How do you get your first "win?"

iamthesage · 2016-07-16T19:18:52+00:00

Stay in there and hang in there. I know this sounds like a cliche advice. But it is true. I remember my first lay from Gaming. It took me 3 months of going out twice a week to get my first solid number close. Then it took me another 3 months to get my first kiss. Then it took me another 8 months to get my first lay. It took me 14 months to get my first lay. And I am glad I hung in there. My perception on dating, relationship, life has all changed. I am no longer needy , if a girl rejects me i dont give a shit. I know I will get another one.

The mindset you create will be the best thing you get out of this. Not the girls or the numbers . Keep going..

Woujo · 2016-07-16T21:46:29+00:00

The first "win" is realizing that getting validation from women isn't a "win"

aldenso · 2016-07-16T19:22:26+00:00

Just talking to girls is a win! You probably weren't talking to girls on the regular before, but look at you now!

Keep going and you will eventually get to a kiss or a number, and then eventually a hook up.

Every step is a win. It's improving you as a person to just put yourself out there and you should be proud of that. If you only take sex as a win you're setting the bar too high. If you take the smallest victory and be proud of it you will come off as a happier, more confident person, and that's what shines through and gets you closer to a hook up.

You should be proud of yourself for just meeting girls for now.

M_Knight1 · 2016-07-16T18:55:33+00:00

If you are just starting out, I would recommend redefining a "win" as simple being proud of yourself for taking action (approaching a woman, leaving your comfort zone, etc.) Then you will instantly start building wins. You have to learn to enjoy the process and not just feel like you are trudging through it as a means to an end.

Also I think in addition to the scarcity that is causing you to be too dependent on a single interaction's outcome, which causes you to put to much pressure on the girl as well yourself, you are also likely not communicating in a "man to woman" frame.

"There is a difference between making someone like you and generating attraction. The majority of men focus more on ensuring that a woman approves of them, rather than risking becoming vulnerable by honestly expressing themselves. Unapologetic honest expression of one’s true self is at the core of what generates attraction. Thus by playing not to lose and to protect your ego, you are inevitably destined to lose. You need to be unapologetic about who you are as a person. It is OK and normal that not everyone will like you. When first approaching a woman, your intentions should be clear from the start. These intentions should simply be: “I want to get to know you.”

Many men are ashamed and apologetic about the natural and normal attraction they have for women, and thus are not secure with their masculinity. Being sheepish or apologetic about your actions communicates to a woman that you feel that you are not good enough for her and that you are seeking her approval. However, being apologetic should not be confused with being empathetic. You should always be aware of other people’s emotions and how you are making them feel. By being unapologetic, I mean that you should have personal integrity, be self-secure and not afraid of upsetting someone as a result of being honest about your beliefs and desires. This does not mean that you should lack empathy and be oblivious and callous to how others feel. Nor does it mean that you should not apologize upon making an honest mistake."

The above passage is an excerpt from the book: Fundamentals of Female Dynamics

Sharptux44 · 2016-07-16T20:01:10+00:00

Did you engage this fella when he approached these two girls? Like I mean charm the pants off him? Because if you didn't, that's your first mistake. Guys are less likely to want to steal you girl if they have a sense of respect for you. And since your new let me tell you that pain and confusion are gonna be a common theme. Just push on through! Learn from your bumps and keep moving!

ThrowawayPUA · 2016-07-16T19:24:28+00:00

Understand something important: you will lose every time until you win one.

lofiharvest · 2016-07-16T21:36:18+00:00

Are you behaving like a friend or someone with a potential lover/sexual interest? If you just are having bland vanilla conversation without any sexual tension peppered in , of course these girls are gonna eventually bail. Be playful, banter, tease them, ask them legit questions but be ready to banter again. Show that you are comfortable with your sexuality and escalate when appropriate. I know right now you feel bitter and angry, but you also have to realize that ultimately these women chose to be with the other guy and not you. Its their choice as no woman obligated to reciprocate your advances. No matter how tight your game is there will always be girls that will reject you. It sounds like you should read a book called 'No More Mr. Nice Guy'.

NTSpike · 2016-07-17T20:30:30+00:00

First of all, stop seeing things as a WIN or a LOSE. When you don't get a "loss" the girls aren't winning. You're getting bitter because you're objectifying woman and objectifying yourself as well. In your frame a win is simply meeting somebody you're compatible with, a loss is meeting somebody who you aren't compatible with. Nothing you do is going to turn that into a win, because it's not a loss. It'll help you deal with these emotions if you drop the frame you've been using.

