Does a intellectual, zen-like and collected personality work?

Backfist · 2016-05-31T15:06:14+00:00

You will want to model yourself after this guy.

ruhri · 2016-05-31T17:26:16+00:00

Your whole post tells me you don't believe you are an attractive person worth dating. You sound neither confident, nor comfortable with yourself. You are comparing yourself to other people and falsely assuming that you have to be like them in order to be an attractive male, which is a common pitfall. Social and dating success starts with focusing on the thoughts in your head. You must think well about yourself and see yourself as a viable dating option before any woman will. Make that your starting point.

You can either view these things as negative OR you can decide to start looking for reasons why these characteristics are just a few of the things that make you awesome and set you apart from your friends. Your female friends wouldn't say those things to you if those weren't some of the things about you and your character that they admire, which means your female friends are subtly hinting at things that could give you value. If you figure out how to own and present yourself in a confident and genuine way, you could find yourself at some point attracting and dating beautiful women of a personality type who your other friends would like to attract but don't. Do not be so quick to assume that because you aren't outgoing in the same way as your friend that you need to change everything about yourself. There are plenty of beautiful women out there who are attracted to confidently quiet and introspective but, also funny, guys. You simply have to recognize what it is that you have to offer, and usually the things that make you attractive are the same things that you take for granted. Consider all this before you start trying to change yourself into someone else.

zen-like calm and collected "smartest person I know" self control master extremely rational capable of saying everything with a straight face, boosting humor effect particular in the way I deliver jokes, making them funnier

dtjkk · 2016-05-31T23:12:17+00:00

Everyone is being really nice here. I'll just answer your main question with: no, but yes if you work on a few things.

First thing I want to say, from someone who used to be you, is have some fun. Seriously. Do anything to get out of your head!!!! Literally anything. I used alcohol as a crutch because it made me more talkative, but I realized at one point I needed more things to talk about besides intellectual stuff. You might lead a few fun and interesting conversations by sharing your knowledge and perspective, but it won't get you laid at a party. What will? Having an interesting life. Having goals. Having stories. Connecting to people. So find whatever it is to get you out of your damn head and into doing things more things that are worth being proud of or sharing. That includes failures! Fucking up, even constantly, is interesting if you get a good story out of it and have an upbeat attitude. And the truth is, everything is interesting if you put yourself out there and learn to be observant of your surroundings..

Secondly, fuck the alpha male bullshit. That's from being stuck in your head. Get out!!! And don't worry about that guy. You're not him, you're you. And you can have just as much to offer to women as he does if you work on yourself. So I'm gonna touch on your dry humor. However great it is, you have much to learn. There are funny guys that don't get laid, and there are guys that get laid who are funny. You want to be the second guy. My number one rule for being that guy is, if you're not having fun then you're doing it wrong. Your fun is the most important. Not trying to please people. NOT TRYING TO PLEASE PEOPLE. Not trying to please people. Wanting to please people is needy and unattractive. Learn to love yourself, cuz you're stuck with him. When you really like you you don't need the approval of others. Anyways, a principle around these parts is being self-amused. Telling jokes is a great skill to have, but it's more attractive to other people when you can create fun. Dancing, and dancing well is very attractive. But even if you suck you can have fun and people are attracted to that. Beer pong, flip cup, whatever---there is really no end to what you can do for fun with people at a party. But even moreso outside of a party, in places where fun is lacking, the possibilities are endless. Be playful, don't be afraid of touch. Be silly, and learn to lose your self-awareness in public. If you do all of those things, you don't even have to be funny. The humor will arise out of the situations you create, and that's what people will remember. Not a single joke. When you get good at creating natural humor, then I would focus on telling jokes. If you ever need help in that department, just watch a lot of standup. Seriously. A lot of standup. Whatever makes you laugh, just watch that and absorb it. Practice it even. You'll get the hang of it eventually.

