Conversations not going anywhere

Tenmagnet · 2016-07-25T21:42:18+00:00

I did a survey a while back and 21% of the guys who answered said that keeping conversations going was their biggest problem.

Here's a tip - boring people tend to think that it's the CONTENT of a conversation that makes it interesting. While interesting people realize that it's the delivery and the emotion that makes a conversation interesting. That's why boring people drone on about their vacation to Hawaii (it's an interesting subject) while this guy can talk about seeds for a half hour and keep you hooked. Check out my article on qualification for another conversation strategy that really helps.

PatStedman · 2016-07-25T22:39:49+00:00

Two things:

A good conversation is determined by things operating on three levels:

The Content
The Style
The Frame

Most people (and it sounds like you too) are focusing too much on the first one... when in reality it's the other two (especially Frame) that matter the most.

Reality Check:

Unless you've been living under a rock you've got the content - or at least you've got enough content to work with in the beginning. This doesn't mean you don't put yourself out there to do cool, interesting things to give yourself more to talk about (and make yourself more interesting)... but it DOES mean that this is not your main issue or priority. I've worked with many guys who are fascinating but just don't know how to convey it. I also know plenty of guys who are boring but work with it well.

The main thing to understand is that "small talk" should never be your goal with women. Small talk is painful for everybody but the most auto-pilot extroverts. It kills attraction instantly.

Stop making things boring and make them fun. Make assumptions about her. Be playful. Be absurd. Enjoy the interaction, don't try to keep her in it. Get to know her, but focus less on facts and more on emotions. Treat her a bit like your kid sister. And generally, make sure she's talking more than you (though use assumptions for this, not just questions).

This sort of stuff tells a girl that you are not only not intimidated by her but that you can make even the most dull situations interesting. This also shows that you're clever and intrigued by her... but not fawning over her. Doesn't that sound like a guy a girl would want to be with?

That's the "style" in an interaction. The final thing to understand is Frame.

Frame is basically the deep dynamics. Who is more dominant in the dynamic? Is she following you, or are you following her? Are you just enjoying the conversation as is - happy to allow silence - or are you desperate to keep it going?

When you start doing the latter too much, you will find that it doesn't matter whether or not you talked for hours.. she'll lose interest in you, even if the conversation went easily. Every good interaction needs a little bit of awkward (read: sexual) tension. The conversation always needs to die a bit for things to escalate further.

Understand that unless you give a conversation some pauses and space (though sticking with her via eye contact and amusement) it doesn't matter how "good" your conversation is, it won't lead in the girl liking you.

Some more in depth articles on the subject I've written are here:

http://patstedman.com/2016/07/25/what-is-frame/ http://patstedman.com/2015/09/29/assumption-pickup-girls/ http://patstedman.com/2015/10/28/get-physical-with-a-girl/

Hope this helps!

WathupSP · 2016-07-25T17:19:02+00:00

Working on it myself. Everyone has weak areas and strong ones. Currently im reading "how to win friends and influence people". Really great book.

InsanelyStupidHorse · 2016-07-25T20:08:19+00:00

Start paying more attention to what is communicated through vibing and body language and less on the words spoken.

backintheddr · 2016-07-25T18:22:56+00:00

Have a similar problem sometimes friend, talking itself is sometimes in itself the fail part, women don't care what we're saying, we need to meet several criteria and just being interesting or chatty in itself isn't enough. If you were doing it right you'd barely be talking to this girl. I almost never cold approach alone, I find the lack of opportunity to socially proof myself leaves my game then lacking. If you just talk and talk trying to validate yourself to her on the street or in a Club she's bored because you aren't meeting her ideal image. Youre just like every guy who's doing the same thing. Get yourself friends (women especially) and go out with them. When you open a girl and Push her a Lil, pull by going to your friends or others around her and spread your positive energy, make other Girls laugh and touch them infront of her, she needs to see your high quality as a Male proved. Ideally you want to approach a group of women, they feel comfortable in numbers and are more receptive to a guy who approaches casually. The conversation bounces back between more people and the awkward tension (we want sexual tension which from my experience won't Manifest in a boring 1 on 1 conversation) will evaporate almost instantly if they're having a good time. Making eye contact and getting a not negative reaction (by this I mean not recoiling but maybe trying to catch your gaze again after) but not approaching straight away can be remarkably effective if you proceed to socially prove yourself, I can't stress enough how little of a fuck she gives about what you have to say, let yourself be the mysterious dude she craves. Good kino is way way more important than talking when you have then opened, if shes talking a lot let her, tease her on what she says but let her continue , talking is a safety valve that lets her feel comfortable, however drawn out talking at some point is a killer to attraction, just keep eye contact and tasteful kino then kiss her! You'll know if it's right.