Like others have said be patient. It's hard, I approached at least 300 times before I got my first lay. A lot of dates and numbers but most of it was me being in my own way, which is probably the case with you. Some people day this process is exponential, but I see it as being binary. You're either doing it right or you're doing it wrong. As you gain more experience you realize the few things you need to do correctly to make things work, and things will fall in place with girls you're compatible with and you'll stop sabotaging yourself.

trp1893 · 2016-07-17T04:44:46+00:00

personally I started experiencing success when I began to focus on having fun, no matter where you go. the bottom line is, is that people (not just women) want to be around others that put them in a good mood. you'll learn in time, the most important thing is experience and patience. try reading models by Mark Manson also.

itsjustchad · 2016-07-17T07:15:46+00:00

It's obvious to me looking at your latest post, that you need to learn what NOT to say just as much as what TO say. The title alone is cringe worthy.

As far as dating, the average looking girl that contacts you is going to get you laid more than the hot one you contacted. (yeah guys I know there are exceptions to this rule, but I just want the guy to get laid, he can conquest later.)

Watch the body langue as your talking to them, right now it's not about getting laid its figuring out when you say to much, or the "wrong" thing, I'm betting you do this a lot. Most times you will get a sign immediately when you commit a faux pas. Be watch for it.

just like in forplay, start light but steady. Good luck out there brother.

Conotocaurious85 · 2016-07-17T01:34:39+00:00

What Woujo means with: "The first "win" is realizing that getting validation from women isn't a "win"" is that you have to be at the cause, not at the effect. Whatever the girl says or does it should have no effect on you.

I understand that scarcity might be driving you right now, and that's honestly what got me started in the first place. However, if you don't overcome scarcity as a motivator you will settle for a lot less than you deserve given your heightened level of self-awareness.

Know this, a male 10 isn't a hollywood grade good-looking, 6 foot guy who owns a multinational corporation and is batman on the side. A male 10 is someone that is a little bit better today than he was yesterday, someone who is constantly working on himself. Whatever ideas you might have about yourself internalize this fact, otherwise much like other people, you will get 'stuck' once you achieve a modicum of success.

As to why the girls might have had absolutely zero interest, I will venture to say the following. Stop looking at the surface layer of things, strive to:

Add to the fun
Challenge her
Command her

Even if the fun level is 0, add to it. For example, what I do in elevators when a hot girl is by the buttons is to be both commanding, and add to the fun by saying: "Push 'x' for me", where 'x' is a floor that doens't exist in the building. There is always a giggle, and then I jump into convo very smoothly.

You might be tempted to think that the "techinique" is what allows for a smooth transition to more conversation, but that is wrong! It is the subtext! Subtext is the language of females!

recyclablebanthas · 2016-07-17T09:00:57+00:00

Last night I was getting to know a pair of girls and another guy comes up and somehow takes a girl away. I was shocked that he was able to do that and she stayed with him for a long time. I talk to her friend off and on. Eventually he comes back and then leaves taking both girls with him! A few minutes later I go outside and the three of them are taking selfies together. What the fuck?!

It's not that you were terrible. It's that this other guy was just quick acting and made an even better impression.

And also, you responded by withdrawing. Like what really stopped you from talking to this dude also? You could have stayed in but chose to leave them, basically.

You're also choosing to ignore all the good you've just outlined.

ChadThunderBalls420 · 2016-07-17T17:00:30+00:00

With just these vague details, it seems like it's a failure to escalate. A common issue that will be solved with repeated approaches. It sounds like you have the opening part down, but perhaps you just hang around too long. Have a goal - talk for a few minutes, get a number or isolate and keep escalating. Also, no need to be all over someone for an entire concert - people go to watch the show, not socialize so much. If you meet her early at a show, chances are neither of you are going to be leaving for several hours, so options may be limited.

PCS101 · 2016-07-16T20:33:43+00:00

5'5

Sorry man.

Title	How do you get your first "win?"
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	43
Comments	65
Date	July 16, 2016 6:17 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4t5qv7/how_do_you_get_your_first_win/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-get-your-first-win.1409681 https://theredarchive.com/post/1409681

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