You can try to do all of this stuff simultaneously. It can be done! I like to think I'm still working on all of it myself, and always improving. Whatever you do, just don't let any lack of self-percieved progress hold you back from soldiering on, and you'll be surprised how far you get. Trust me. The last thing I'll recommend is the hardest. That is, that you should be genuine. This single thing has given me the most success by far in not just getting laid but in making real connections with people. That means sharing with people your observations about them, your attractions, your compliments, your concerns and feelings. And also sharing with people why you feel that way. It takes confidence to be vulnerable and that is one of the most attractive things you can be. It means sharing with women your honest intentions. Do you want to get to know her? Take her out? Fuck her? Be bold. If you create sexual energy between the two of you, the opportunity is yours to take. But that's advanced if you're a virgin. For now, be up front and tell a woman that she looks amazing. Make it known that you find her attractive, first and foremost. Tell her you like her sense of humor. Say something specific that you admire about her, really anything. Don't ask to hang out. Tell her you want to take her to an awesome place. On an adventure. To see a show or just get a drink at a cool new bar. It's up to you. You can do it!!!

Vharkha · 2016-05-31T15:59:39+00:00

Don't change who you are, my man, just gotta change a few habits. First off, don't make yourself try to be the smartest person in the room, let people realise it. Be secure with yourself and who you are, you get confidence, and people notice you. They'll notice you're intelligent. If you force it down their throats, they'll think you're pompous and a bit of a dick.

Second, be more physical, definitely. Learn to appreciate the little things in people, notice everything about someone, and if you're intelligent, you'll be able to comment on pretty much anything they wanna bring up. Plus, nothing better than you saying you like their earrings to get a bit of a fondle of them earlobes, know what I mean? ;)

Just don't be boring. Smart about math is boring to most people. Smart about animals can be kinda interesting though. Learn what the other person is smart about as well, learn from them.

But fuck man, all these are the basics. Go out and talk to people, it makes this whole thing fucking simple. If you're smart, you'll pick up on what girls like about you quick.

pinzon · 2016-05-31T19:30:41+00:00

I identify with you man. I'm a little more lackadaisical and childish, but I like steering conversations in the deeper, more meaningful direction you probably do too. However, whether or not your personality works is the wrong question to be asking; it will work, there should be no doubt about it. The question should be what can you do to make it work. Part of that is accepting it wont be everyone's cup of tea right off the bat, or at all. That's good because you'll filter out a lot of girls you wont want to be around. The trick is to simply put your full, unadulterated, unfiltered personality right on the line and come from a "take it or leave it" mindset. You are a scarce and desirable resource, and there is an abundance of people you can hand that to. Don't hesitate to PM me if you want to talk about this further.

Player_Mastermind · 2016-05-31T23:14:09+00:00

Don't change who you are as a person for women... Not worth it and won't work... BUT STOP BEING 'FRIENDS' WITH GIRLS IMMEDIATELY. Total waste of time. At this age and no pussy you cannot have been proactive enough. Fix your image and hit a newbie mission of going out 3 nights a week starting from this month. Use internet dating as a backup. Be yourself but actually go for what you want. Don't worry about women's (or anyone's) opinions about you and just go for it.

StevieBoyB · 2016-05-31T23:56:05+00:00

Yes, but if you can develop the emotional side of your personality where you can relate/empathise with people a lot more, this will work way better. Not saying you need to be overly sensitive, but having this part of your personality mixed with a strong character and direction in life will get girls' thinking about you all the time.

Girls' dig emotional intelligence way more than just intellectual intelligence.

SSJZoroDWolverine · 2016-06-01T00:10:02+00:00

Every person has their own unique flavor of what it looks like to be an attractive man.

For me, it looks like being the funny guy who can work a room and get everyone to like him. I make dirty jokes and sexual innuendos. I tease girls a lot. I'm great at conversation and I am comfortable and even enjoy being the center of attention. I'm very direct and obvious when I flirt.

