other people want.

CapnZebra · 2012-05-16T21:51:54+00:00

There is a lot of great advice, and I thank everyone, I was having trouble getting into the Alpha mindset, and this made me realize that getting into that mindset doesn't mean I have to become a totally different person, just to be confident, strong on my values, and go for what I want and get it. So I'm gonna picture who I want to be, visualize that person, how he would look and how he would act and then I'm going to fucking own that, and become him.

dantaeos · 2012-05-17T23:16:58+00:00

Don't worry too much about the whole alpha thing. Read the basics on abundance and natural game (RSDfreetour) and then just go out and approach. You will feel the alpha come.

readsyouruserhistory · 2012-05-16T04:16:42+00:00

You're Welcome

Title	How to be Alpha, but still be nice
Author	CapnZebra
Upvotes	19
Comments	28
Date	May 16, 2012 3:23 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/tpdqx/how_to_be_alpha_but_still_be_nice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-be-alpha-but-still-be-nice.1332766 https://theredarchive.com/post/1332766

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