I'm tired!

FeministsLoveMe · 2013-07-11T20:47:42+00:00

Here's what took me far too long to figure out that will save you a couple years. Getting girls to make yourself feel better is not what you should aim to do.

Instead, make yourself independently happy

Easiest way to do this is with friends and hobbies.

Try sailing lessons (moneymaker)

Try a co-ed sport like soccer or something

Sign up for crossfit classes with your buddies and tackle the challenge

Just do something you've always thought was cool and put your heart into it, use all those chicks that walked all over you as your fuel for your new ever-burning fire

Do this and I swear, you'll have such an aura of fun and internal happiness that will make you absolutely irresistible.

Start with this: clean your room and make it impeccably clean like you're having a supermodel stay the night with you tonight. Then get out there and do something social. Strike up conversation with a random girl today, doesn't matter if she's hot, unattractive, young, or old. Look at it the same way, she's a girl and you need practice socializing. There's something amazing about the complete honesty you can have with a complete stranger, translating that type of rapport to every scenario leads to conversation a level above the typical "where are you from" and "what was your major" kind of drudgery.

miles_v · 2013-07-11T15:35:49+00:00

This frustration can be used as fuel for getting off your ass and improving yourself.

It's easy to lose sight of priorities. One thing that worked for me in the past is to write down a "mantra". A couple of years ago, I was similarly frustrated. So I wrote down all the things I wanted to improve, on a piece of paper.

I wrote them in terms of "this is what I believe in, this is what's important to me, these are my goals". I think it's better to frame it that way than to be overly negative.

Then, what I did was get up early every morning, go for a quick walk and read this mantra that I had written down. It was a good way to remind myself of my priorities, get focused and make sure I wouldn't waste the day doing shit I'd regret in the evening.

It's easy to get distracted. This "mantra" thing is what I used to keep myself on track.

longlive4chan · 2013-07-11T17:46:20+00:00

I've been there man. When I stated college I was 6'0" and 145 lbs, never kissed a girl, and had a terrible time being assertive with other people, just absolute 0 self esteem. I'm doing much better now.

First things first, I recommend hitting the gym and adding some mass to yourself. If you start to feel healthy and like the way you look, you can't help but be more confident and outgoing.

Start thinking more about what you want out of your life and don't be afraid to embrace it. I remember that if I wanted a girl and thought she was attractive, I was terrified that she would find out. Guess what? This got me exactly 0 girlfriends. Be honest. If your flirting with a girl and tell her she looks sexy, you'll be surprised how often she'll be receptive to this. Be confident and honest and outgoing with women.

I can write more later , but stick around here and read lots of things. And look in the side bar and read TofuTofu's Above the Game series.

You're gonna be just fine bud, don't worry.

2013-07-11T16:33:24+00:00

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thatswhatshesedit · 2013-07-11T19:44:16+00:00

Models by Mark Manson. find it on the web (pdf).
To clarify instructions: Do not put dick in internet.
Read the book and get your head in the game.
..oh yeah. Also read The Game.

2013-07-11T19:56:23+00:00

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achinator · 2013-07-11T20:13:01+00:00

The other advice here about finding your priorities is great, but there's another half of that that I think is equally important... Removing the things from your life that are holding you back. There was a time where I used to play video games for like 5 hours a day. When I looked back at all that time I had spent I realized that I would be so much happier I would be if I did something productive. Something I could tell stories about to my friends. Something that improved my life like learning new skills or improving my health.

My big time sinks were video games, tv, and binge-drinking with my friends on the weekends. I stopped video games altogether, I only watch a few good shows now, and I cut back on my drinking big time. With all that extra time I started working out, eating better, reading books, socializing more, mountain biking and teaching myself random skills like juggling and origami. I'm so much happier with the way I spend my time now. Don't worry too much about the women at first, they will come after you get your shit straightened out and you're proud of the life you're leading. Stick around learn some stuff and have fun. This is just the beginning.