Thundersnow69 · 2016-07-25T18:23:15+00:00

A lot of it comes down to nonverbal communication(body language). Learn to read her reactions and talk in more detail about things that spark her interest! You're on the right track with self improvement, sometimes things you are passionate about can lead to more interesting conversations. Look to move past small talk and into that area where your passion lives. If there's some common ground there you'll have room to build some rapport...

TrapDour · 2016-07-25T21:27:39+00:00

All I basically do I act as if she's being interviews by me to determine if she is a viable partner. Which basically boils down to asking her a shit load of questions. They love to talk about themselves so this works out perfectly. Pay attention to her body language while you're doing this and don't hesitate to ask specific questions about things that spark your interest or seem to spark hers. Also don't be afraid to ask seemingly personal questions.

aswjacob · 2016-07-25T21:39:25+00:00

Read my side bar post. https://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4seyc9/never_run_out_of_things_to_say_to_womenkeep_the/

jcromero · 2016-07-25T23:10:40+00:00

Most of the answers you're getting for this question, while good, are pretty involved. Let me break things down:

The point of small talk is to find common points of interest. Music, movies, fashion, books, cars, sports, etc.
Try to actively connect with others more. Try to figure out what sort of childhood they have. What are their passions and insecurities?
You should also be sharing some of yourself. Talk about the things you enjoy talking about.
Finally, start practicing "push pull". Make fun of someone and then compliment them. Breaking rapport builds attraction.. Talking about sexual things is a form of breaking rapport.

gigimt · 2016-07-25T20:05:11+00:00

my biggest obstacle is how to approach women and not get rejected before we even start talking...I am not sure if women ever approach me, you are lucky mister :)

SexySmexxy · 2016-07-26T06:08:11+00:00

So the biggest problem I have with women is that I can't create an interesting conversation. I have no problem approaching women and talking to them, but the small talk seems to go nowhere a lot of times. A lot of times, girls even approach me but I still end up boring/making them walk away. I know it's not an easy fix, but do y'all have tips on how create more spark in this kind of ecounter?

Ok so first of all.

If you're going to make a post asking for help on such a complex thing, probably say more than just a few lines.

Now we have to assume things to help you.

So i'm gonna assume your're trying to game thee girls or whatever...

First thing you need to do, within the first few sentences is get her phone number.

This helps in a lot of ways.

You don't waste time talking to a girl who is obviously not interested in you if she doesn't want you to contact her.
You set it out that you're into her, you want to speak to or see her again and you aren't afraid to let her know.

After that, it's best to try and keep your conversations somewhat short and wrap them up within a few minutes, for a few reasons.

If you keep rambling and you're shit at conversation then you're just gonna make her regret giving you her number and you're gonna get flaked on.
Practice in small steps. Your convo game is bad, nothing we say is gonna transform you overnight, you need to work it up.

Ideally, when you meet these girls again in the future you will be speaking to them in a 1 on 1, and more expected way than just randomly on the street. This will allow you to practice your convo game better.

On top of that, if you tell a girl you have to go and do/finish whatever, instead of letting the convo fizzle out and awkwardly disperse yourself, it makes you seem much more higher status and focused as opposed to some bumbling idiot who doesn't know how to hold a conversation.

good luck xoxo

lofiharvest · 2016-07-26T06:51:27+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Kaizen2_0 · 2016-07-26T17:22:15+00:00

Some good things to talk about is what is currently going on around you. If you are able to form an opinion on your surroundings or observe something thats worth mentions thats usually an easy way to naturally form a good conversation.

If you can't think of anything going on around you have a "go-to" in your back pocket. Try not to go this route though because it will come off as a rehearsed line/opinion question.

Hope that helps!

PyschAgenda · 2016-07-26T02:12:47+00:00

Listen to conversation based podcasts to examine how others do it. The rest of this thread has pretty solid advice too.

Title	Conversations not going anywhere
Author	SgoHeels
Upvotes	32
Comments	23
Date	July 25, 2016 4:28 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4ujgve/conversations_not_going_anywhere/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/conversations-not-going-anywhere.1410039 https://theredarchive.com/post/1410039

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