Maybe pickup isn't about getting better at game. Ok, I know that sounds contentious at first glance, but just hear me out for second. I'm not a big fan of RSD anymore, but Tyler once said something important: "You don't attract what you want, you attract what you are." Which means we want to become high value men to attract high value women. And what that means to many of us in the pickup community is to tighten up our game to pull the hot girls and the models. Vanquish approach anxiety. Turn up dominance. Master text game.

So we do that. We start seeing improvement and getting laid - some of us at least. The instructors and those that truly progress into stages of mastery begin to see that what they've mastered in game not only positively impacts their dating life, but also other aspects of their lives. They've learned to go for what they want, express themselves honestly, and how to take action. So they see success in their careers, flourishing relationships, and happiness in their lives.

But what they mastered isn't really game. What they've mastered is themselves.

They've fought through their fear and emerged stronger and more courageous. They now believe in themselves and have attained close to what some consider true confidence. "Confide" in confidence does mean "to trust," and both countless rejections and successes naturally leads a person to trust in oneself. It's this cultivation of true confidence through hardship, along with principles like honest self expression that really matter.

What really matters isn't the technique. Bruce Lee, martial arts master and consummate philosopher, would always say that fighting mastery isn't about the kicks and punches thrown. Those are relevant, but mastery is when you know that what matters isn't the specific punch you throw. What matters is your strength and agility. Your technique in a fight is so insignificant compared to the principles you've mastered - it's about feeling your opponent's rhythm, dodging quickly, and hitting powerfully and accurately.

Try throwing a perfect punch, with your fingers clenched into a perfect fist and your body moving in perfect harmony. Your technique is absolutely perfect. Your opponent doesn't know any techniques, but he's faster and stronger. He also has a look in his eyes that would make a bear nervous. Your perfect punches and your perfect kicks never touch him and he hits you so hard that you feel your spirit crumble before the bones he made contact with.

So much for perfect technique. Your perfect text message or your perfect set means nothing. It might work for a bit. You'll have sex with some attractive girls. Maybe more people will have an initial interest in you. But with no substance or principles behind the techniques themselves, you will quickly be destroyed by the first signs of resistance from your opponent in this metaphorical fight - high value girls, your own internal demons, and just life in general. Like Neil Strauss noted in The Game, techniques will build an army of soulless robots. No "pick up artists" could maintain their own happiness, much less a happy relationship. It was only his lifestyle of abundance and his confidence in the techniques building his self confidence that eventually led to him attracting his girlfriend.

Strauss clearly didn't make his point clear enough, since so many people are still so deluded by the power of techniques and "game."

It's the techniques that will bring you to understand the principles. Dating coaches and other peak performers in the social sphere started with the techniques, as we all do. But they evolved to master the principles themselves. Like a fighter does. Or like how a chef learns that it's the principles of flavor that matter in building an exquisite dish, not the ingredients themselves. Don't allow the techniques, lines, routines, or thinking get in the way of true expression.

I remember reading a message from a girl once and thinking: why isn't my "game" good enough to think of a witty response. Then it fucking hit me. It wasn't about what I was or wasn't saying when in set or texting. It was about the fact that I cared enough about what this girl thought of me that I couldn't just be my normal, witty self. Thinking even harder would just make it worse. I realized that I shouldn't focus on what to say, which was a minor concern. I should instead focus on how I could become the type of person that already knows what to say. A person who doesn't care what people think and doesn't think about what to say in the first place. A person who just says what he wants to say. A person that doesn't practice seduction or game. A person who IS seductive.

People always ask about how to pass a shit test or a girl's teasing. Ask yourself instead how to become the person that by nature, responds to shit tests with humor, resilience, and confidence. You can't prepare for every curve ball girls throw at you. Just like you can't prepare for every curve ball that life throws at you.

Techniques are still relevant. Right now, I'm focusing on the opposite. Trying to master the principles - to be agile and strong without actually fighting. Instead of approaching non-stop, I'm meditating, reading philosophy, journaling, working out - basically trying to master myself and the principles. But despite attaining some progress, I haven't refined my techniques to channel this newfound strength. I still flounder when faced with opportunities to express my interest in someone.