2013-07-11T20:15:40+00:00

Hello,

The frustration you feel is a normal progression in life that we all have to go through at some point. Some people go through it really early, some don't get through it until later on in life. Honestly It sucks, but what can you do?

First things first, you need to change yourself. No, I don't mean become someone different. I mean change the way you think. Put value into yourself. If you were a stock right now, nobody would want to invest in you. Why's that? You don't have a solid business plan, and your results are shit. Here's the good news, you aren't alone. Every man goes through this and now it's your turn to change.

There's a saying my grandfather told me in high school that applies to this situation. "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten." In your case, being introverted has gotten you very little in terms of attention. Think about what you like, what are your passions in life? Put some value into yourself, and discover what YOU want.

First, change the way you dress. Get properly fitting clothes that suit your body type. Get some nice shoes that match your outfits. Take showers daily, and use deodorant and a light spritzing of cologne. Keep your facial hair well groomed, or even clean shaven. Do this EVERY DAY. Showing that you can take care of yourself not only demonstrates value to prospective women, but also makes you feel better about yourself (Thus helping with depression). Look at yourself in the mirror, is there something you could change? If you can, change it.

Next you need to make yourself more interesting. I bet you like certain things. I myself like alcohol, cooking, video games, movies, camping, sports, and ATVs. I can use my past experiences with these interests to create conversation topics. Some girls might like certain topics, while other might not. For example, I play and have played a number of MMORPGs. Now women usually see this as boring. Which is fine, nothing against them. I mention that I play video games to see if it generates any interest. No? Okay onto the next subject. I ask about their interests, and if there is something unique, I ask the questions about it. Having a wide range of interests, and being open to new ones, will allow you to keep the conversation going.

Now approaching women is not an easy skill to obtain. In fact it's downright difficult. Here's the thing though, some men look at a rejection as a defeat. "If this girl didn't want me, who would?" Remember your fighting a war here, and each interaction is a battle. Do you surrender after one defeat, or do you keep fighting? Just because one girl isn't interested, that doesn't mean that all girls aren't interested. You need to keep trying.

To use a video game analogy, your skill points at meeting new people are currently at a 0. You need to grind that experience if you want to max out that skill. Each rejection is like failing a quest. Sure you don't get the reward, but you did grind a little XP in the attempt. Each acceptance is like succeeding in a quest. Thus giving you a larger reward and bonus XP. Just remember to keep learning from every interaction.

Also start working out. Some people make it their primary interest, I'm not that way. I spend maybe 30 minuets a day working out. Not much time in the grand scheme of things. This will do a few things for you. Raise your confidence, raise your attractiveness, and raise your self worth.

I would start here, then keep an eye on the site. Many of these guys know what they are talking about and you'll learn a lot from the discussion posts.

tl/dr: Work on yourself first.

crazy_fly · 2013-07-11T18:13:03+00:00

If you feel depressed, maybe you should seek professional help.

If you don't feel you need help, then the first step in getting out of a depression is ACTIVITY.

Get active, even it it means only going for a short walk every day.

Find your values in life (what kind of person do you wish to be?) Values are things you find very important in life and lead you to obtain certain goals. For example, certain people have religous values that lead them to do or not do certain behaviors.

Then there is acceptance. Accepting that life is a bitch sometimes.

And then there is committed action. Even though life is a bitch, you have what is important to you and can keep pursuing what is meaningful in your life.

Self-compassion is important because self-blame is very easy. You are doing the best you can with the knowledge and resources that you have. By starting to accept and forgive yourself for your errors it will be possible to slowly change.

I've been low down. When I was a teen I had a really bad time in High school. I even crashed my first year of university. I flunked out and stayed in my dorm.. Ever since I've been striving to become what I want.

Change is slow and difficult. There are no easy solutions. Have that in mind when you want to change. remember to be self-forgiving when you don't meet your expectations, because that will happen.

