So I'm progressing towards a relationship with a girl and I'm having moments of freaking out, anyone else get this?

noah-schultz · 2018-04-09T15:21:23+00:00

Fear of missing out it sounds like

Smooth21 · 2018-04-09T15:33:40+00:00

My ex was honestly so fucking hot that I keep trying to find a girl as hot or hotter than her and that benchmark fucked with my physical standards.

Same. I found a girl a few months back that sounds similar to the girl in your story. She was cute, had a good career, and was a really good person.

But...I knew I could do better. I knew that I could never commit to her. After seeing her for a few weeks and hanging out 4 times, I told her that I could not commit to a relationship and that we were not exclusive.

I didn't want to lead her on, so she told me that she really appreciated my honesty. She left my apartment and we never talked again. I feel great about my decision because I know she was not "the one" I've been with 6 other girls since then. This was in early January.

LimitedContributor · 2018-04-09T16:20:31+00:00

Also, you gotta ignore those thoughts. You can only have so many cute girls, man.

Don't lose yourself.

jamesy69 · 2018-04-09T16:31:58+00:00

If you’re having this much trouble trying to figure out what to do, I’d recommend just doing it. I think it’s better to walk away from these things with lessons instead of regrets. Life is long homie, if it doesn’t work out there’s always more girls out there.

At least in my life, the experiences I resisted the most were the ones that helped me to grow the most. If it makes you uncomfortable, there’s a solid chance it’s the best thing for you.

xen911 · 2018-04-09T16:27:50+00:00

Talk with her about it and if she isn't down, don't get serious. Mine is amazing and actively working on threesomes for us because I was straightforward with her.

SinicalDreams · 2018-04-09T18:01:19+00:00

Feelings of uncertainty are super common early in a relationship. If you just push through for a few weeks then it tends to pass. Many people go through this stage and never figure it out. As a result they have a revolving door of relationships.

zfgee · 2018-04-09T18:22:32+00:00

Great book to read. It's called "Attached" by Amir Levine and someone else. Might explain a lot.

DominicanFury · 2018-04-10T00:54:30+00:00

i think you sexualizing(i know it's not word) women, when you see a hot girl or a cute girl do you want to fuck them on the spot?(signs of to much porn if this whats happening)

spoonthrower · 2018-04-09T17:53:30+00:00

I've been freaking out for a different reason.

Namely, I don't want to fuck it up and I'm still pretty insecure when we haven't contacted her in a while.

When I'm with her, I'm actually really comfortable, but it's hard for me to truly have a sense of abundance when I have butterflies in my stomach.

I can tell she really likes me too, but I just wish I could feel completely at ease all the time.

Archemeedies · 2018-04-10T00:05:56+00:00

You dont love her

ZincMan · 2018-04-09T19:30:52+00:00

In a very similar situation, it’s maybe the 3rd girl I’ve had this happen to over the past couple of years. After a 2 months or so I’d get that same feeling a break up. I’ve been feeling that same way again but this time I’m hanging in there a bit longer. I was basically honest with her, told her I wanted to break up and also that I’d most likely feel the same with other girls. She understood but also wanted to keep seeing me so we just kind of kept seeing each other, which honestly has been nice. I think about meeting other girls often but I hadn’t really had an opportunity with someone else that I KNEW was better. This is the first time in my life I’m sort of ok with being “comfortable” for a little while. I talked to a friend who I consider much better with women and he’s with a super cool girl who’s not drop dead gorgeous either and he asked me to really consider the positives of what I have... so I’m not jumping to end it immediately or anything. You might consider talking to a therapist about it. It’s good to help break down what you’re actually thinking

TheNealestRigga · 2018-04-09T22:50:01+00:00

Damn dude this hit waaay too close to home. I can relate so much. Currently dealing with this. Except I've been in the relationship for about 4 months now. She actually broke up with me cos she says she's in love with me but she doesn't think I'll ever love her. She's not wrong.

I'd say go for it and do it for a couple of months and see how you feel. It might suck to start over or continue gaming but the experience of dating and being around a girl you can actually stand and enjoy being with is pretty special.

PM me if you want to talk about this some more. Lord knows I could use some advice on it myself.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-04-10T03:25:33+00:00

____1____

I'm basically having moments of "I like her, but am I settling?" or feelings of having to catch up because I missed out on a lot of women when I was younger.