For one of my wings, he's totally the opposite. He's not witty, but he's a very smooth talker. He has a low voice where sometimes you have to lean in to hear him. He creates sexual tension immediately. He's very good at push/pull where (in his words) he steps back to create a vacuum that has women step in and make moves on him.

Neither way is wrong. We follow the same guidelines of approaching, bantering, physical escalation, push/pull, leading, isolating, etc. We just express them differently in a way that is natural to us. So I don't think you necessarily have to create a huge change in your personality. You just have to tweak it to create more attraction.

Here are some tips I have, just based on what you wrote:

-Indicate your intentions throughout the interaction via touch and conversation. You're interested in her right? Let her know. Just be subtle.

-Continue to break the touch barrier. This is how you subcommunicate your interest. By touching her and escalating how you touch based on her reaction.

-Be less rational in your conversation. Too much rationality in a conversation makes it flat. Women are emotional creatures and you attract them by spiking their emotions. Conversations should have peaks of high emotion (bantering and teasing) and valleys of low emotion (intimate and sexual conversation) and you should be switching between the two often. Even if the girl is the one who starts the rational/logical conversation, be the one to break the thread and create more fun and playful banter.

-Create pauses in conversation where you use can touch and eye contact to create sexual tension.

cs_throwawayyy · 2016-06-01T00:13:31+00:00

people do find the zen guy attractive, but how zen are you? if you see a hot girl, do you just stay calm and collected and never say a word, then the zen is being wasted.

You still have to approach and do some initiation if you want girls, once you have a girl engaged then you can go back to the zen guy. Almost in all situation, a girl will never initiate at a stranger, cool calm guy no matter how attractive she finds him.

Friendly_B · 2016-06-01T07:07:26+00:00

Your friend is 24 and has had sex with more than 10 girls? That's not really saying much.

Anyway, what is "this persona?" Don't try and be a persona, I don't know what you mean. You need to be authentic.

If there is something about your personality you want to improve on (and you've listed those things) then GREAT! We're all about self improvement.

dottywine · 2016-06-01T19:32:26+00:00

Yes, guys like that are extremely attractive to me. Jason Bateman usually plays that role and I fall in love with him. My boyfriend is exactly the personality type you describe and I was attracted to him from the get go. Do NOT ditch your persona. A girl can tell when you are trying to hard or being fake. Be yourself and upgrade yourself by getting fit or whatever. Do not change who you are, just become MORE CONFIDENT about who you are.

dottywine · 2016-06-01T19:34:01+00:00

I wrote something and it got deleted? I basically was saying that you sound like Jason Bateman in movies like Horrible Bosses. That personality attracts me SO INCREDIBLY. It just turns me on. Do NOT change your personality. A girl can tell when you're being fake and you might miss out on hot girls who are turned on by your personality. Just be more confident in yourself.

dottywine · 2016-06-01T19:33:11+00:00

testing

PutMyDickOnYourHead · 2016-05-31T16:13:32+00:00

No one cares how smart you are. Try having some interesting hobbies.

Maybe those characteristics are good to have fun in a group of friends, but in the context of dating and hitting on girls they are boring and alienating?

No, it's boring and alienating for your friends too.

What I'm worried about is that those characteristics may be something you would see in just a "cool friend". You know, "that smart/strange in a positive way/knowledgable guy in my group of friends" and not someone who naturally attracts.

"that smart/strange in a positive way/knowledgable guy in my group of friends" made me laugh out loud. You probably come off as "strange in a creepy way". "Strange" is never a good thing.

Title	Does a intellectual, zen-like and collected personality work?
Author	MeedoGunt
Upvotes	20
Comments	28
Date	May 31, 2016 2:58 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4lvm0x/does_a_intellectual_zenlike_and_collected/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/does-a-intellectual-zen-like-and-collected.1407524 https://theredarchive.com/post/1407524

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