Common Dating Error: Giving Away Your Interest Too Soon

achinator · 2013-07-03T20:22:28+00:00

Points in this article:
- Don't show interest early (I disagree)
- Keep the mindset that you are trying to get to know her, not trying to impress her or win her over (I agree) - Have standards (I also agree)

I feel like the article has a bad title because showing interest too early is only a problem if you don't follow the other two points. If I meet a girl that I think is cute, and she's got a lot of things about her that I find attractive or interesting, I'm not going to waste any time before I make my interest clear to her. I think the point he was trying to make was don't confess your love to a girl before you even get to know her, and when you do get to know her, make sure you're qualifying her against your standards. i.e. Don't be desperate/needy.

stornm · 2013-07-04T01:07:00+00:00

No offense to OP, but I think byfar the best part of this post is in its sidebar: "approach excitement." What a novel idea. Instead of calling that butterfly feeling anxiety, which has a negative connotation, frame it as excitement, which has a positive.

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2013-07-04T01:19:24+00:00

Fuck this. Moving fast has always been positive for me. Sure, a first date is not the situation to be talking about rings and babies, but pretending not to be interested is a deceptive waste of everyone's time. Every second you don't show interest is a missed opportunity. Play it cool, show her that you're interested, but not that you're willing to wait around while she plays the field.

This will find no place in my routine.

Back2thedrawingboard · 2013-07-04T01:12:09+00:00

Maybe it's my age (32F) but I'm all about a guy being up front. I like someone to be like, "you're cool. I want to get to know you." right out of the gate. I've gone by the philosophy of he's just not that into you since I was 15. If someone acts aloof I'm going to assume that they're not interested and move on pretty quickly.

theoctopuss · 2013-07-04T05:57:54+00:00

This was my big mistake. Girls tell me they think I'm cocky, or a player. Just about every girl I've been in a relationship with has expressed feelings that I'm going to cheat on them, or be gone as soon as a so-called "hotter girl" came by. These girls were all 7+, one of them could have modeled.

The thing is guys, you have to get to know them, so to speak, before you show any interest. We're smart, so this might take 30 seconds or 2 hours. I set a minimum of 5 minutes, as in don't show interest no matter what for at least 5 minutes. I set a maximum of 30 minutes, depending on the situation. You must be able to hold a conversation. Use any approach technique. If you don't have 5 minutes, that's fine. You don't news to show interest, per se, to get a number as you all know.

As soon as I started doing these things instead of showing obvious interest, my success rate skyrocketed. 2 girls, who knew eachother. Same day. For weeks, girls I just met couldn't help themselves. Of course, some weren't actually interested. This made my success rate go from 1/8 to 1/5, for a statistical view.

Sound advice.

jblzk · 2013-07-04T10:34:38+00:00

Bullshit article : Direct approach is great. I think that girls are also tired of these little manipulations. They imediatly know you are interested. You don't have to apologise for being a man. In a date, when a girl tells me that she don't feel ready or she just broke up with her boyfriend, i tell her : "I understand that you don't feel like it's the right time and i respect that. My path is the one that makes me happy and that's my invitation". Stand up as a man in front of her. With this i don't need to kino escalate, i just say "I like you" and look in her eyes without saying anything. The kissing and the fucking comes immediatly after that because i'm a man, i'm intense with her feelings and she doesn't get that very often. For me sincerity is the most important thing.

timthetollman · 2013-07-04T01:53:40+00:00

Is this not contradictory to making your intent clear?

xplio · 2013-07-04T13:25:20+00:00

I think the article is confusing 'interest' with neediness. You don't want to show neediness too early.

Kardlonoc · 2013-07-04T04:55:09+00:00

Women are not interested in a man who has no mystery. If you lay yourself bare, that's the end of the story and she will move on. At the same time, don't be evasive and hidden like you got something to hide.

dj_bizarro · 2013-07-04T03:20:52+00:00

Giving away your interest too soon is a common life mistake.

Making a major purchase. Settling on a salary. Fantasy draft? Don't show your excitement too much on that sleeper RB in the 6th round. Uhh that's all I got for now but it's a very common mistake.

sportsokkendrager · 2013-07-04T02:16:09+00:00

Your focus in the first meetup should not be on trying to get her, but rather on getting to know her. This means you’re not over-eager to schedule a meet-up or willing to drop everything of importance for a date.

So I should try to get to know her without a meet-up or date?

Title	Common Dating Error: Giving Away Your Interest Too Soon
Author	ThePermanentGuest
Upvotes	239
Comments	29
Date	July 3, 2013 7:18 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1hl3bp/common_dating_error_giving_away_your_interest_too/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/common-dating-error-giving-away-your-interest-too.1354849 https://theredarchive.com/post/1354849

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