2013-07-11T20:40:44+00:00

Read This

Remember, the progress IS the result!

2013-07-11T23:38:24+00:00

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im2rad2b4go10 · 2013-07-11T20:45:29+00:00

Go to the gym and lift weights. 3 sets of squat, 3 sets of bench, 3 sets of deadlifts, and curls and triceps. Do that for a few weeks and your life will improve in all facets.

Sangria_and_Soccer · 2013-07-11T20:19:15+00:00

Admitting your dissatisfaction is half the battle! Keep it up. What is it that you've always loved to do but stopped doing as much (poker, sports, dancing, music, etc..) ? Start doing that thing again immediately. If don't have any hobbies that you truly like what's something that you respect and you would like to try? Try it! As for the girl stuff, you've cone to the right plave. Take a peek at the sidebar. Some resources I recommend: The Blueprint by Real Social Dynamics and Models by Mark Manson.

beven5 · 2013-07-11T20:43:56+00:00

Join a Gym.

And Follow Your Passions.

le_boux · 2013-07-11T20:44:39+00:00

Come hang out with me. I can't promise you that you'll meet anyone great, but you will not be bored and you will do some interesting social exercises.

In Charleston, SC until Oct.

Gelnn · 2013-07-11T21:04:22+00:00

How about suffering through the work for a few years of hard-core self-improvement. Works wonders.

merzen · 2013-07-11T21:22:37+00:00

i'm sorry if this sounds inappropriate but that is AWESOME to hear! I have benefited so much from the people on this board and the resources that i've discovered through this and other self help boards. But when I see my friends with problems I tell them, read this book, watch this video, this is the mindset change i've had that has helped so much, but because they haven't gotten to the point you have they don't think they need help, so I CAN'T help them. the fact that you have gotten to that point that you want to change, you are at the start of an amazing journey.

read books. 7 habits of highly effective people, the war of art, how to win friends and influence people, are endlessly recommended but for good reason, they will change the way you think.

find your friends. if your friends don't want to help you improve go meet new people.

go out a lot.

anywho, there's a lot of good advice coming in. good luck.

IceCream_Social · 2013-07-11T22:13:41+00:00

You've got the path laid out right in front of you buddy. If you're watching too much porn make a commitment to yourself to not watch porn. If you think you're too skinny start working out and eating more. If you're an introvert start putting yourself into situations where you will have to be more outgoing.

One thing that has really helped me along the way is the realization that in order to change you're going to have to GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE. That's seriously the hardest thing you will have to do. Your comfort zone is probably your biggest enemy on the entire path to self improvement, you just gotta tell that motherfucker to sit down and shut up while you do your thing. Once you get used to doing things out of your comfort zone your life will start changing for the better.

NicoSPRX · 2013-07-11T22:45:22+00:00

Honestly, start small. You basically described me 6 months ago after separating from my ex of 2 years. I wasn't even brushing my teeth at night anymore, depression had hit hard. Then I started flossing every night. This meaningless act gave me a small enough boost of confidence because I was doing something for myself. This small/tiny and seemingly pointless action led me to want to do more "good" things for myself. I began doing chores and grooming myself more often. Eventually, I ended up signing up at a gym (which was so far out of my comfort zone) and I just kept with it. Didn't give myself a reason for going, other than I did not want to sit at home all day doing nothing. I needed at least one productive thing to do a day. The gym became that for me and for some weird reason (well actually there is science behind it) my confidence shot through the roof. My depression slowly faded away and today I am almost a different person. So start small, for people like us, jumping into a whole new lifestyle is not easy.

fl0l · 2013-07-11T23:43:57+00:00

Good for you man.

You know what you want to change.

My only advice is : be your better self.

Force yourself to be at your best. You don't want to be clingy : FORBID you from doing something you think is clingy. You don't want to do nothing : DO ANYTHING, THE FIRST THING that pop.