Yeah. Been there. It's the dark side of being a late bloomer and/or getting into all this game stuff.

What you're struggling with will determine whether you can ever settle down or not. The answers are not easy. Mark Manson did a pretty good write-up on this sort of thing that you ought to take a look at. He basically found that relationships that work are ridiculously similar in their characteristics.

Compare what you are, what she is, and what you are together, with the things in that article. Think about what you really want.

If you want to raise a family, is this woman really a good partner to do that with? Could you see each other agreeing on how to raise kids?
Is she someone who solves problems with you rather than attacking you at the first sign of a conflict?

And so on.

____2___

I've slept with a good amount of women in the past since getting out of college but I feel like I still want more...especially since a lot of the women I slept with weren't even as attractive as those I wanted.

I mean, it's a valid thing to not want to settle down.

But wanting some unattainable thing is going to lead to you screwing any relationship goals you have beyond sex. Settling what this means to you, is really up to you. None of us here can define it for you.

____3_____

....there are hotter girls out there too that might be like her personality"

If this is the only reason, it's not really a reason, is it? There's always something novel and new around the corner. It's not even about the "hotness" because that gets old after a few months.

____4____

How do I fix this? I feel like I'm always going to have these thoughts no matter who I end up dating and it's really bothering me that I'll possibly never be fulfilled.

True. It is a problem. One that many of us here walk right into. It's baked right into so many of the assumptions behind a lot of "seduction" advice here. At least the older stuff from even 5-10 years ago. A lot of stuff was born from the minds of guys who were coming out of a place of never having social success. The truth is, this stuff isn't really that hard when you figure it out.

The problem quickly becomes, "how do I know when to stop?" Or "I don't want to stop."

This very line of questioning that you're on right now, is important. It implies that you're unhappy about how things are going. Which means you'll find some way of resolving it.

____5____

My ex was honestly so fucking hot that I keep trying to find a girl as hot or hotter than her and that benchmark fucked with my physical standards.

Well, this is a clear case of you mythologizing the past. You broke up with her for a reason. Hot is nothing, in the scheme of things. You know as well as I that "hot" can be found pretty easily. Harder to find that certain something inside that's attractive.

If you want a serious relationship, it's going to be hotter if a girl is actually good at being a partner. Or good at co-existing with you. It's the day to day grind that ends up being the relationship killer sometimes. That beginning glow doesn't last.

SwordOfTruthHurts · 2018-04-10T09:00:44+00:00

Did you dump your hot ex?

If you're 26 now, that's about the right age to marry, settle down, and have kids. You haven't stated if that's what you want now. If it is, then great! Also, are you two at relatively equal positions on the hierarchy of society? Meaning... if you feel that you are higher up on the status hierarchy, you might always feel like you can do better than her, which could lead to cheating or at least constantly wondering if you could do better. The same goes vice versa. ALSO, you should have an accurate perception of you status. You might have lofty goals, but if your actions or current trajectory doesn't line up, you should reevaluate and really get an idea of where you stand.

It's a lot to handle... Also, be aware the relationship might go through a big shift after around 18 months. At that time, you know pretty much everything about each other, and the honeymoon period is coming to a close. Those intense emotions you're feeling now are temporary, and can only be reignited in short-term spurts after the honeymoon period. You'll probably find a routine in life. If you like routine, it's a good time to marry.

Also, people who are older don't care about looks nearly as much. So if that's your hang up, forget about it. Will this girl support you? Will she let you keep your hobbies? Will you let her control you if she tries? Think long-term. If it looks good, why not stick around and see how a relationship with her goes?

Kratz100 · 2018-04-10T01:40:06+00:00

Easy.

1-Forget about your ex completely. 2-Date other girls while you are dating the girl you are currently seeing.

Title	So I'm progressing towards a relationship with a girl and I'm having moments of freaking out, anyone else get this?
Author	The_Reddit_Jester
Upvotes	24
Comments	30
Date	April 9, 2018 2:42 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/8ayx94/so_im_progressing_towards_a_relationship_with_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/so-im-progressing-towards-a-relationship-with-a.1444543 https://theredarchive.com/post/1444543

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