I never feel strongly about any girl I date and I want to. What am I doing wrong?

k1ngk0ngwl · 2012-07-09T01:54:03+00:00

Two things, friend...

You know that feeling when you come across a new song? That feeling when you say something smart and everyone agrees with you and is impressed? Confirming your own personal culture is what people spend half their time doing. Do you think Christians go around looking to prove their religion wrong on the Internet? No, they are going to search out stuff that makes them feel better.

This may not make much sense, but the lesson here is that culture, your own personal culture, is your reality. In general, your relationships are going to click if you two both share a common personal culture. Obviously, there are exceptions, and open-minded people tend to be more flexible, but the reality is that most people aren't nearly as open-minded as they'd like to think.

This is why going to bars is, pretty much, asinine. If you just want to get laid, ok, but the best sex and the best meaningful relationships are going to form between people with common interests and common relationship dynamics.

So, number 1, find someone who enjoys the same things you do. Someone you are physically attracted to instantly. Personally, I scuba dive and I travel... a lot. Meeting fellow scuba divers and fellow travelers yields far more success than getting loaded at the club.

Number 2... worrying about finding that connection is limiting yourself from finding that connection. I don't feel like explaining why, atm, but take my word for it... you need to be working on yourself and having outcome independent social interactions.

I met this girl once through match.com. She basically said that she is looking for earth shattering love and will settle for nothing less. More was the pity. We met, we made love, we ate at nice places, listened to good music and it was good. It was really, really good. But she was intimidated by me, she wasn't actually ready for real love and because she "knew" I wasn't the one, she basically sabotaged the whole thing and shit-tested into eternity. Eventually, I met someone better and left her in the dust.

She limited herself. She wasn't outcome independent. She was trying to force an intangible connection that must nearly always arise organically for it to work right.

So, just be yourself, be cool, have fun. Do things you like, and stop worrying about "the one."

Don't ever focus on getting laid. Focus on creating meaningful relationships. When you create meaningful relationships, you always gain something from them. It may not be the be all and end all romance of your life, but you are taking the first step in managing your relationship dynamics rather than letting them manage you.

Good luck. Don't sweat it. Don't make mountains out of molehills.

Most people are sheep. Most people are annoying and gross. You have to sift through thousands of chicks to find any that are worth your time. Consider yourself in the beginning of that sifting process.

PUAdept · 2012-07-09T02:49:31+00:00

Move up a "weight class". It sounds like you have no trouble getting girls interested. Great, now hold out for someone special, a 10 in your mind.

2012-07-09T12:28:35+00:00

And the fact that due to this I've never really been with any girl

You're scared of something, something is holding you back, a limiting belief. It could be many things - lack of experience, thinking that you're not worthy enough, thinking that she's not worthy enough, scared of hurting her, ...

glassuser · 2012-07-09T15:38:14+00:00

You know how you do those routines to build attraction and comfort? They work on you too - even when you know what you're doing. Don't spare them, even if you think she doesn't need them.

makinplays · 2012-07-10T12:09:19+00:00

I know what you mean. Whenever I see a girl I like it seems that I like her heaps so I start making moves, then she starts to like me. Once that happens I start to like her less the more she likes me.

I dunno what it is, but it's kinda annoying.

2012-07-10T17:06:52+00:00

You're dating the wrong girl.

Title	I never feel strongly about any girl I date and I want to. What am I doing wrong?
Author	Boooheo
Upvotes	13
Comments	15
Date	July 9, 2012 1:21 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/w8wbe/i_never_feel_strongly_about_any_girl_i_date_and_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-never-feel-strongly-about-any-girl-i-date-and-i.1335460 https://theredarchive.com/post/1335460

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