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[–]fosterbuster 21 points22 points23 points 11 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
I don't really subscribe to that thought.
"Adventure" is vague as fuck. How do you make a woman an adventure to begin with? The thing is to do fun stuff together, and don't get stuck in a rut watching netflix or some shit..
And girls don't care if you reply immediately.. Most girls just want you to be yourself, and those who don't - Fuck 'em. You will never find a deep relationship if you don't just be yourself.
[–]underdestruction 6 points7 points8 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Its actually not.
Are you doing things for her or with her?
If the answer is the former then she is the adventure. If not, you're golden.
[–]Dietyz 20 points21 points22 points 11 years ago* (13 children) | Copy Link
What he means is that you have to invite women into your life before they will ever invite you into theirs.
Lets be honest, most women don't do fuck all and they lack individual ambition. Every cool activity they either did as part of a group or some guy planned something for them to do. You cant expect a girl to enjoy doing something that she does in her regular life, as the man it is your job to entertain her and give her new experiences but most likely she will never do this for a guy until they are actually dating. Girls want to deem you worthy before they let you into their own life(because if they deem you not worthy they dont want you to know anything about them) which is probably just watching netflix and 1 other random activity, so all the pressure is on you from the start
This is obvious but some men don't get it and they will simply try to hang out with a girl without having a game plan and they end up doing nothing and you get judged as being boring because it is your job to lead. They just want to talk to her and think that she would rather do that while some other guy is hitting her up to go on a motorcycle ride or walk around and browse random stores, that guy is aways gonna come off as more interesting
[–]fosterbuster 12 points13 points14 points 11 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
I don't agree with you that most women lack individual ambition, and don't do fuck all - That is not my impression at all. But maybe its a matter of different cultures.
Other than that - I agree that you have to lead, and take charge. But thats mostly because then you are on top of the situation..
[–]Dietyz 11 points12 points13 points 11 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
I shouldn't say all women, but many
Think about it like this, how many ambitious women date guys who aren't ambitious? Zero, they would dump that dude in a second. The opposite however isn't true, in fact its super common
[–]secretmilkdrinker -2 points-1 points0 points 11 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
So how do you explain the millions of men living off their government's welfare system that have still have relationships? (And often a shitload of kids).
[–][deleted] 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]secretmilkdrinker 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Did I say there wasn't? No. I also wasn't exclusively talking about the US. I'm not American. What I'm saying is that arguably those men have little or no ambition. Yet they still have relationships.
[–]Dietyz 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Ambitious doesn't equate to success, and who in the hell said all men are ambitious? I know I never said that
Do those guys living off welfare have girlfriends who are going backpacking through europe while learning to speak mandarin? Or they are just a piece of shit dude with a piece of shit girlfriend
I just mean when looking for a companion of high social value, men need ambition and women don't. The amount of women whose only appealing trait is their looks who go on to live exciting lives solely because some guy dragged them along is infinity higher than the opposite.
The example that I think fits pretty well is from the show 30 rock. Liz Lemon dates this guy who owns a hotdog truck, goes on to be unemployed and is a moron but hes sexy. This relationship type doesn't really exist in real life, at least not for very long anyway.
[–]secretmilkdrinker 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You said, to paraphrase, that zero girls want to be with a guy who isn't ambitious. My point was, well yes, some do, otherwise those welfare guys who have done f all for 10+ years and openly talk about how they take the government for all they got would never get girlfriends regardless of those women's own 'value' according to your theory.
[–]Dietyz 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
There's tons of factors when it comes to interpersonal relationships so anything said absolute doesn't really mean 100%, just very high :p
I still stand by my statement though because of the word "want". I want a girlfriend with a million dollars, doesnt mean I wont settle for less though. If those girls don't have access to an ambitious guy i'm sure they would settle for w/e guy keeps them from getting lonely. This may sound fucked up but when i'm thinking about relationships I am not really thinking about trashy or ugly people because I just don't really see them as relevant to me
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Because the welfare guys are an adventure. There's a line in a Meek Mill song that goes "Women want a man that's going to spend money, not talk about it." That's the same principle. To talk about money is boring, but to spend it is exciting.
You see, money itself wasn't what they want, it's an experience.
[–]secretmilkdrinker 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Jesus Christ this sub is so full of shit. Either someone likes you, or they don't. I am a girl, I know lots of other girls. I don't give a fuck if someone gives me the best experience ever, if their personality isn't interesting to me - as in, conversation doesn't flow naturally, they don't make me laugh etc. I ain't down for a relationship, even if they've taken me to the edge of earth's fucking atmosphere.