The first try, you will suck at it. Like the first time everyone flirt with women. Or the first time you have friend over and want to impress when you are 8. You do stupid shit ("oh my god, did i really did that to her, it was so creepy").

But it's baby step. And you will get good. You will be the man you want to be.

On top of that, we no have the internet. We can learn faster from our mistake, we can learn so much, we have so much activities.

Imagine what it would have been 50 years ago when someone wanted to learn a skill, understand the social dynamics or get buffed. Way harder.

Go for it.

NonchalantlyIgnorant · 2013-07-12T04:50:46+00:00

You need to work on yourself more. The reason you're clingy is because you don't have a solid frame to be confident in. In your post, you sound like you're not the man you want to be. You can always fake your alter ego to fuck some dumb broad every now and then, but is that really worth it? Don't you want a worthy woman to chase after you? Then you have to be a worthy man.

By God, you have so much that you need to work on.

Fucking lift weights and eat more
Read some fucking books and get some interesting things you can talk about
Jack off like once a week because it's a fucking waste of time if you're addicted and flipping the burger for hours every day. This brings me to next point. Work on getting rid of your porn addiction. Join a help group or some shit.

You do all this, then you approach women. Good luck.

Gamma_Male_ · 2013-07-12T05:49:26+00:00

Well many people here have been, are in your shoes. It's almost obvious what you should do based on your own post.: - Befriend yourself. Be your own best friend. Start improving not because you hate what you are but because you love yourself and you want the best for yourself. - Improve your body - Improve your social skills in general - Find new real world non-cyber hobbies - Take care of your hygiene
- Learn more about men's fashion

This is your to-do list. Now you need to coach yourself to make these happen. Make sure you're doing something towards one of these goals everyday. Then you'll find yourself in a totally life-style. Good luck!

WillRedditForBitcoin · 2013-07-12T09:47:54+00:00

One step at a time man. The transformation won't be instant. Be prepared to work on yourself over a long time. Start hitting the gym. Get out of the comfort zone. Build on your success and keep on going. Game is easy when you feel and look healthy both physically and mentally.

TallVikingThrowaway · 2013-07-13T00:19:43+00:00

Work in progress here.

Start working out.

Get hobbies that you can be passionate about.

If you are unsure what to talk to people about (because of your lack of hobbies) talk about traveling, it's easy to be passionate about if you've ever had a sucessful vacation, places you want to go is also a good conversation subject which can teach you alot about the other people in the conversation.

Also read the sidebar material and the top rated stuff.

Good luck!

Kyoni · 2013-07-11T19:30:14+00:00

I completely understand what you're saying here. I had the exact same mindset as you not too long ago (a couple weeks ago actually). I am 5'7'', overweight, I'm too clingy, too jealous, too "shy", people think i'm such a "nice" guy but really that's just bending over backwards for the convenience of others. I let people walk over me, especially girls that I have an interest in. I thought I had no game what so ever, and for a while it was true but that was only because I believed I had no game. I am loud, but when it comes down to one on one interaction, I clam up, especially when I'm around someone I just met even more so when it's a beautiful woman that I'm speaking to.

So there you have it, I was in the same boat as you, a few weeks ago that is. I then started to push myself, like you, I've been craving change, that desire to change my life style and the way I look at myself and the world. For a while, I kept watching videos from these guys on youtube called Simple pickup, after a while of studying what they do I wanted to implement that into how I interact with women, unfortunately I never did, I held myself back because I didn't think I was good enough. Recently, I had an amazing friend who gave me that little push I needed to overcome myself. Really, to get over myself and the self-deprecation I exposed myself to.

One of the things I learned was to not give a single damn fuck. Yes, the saying is used many times over and over on Reddit, but it's true, you shouldn't give a fuck about what anyone else thinks about you. If they're going to hate on you, let them hate, because that only means they're jealous of what you got or what you're doing. So really, try not to give a fuck about anyone's opinions and just concentrate on yourself and how you feel about yourself.

