How do I move on from this if others will never forgive me and keep reminding me

EcstaticYoung8856 · 2024-03-18T00:16:48+00:00

Speak straight from the heart. Clearly, directly, not passive aggresivly. Say you were in a confused and vulnerable part of your life and you feel remorseful for things in the past and you are on a journey to be a better man and human

Rise to the challenge dude. Dont take the RP path and just assume everyone lacks empathy and you are a victim

It is difficult but if you are real like this people, including women who are different but just as human as you are, will be understanding.

tenebrasocculta · 2024-03-18T05:14:17+00:00

Unfortunately, it's possible to have changed and genuinely become a better person, and also for your past actions and attitudes to have damaged some of your relationships beyond repair.

I think instead of making your ability to move forward contingent upon the unconditional forgiveness of others, you need to accept that some of those people will always see you as "that guy," cut your losses, and let those relationships go. Put your energy into the people who are here for this new, better version of you.

bluemagex2517 · 2024-03-18T09:23:30+00:00

Just own up to it 100%. You shouldn't let go of it. Keep it as a reminder that you can grow and change.

I've been shitty it my past and I just admit it right away. One only should apologize the first time, or if someone seems genuinely still very upset, but you can still own up to it without apologizing.

Like if someone brings up the fact that you used to believe something misogynistic, right away start talking about it. Like, "yeah, I can't believe I used to believe that garbage. It makes my cringe so hard. I'm glad I got out of that mindset." Etc.

I find if you aggressively put down those ideas, people get the message that you don't believe that stuff anymore. If, on the other hand, you focus on excusing your behavior and acting like a victim, they'll keep pressing you.

I'll give you my personal example: when I was in my early 20s for a couple of years I used to lie to women to try to get laid. Like, both lie about stuff or lie emotionally. Like, I'd listen to her say stuff about what she was looking for and what she was into and I'd pretend to match that. With one girl I'm into emo bands and looking for a serious relationship, the next it's something else. Sometimes I'd pretend to have just gone through a break-up, or things like that. It was truly shitty behavior driven by trauma and low self-esteem. But, regardless of the reasons, I still did those things and it was still completely wrong.

If someone from my past brought the up, I'd just own up to it right away and damn those actions and my past self. If it was one of the women I lied to I'd sincerely apologize, even though it's been more than 15 years since then.

Don't run from it or try to put it behind you. It's a part of your growth into a better person. Think of it like a trophy of a beast you slayed, but the beast was ideas inside your head.

starspider · 2024-03-18T12:34:58+00:00

So you know you've changed, but how do other people know it's not just lip service when you say it?

RP is a very manipulative mindset that literally teaches you to manipulate people to get sex. Why should people believe that you have changed when you've come from such a place?

The only answer is time and repetition, I'm afraid. Consistent behavior that shows you've taken ownership of your behavior, changed, and that change isn't just a surface level behavior modification. People need to see you behaving consistently. The more often they 'catch' you acting right, the better.

It will feel pretty awesome when it happens, too.

manykeets · 2024-03-18T12:51:07+00:00

You might need new friends

VovaGoFuckYourself · 2024-03-18T13:57:12+00:00

Some people hold grudges. You can't control how other people see you or what they choose to remember about you. What you can control is how you respond to it.

If it helps, there are plenty of people (myself included!) who have extreme respect for people who mandate to break free from these toxic mentalities. Few things are more impressive to me that the humility required for someone to admit they believed something stupid and to acknowledge the way the acted in the name of that belief was far from respectable.

So while there are people who will alwas remember what you said and did and may hold it against you, there are plenty of others who will do the opposite.

Fwiw, I'm about as aggressively anti-redpill-dudes as it gets, and I'm proud of you =]

mono_2235- · 2024-03-18T00:49:52+00:00

Just ignore these people. They don't understand that humans are complex and mindsets/beliefs change over time. You've acknowledged/recognized your mistakes and are allowed to evolve without anyone's permission. If they don't wanna accept you, then that's on them and you should go where you're appreciated/wanted.

Proud of you😊

markd315 · 2024-03-19T03:55:34+00:00

Go to therapy and then probably stop talking about it.

I don't talk much about the bad things I've done because I don't think about them that much, and I don't feel that I should.

It's not healthy to, actually. That's what the therapy is for is to process it so that you can stop doing it so much.

BuddaJim2023 · 2024-03-17T23:42:56+00:00

Try going outside and interacting with real people. Get off the internet and they won’t fuck with you.

Does this make sense or no?

Ok-Dust-4156 · 2024-03-18T09:43:30+00:00

You usually go with your life and find other people. Almost all kids do dumb shit when they're 15 years old. If there are people who still bring all of that then it's better to just cut them from your life.

featherblackjack · 2024-03-18T11:56:58+00:00

Sounds like you might need new friends tbh. If they're high school friends, maybe time to change them out for people with a little more emotional maturity.

Possible-Shift249 · 2024-03-17T23:52:26+00:00

Apparently not. People lack empathy. I’ve seen it all the time on the news where someone makes a mistake, gets arrested, and then apologizes/ takes steps to be a better person, people still call him a bad person, creep, dangerous evil, loser, etc.

Title	How do I move on from this if others will never forgive me and keep reminding me
Author	StarSpangledAvenger_
Upvotes	19
Comments	36
Date	March 17, 2024 11:19 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1bhby3r/how_do_i_move_on_from_this_if_others_will_never/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-do-i-move-on-from-this-if-others-will-never.1426192 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426192

Comments