[–]Dietyz 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Why wouldn't they be interesting to you? If a confident ambitious guy accompanied you on a fun new experience would you not enjoy it? I'm not saying its a guarantee but I would say most of the time that would be seen in a positive light. If you guys dont vibe the experience wouldnt be very good would it? So I don't see how that's relevant
Earlier today I saw a girl link on fb one of those imagemacros that says "Boys: Wanna hangout and chill?" vs Men: When do you have time, I wanna take you out."
As a guy I know that damn well dating isn't very give and take. Women never make plans for me, they never wanna take me anywhere they think I would like to go. If we go out and have a great time their reaction will be "I cant wait until he takes me out again"
As a guy I wish I could just never think, I would prefer if a women liked me she would plan something for us to do. I would imagine many women would reply something like this "I don't wanna be your mom" so as a guy you are forced into being ambitious there isn't much of a choice. If you aren't ambitious you will end up just texting each other and never doing anything. If I could get away with doing nothing and just letting the woman make all the plans I would, in fact I think there's a lot of husbands that start behaving that way because they don't have much of a reason to put that much thought in anymore
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
His personality, conversation, humor, etc. IS his experience.
I wasn't talking about having the guy take you to Wally World.
[–]Diece -2 points-1 points0 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
be yourself is the ditties advice possible
[–]Avatar_Yung-Thug 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I'm not sure what this is getting at
[–]Avatar_Yung-Thug 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh okay. I get it now. Thanks
[–]petriomelony 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm still not sure about this - I think that it has more to do with the man taking the lead, and women enjoying that. For example, if you meet a girl abroad and decide to try to move closer to her and get a job and stuff to explore the possibility of a long term relationship, that IS an adventure, and she is a major part of that. It's fine if she's one of the focuses of the adventure.
The thing is that the man will probably need to take the lead/initiative, bring up the discussions and actually plan the move, etc.
I agree that the best thing to do is to focus on yourself and then people will gravitate towards you, but again I think that has less to do with "adventure" and more to do with taking the reins on your own life.
[–]SiXXEros 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Focus on being a superior man in life. The rest... Only details for your primary mission.
[–]Polyscikosis 5 points6 points7 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I'm reading Wild at Heart by John Eldredge, so far it's pretty good. Can't recommend it yet as I haven't finished it, but I just came across a great passage that I knew would help a lot of guys here, and had to share!
John Eldridge would be horrified to know you are using his book to help guys get laid. Seriously man, WTF.
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Would he? OP might be using the book and its insights to find love in life, a meaningful relationship with a girl to share his future with. Girladvice doesnt have to mean advice on how to get into her pants
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Polyscikosis -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
finding love usually does not operate in the realm of "seduction".....
in order to find love you have to be able to seduce the woman you're interested in. Seduction doesnt necessarily equal manipulating someone. To seduce someone can be to just be more aware of signals she is sending, and about how to not fuck up a situation with a girl you're head over heels in love with
[–]smoochie100 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
This sounds a little bit passive to me. I don't want to present myself as an adventurous option that she can take or reject. I want to be the one who chooses who he wants to be with. This sounds a little bit like the "if I am lucky, a girl will like me" story. I am not an option, which can be taken, I go for the women I want.
[–]truchisoft 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Turn it around a little, "if you are interesting, a girl will like you"
Interesting being someone really interesting for the rest of the world, not mom or yourself.
One example, you can be really good at playing the triangle, but really, is that interesting at all for anyone besides you? Now play the guitar, learn to play songs people know, play it good enough and people will ask you to play when you are with them, that will make girls like you more.
Notice how you also need to have a group of friends to impress and hang out with, that is called social proof, it means you are a social human that can interact with others good enough that they will accept you in their group.
[–]Nuggetry 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Ever since I saw The Counselor I've been waiting for someone to mention that Javier Bardem line. The movie itself may not be that good, but goddamn if there aren't some smart lines in that movie.
Also Gone Girl fits pretty well into what you were saying about women wanting an adventure to share. Even if it means forcibly "improving" your husband through a sick game.
[–]ProtonDeathRay 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And also True Lies where the wife goes for a con man pretending to be a spy while her own husband IS a spy.
[–]ban0nar0ma 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
My problem is that I always think about a whole life with a girl, whenever she seems to be a potential match. This always ruins it, because I put her on a WAY to high pedestal. What should I do?
[–]Helping_men_succeed1 points 11 years ago* [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
Quick question, are you familiar with abundance and scarcity mentality?
[–]ban0nar0ma 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Nope
Edit: Okay, I just read an article about it and I get, what you mean. So how exactly do i change towards an abundance mentality? :)
[–]619shepard 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Realize that your fantasy is just that, a fantasy. You've surely had day dreams where you are much much cooler than you are, but have to still come back and deal with your day to day life. Do you get upset or weirded out whenever your day to day life is not that fantasy?