On the flipside, some people spar constantly, trying to master the technique without training the core principles. They speak to girls and know the right words to say if they're in the right situation. But their external facade dissolves almost immediately when placed under stress, with nothing internal for reinforcement. They can't seem to maintain deep relationships or adapt their strategies appropriately when the context changes. If they understood the principles, they would be able to express themselves properly whether it's in a nightclub or in a subway car. Mastering the principles with no techniques to express them is pointless. Mastering techniques with no principles to free you is confining. You have to be somewhere in the middle to succeed. So keep approaching. Keep practicing your techniques - I'll keep doing it too. Just don't forget what really matters, the big picture.

All that really matters in the end is that you ultimately become a good person. Become a genuinely good person, well-spoken, confident, well read, and well intentioned. Then, other good people will see that and like you and hang out with you. You'll reciprocate because as a good person, you'll recognize other good people. As they say - real recognize real. You are attracting who you are.

Perhaps that's what that whole damn karma thing is all about. You put out value and you get value back. Pretty logical and simple after all - not some weird, convoluted spiritual nonsense about being reincarnated as a tree after you die. Shit - maybe that happens too, but in the meanwhile, if you're a shitty person, you'll repel all positivity. You're going to have some shitty friends and shitty girlfriends. You're all going to complain about your shitty lives and complain about each other's shittiness behind each other's backs and everything that happens will be self prophetic. Meaning everything will be shitty. If you're a piece of shit throwing shit out into the Universe, then the Universe will just throw shit right back at you. Don't be surprised when it happens.

Maybe you become a dating coach or just anyone who's a domain expert - a strong person with dominance, imparting their wisdom, and bettering those around them. You will be throwing awesomeness out into the world and it will not go unnoticed and unrewarded. As you become more awesome, or the faster you run ahead of your demons, you'll find that there will always be people to accompany you who are running at the same pace from their demons too. You'll sometimes end up leaving old friends behind unless they start picking up their speed. But you won't ever be lonely in life's marathon. Unless you're Jesus or Buddha. No one could really keep up with them.

Consistently, any successful person - from a dating coach to a business mogul, has eventually gotten into a long-term relationship or has seen success in business because they offered so much to the world. They became awesome people and are now surrounded by awesome people. If you give, you shall receive.

It's really an easy formula. I mean things are always easier said than done, and the road of self improvement is probably the most winding path there is. We get into it just to get girls to like us. But we discover that getting laid is really a process of being better, and that being better is really something much deeper, greater, and timeless than we had originally bargained for. I just got into this for some pussy. Maybe to fulfill some romantic fantasies too. But now I find myself so damn deep in the rabbit hole of seduction, that I have somehow emerged on the other side with a seemingly elegant understanding of life itself. It's so simple. But also seemingly impossible at the same time.

It's a Sisyphean endeavor. A constant, daily battle with my mind, spirit, and body in an attempt to stretch myself further than the day before. One step away from my demons and one percent better than I was yesterday. But then some days I fall back and I'm right back to where I started. I don't ask for the number. I don't workout. Or I don't sleep on time (that's happening right now). But it's helpful to bring to mind that corny quote - "It's about the journey, not the destination."

Everyone's fighting their demons in an attempt to be virtuous and to be happy. Fear. Laziness. Porn. McDonalds.

We never get there. I mean I'm just letting you know right now, but you'll never be perfect. None of us ever will be. Perfection is a lie anyway. But it's in that process of refinement and improvement that we can get pretty close to what may be some ideal that's similar to perfection. We learn to accept ourselves for the flaws we can't change and to leverage our weaknesses as strengths. We learn to enjoy the pain since it's all a part of the game. It all comes full circle and we learn to just "be ourselves." All of those overused expressions were true.

So just don't give up. I wrote this as much as an inspiration for anyone reading this as I wrote it for myself. Everyday is another chance to play this game of life - more importantly, everyday is another chance to play it well. It doesn't matter if you do pickup or something else extremely difficult. What matters is that you do something and you don't waste time. And don't forget to remove yourself from the constraints of technique as soon as possible - like a lobster that has outgrown it's shell.

Now - go do something. Anything. Try something different. Go for a run. Say hi to a stranger. Write a post about pickup. Keep moving forward. Take a step towards mastery. Take a step towards greatness.

EDIT:

-added some markup for readability purposes

-reworded some phrases