I use to believe I had no self-worth. I thought I never deserved anything good in my life. This is false (unless you're a terrible human being, which I give you the benefit of the doubt). The only person that can give you worth is yourself. When you realize what you're worth then you begin to realize what you deserve in life, which is happiness. We all deserve to be happy, so don't sit around thinking that all the rejections you've received mean that you can't be happy. Don't let a girl's rejection give you validation (this will bring me to another point later on).

Now, you won’t get that IDGAF mentally right away, it’ll take time to finally block out the negativeness coming from others. Once you get that attitude down, confidence will follow. When you stop caring what other people think about you, you just start naturally turning into a boss. Seriously, after only just going out a couple nights with this sort of mentality, I have the feeling of what a boss feels like. I don’t care what other girls think about me, which allows me just go straight up to them and be myself, if they don’t like me for who I am, then fuck em’ and I say NEXT. If a girl doesn’t want anything to do with you after you show her who you are, then there’s no need to waste time on them, you won’t connect with that girl, so just move on. That’s the other key thing that I learned, moving on. This was so contradictory to my clingy nature, but it was a mandatory step to take if I wanted to change myself from who I was to who I want to become. If you try and force something, being too persistent (there’s a difference with being persistent and too persistent – if she’s smiling and having fun but is walking away, be persistent and try to keep her close to you, BUT if she isn’t having a fun time, let her go, it won’t work out no matter how hard you try), then in the end it won’t work out, it won’t be something that’ll make you happy. So really, let the connection between yourself and the other person to happen naturally. Of course you can facilitate it, but don’t force it.

Once you gain confidence, along with IDGAF mentality, the idea of rejections bouncing off you like nobody’s business will follow. If you’re confident and don’t give a fuck, any rejections you get from women will simply have no effect on you and you can easily just move on to the next girl who might be interested in you and want to get to know you or just jump your bone. And this is where weeding out women who don’t want anything to do with and just trying to get drinks from the ones who are genuinely into you and could possibly have a strong connection with you. One way I figured out how to do this is be yourself. For me, I love pokemon and science, I filter these women out by just introducing myself and saying hey, have you heard of pokemon, or tell them some random science fact, and they don’t laugh or are completely bored/uninterested, then I don’t waste that time and I move on to another girl. There are so many women out there to choose from, so I urge you to go and just try them all! See who you like and see who connects with you on a deeper level. There’s so much more I can say about this, but seeing as I’ve already written a page and half worth, I think this should suffice enough to point you in the right direction that I THINK you might want to go if you want to change yourself for the better.

tl;dr – don’t give a single fuck about anyone else’s opinion of you; have confidence (how I like to think about it is from Kamina in TTGL – Don’t believe in me who believes in you, believe in you who believes in you); don’t let rejections get to you, and finally, in all seriousness, my number one rule, HAVE FUN. HAVE FUN when you go out, if someone impedes on your fun, they’re not worth your time.

Hope this helps! :D

edit:

Looks don't matter. It's false that looks matter. If you just want to get in better shape, then go for it, join a gym, look and feel healthier, but in all honesty, looks don't matter. Women take notice if your attitude, your behavior, your personality. Be a boss, and they'll notice.

CouldntFindGudName · 2013-07-12T03:57:17+00:00

OP are you me?

ThrowawayPUA · 2013-07-12T02:35:12+00:00

Please refrain from advertising your subreddits in this thread.

squattincassanova3 · 2013-07-11T17:44:35+00:00

Damn son. 6'2 and 155lbs?! Better buy them dat dere cell tech.

ojapan · 2013-07-11T19:44:25+00:00

Unleash the Beast!!

Title	I'm tired!
Author	sexlearner1
Upvotes	128
Comments	49
Date	July 11, 2013 3:25 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1i320p/im_tired/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-tired.1355275 https://theredarchive.com/post/1355275

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