[–]thatguyhere92 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
If you focus on yourself, do amazing and adventurous things, and race down the road of life taking it all in, women will flock to you.
Sounds good, but its not true with respect to reality.
[–]zomgimonreddit 2 points3 points4 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Have you tried it?
I quit my job a few years ago to travel full time, paragliding all over the world. Women hit on me all the time. Especially when I go home. I don't even run game anymore, it's easier to just talk about whatever trip I just came back from.
And I'm not great at rules 1 and 2.
[–]thatguyhere92 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The reason why I said it's not true is because the advice seemed like you have to be this perfect amazing person to get women. You don't. You don't have to travel, none of that. More women probably talked to you because you exposed yourself to more women. Common sense. Not because you travelled. Ugly peoole travel to but their still ugly.
[–]zomgimonreddit 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I see, I misunderstood you.
[–]Dietyz 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I have a friend who lives his life like that and he is very desirable
Hes been in a band, makes his own electronic music, international male modelling, travels a lot for edm festivals, fitness oriented, buncha other random shit
His life is so busy that he isn't even expected to commit, because people know he doesn't have time for that. A good way to put it is "Live a life that everyone else wishes they had"
Apparently fucking a male model is also on a buncha girls bucket list, thats gotta be pretty sweet
[–]thatguyhere92 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
[–]Dietyz 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
true, but also based on millions of years of evolution
[–]thatguyhere92 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I see people on the street every day who look way better than the models in magazines. Models aren't the epitome of looks. Their just people who look decent and just such to happen to also be interested in modeling to pursue as a career.
[–]Dietyz 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I mean we like certain things because we are designed to, yeah culture adds on top of that but if you combine the two of those most people are gonna be attracted to the same shit. So that beauty in the eye of the beholder thing is only relevant to specifics, most people will have similar tastes. Some people are almost objectively sexy, which isn't even possible but that just shows how mechanical we are as a species
[–]thatguyhere92 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Nah, you don't make that much sense with respect to reality. Your trying to say all of these theoretical absolutes that only make sense in your head. Megan fox is attractive to some, but not all. The most you can do is appeal to most, you can never appeal to all.
You don't believe that certain modern traits are representative of traits that would be useful in a survival sense? Don't you think that certain traits like confidence are appealing in a primal sort of way? Do you not think pheromones can play a key role based a a womans time of month? Do you not believe in hypergamy? Do you not think that hormone levels can dictate different styles of thought?
We aren't all unique snowflakes, a lot of behavior can be explained other than "i just like it" i'm a firm believer that for the most part we are just slaves to our instincts and hormones.
I don't mean to say that you can appeal to everyone because some peoples reptilian brain desires will translate differently to modern day life than others, but there is always a psychological reason someone likes what they like.
[–]DeathRebirth -4 points-3 points-2 points 11 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Actually women just believe they want adventure. What they really want is to cut the wings of an adventurous guy and sit lazily in comfort.
[–]Helping_men_succeed1 points 11 years ago* [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link
Your beliefs become your actions, which become your life. Negative, limiting beliefs of that nature will not lead to success in any capacity.
[–]DeathRebirth -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Hardly, it just makes you aware when you are being used. I don't assume when I meet a girl that is what will happen, but when I experience it, I don't lie to myself and pretend it will be better just because I want it so.
[–]thefugue -1 points0 points1 point 11 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Sorry, but as a man you can't let that happen or let your unwillingness to let that happen break your desire to pursue women. That's a huge dead end and you might as well let a woman take your testicles if she can shut down your whole view of women.
[–]DeathRebirth 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
Huh, who said I have let either happen? As I said when I meet a girl I don't assume it. However I have experienced it eventually in all my ltrs.
[–]thefugue 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You did. Doesn't matter if one woman gave you the experience that caused you to form that conclusion or if however many women you've been with did. If a million women give you this impression all you're doing is succumbing to it if you take it as truth.
[–]DeathRebirth 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Dude... I pursue girls regularly and nothing about my desire is "broken". It's the Internet so there is no chance you will listen as you have already formulated your ideas, but step back. I did not say 90% of what you are saying. I simply said in my experience woman dream of adventure but in reality want comfort long term. This matches most of the posts in the forum about "she fucks the exciting guy but looks for the safe guy to take care of her kids".
[–]thefugue 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fully willing to listen and I hear you- you make a good argument. I just think that if that's true all it does is move line where the struggle is. It doesn't excuse anyone's responsibility to overcome that or find a way to have a better relationship than that. I might be that we're just having a conversation that is on a better level than much of what is discussed on the internet. I think that's probably the case and we're writing like we're arguing instead of writing like we're teaching.
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