How many girls/dates did it take till you found a girl who you connect with?

Daygamecumbucket · 2019-08-05T23:33:13+00:00

How long is a piece of string?

I learnt early on I suck at dating. Formal, sit down small talk. Not for me.

I went and did awesome shit, and if they wanted to join me they could. Has to be phrased as if they wanted to join you, not you asking them out.

Ice skating, rock climbing, bowling. Whatever. Something physical and that you can have a laugh and gentle tease. Have the area semi-scoped for a cafe/bar/etc for a cheeky drink afterwards when endorphins are high.

Because I know I rock a good time, and if they end up not being fun.. Not the other way around. Took me 10years and dozens and dozens of fails to work this out. Once i had what works dialled for me, Then 9/10 times I screened them.

As for relationships. They are what you make of them, if you don’t know what you want. Then it’s hard to screen girls that you might like.... lazy weekends on the couch? Hiking every weekend? Bars or fine dining? Etc.

Gotta work our what works for you my dude.

LawdyHowLayLooYa · 2019-08-06T00:18:37+00:00

Its not the girls you are dating. Shitty as it is to confront, it is actually you. I recommend 2 books.

How to be a 3% man - Corey Wayne
The Way of the Superior Man - David Dieda

No. 1 talks about dating and inevitably getting her to be your girlfriend

While no. 2 talks about who you need to be once you’ve made her your girlfriend. The man you need to embody for the rest of your life.

Both very good reads

ChrisDarmount · 2019-08-06T01:48:59+00:00

I have a spreadsheet.

6% of first dates eventually lead to "lighting" where the girl blows my mind in and out of the sack.

If i'm trying to land hot women who I'm super excited about, I have sex with about 10%-20% of the women I go out with. If I'm just trying to have fun, I have sex with about 30% of the women I go out with.

Between 30%-50% of the time we both like each other and want to pursue. The lower number is if I'm dating hotter women, the higher is if I'm just trying to have fun.

Of the dates that eventually end in sex, on average, it takes 2.1 dates to get to sex. Generally this means it happens, on the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd dates. I almost never wait until after the 3rd date.

stevenmarkryan · 2019-08-06T01:38:49+00:00

Unless your standards are incredibly low, or you are incredibly lucky, it will take dozens upon dozens of dates before you find a woman you really click with, who is also really into you.

ToxicBlood · 2019-08-05T22:51:55+00:00

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smoothmax · 2019-08-06T01:35:41+00:00

I'm going in the opposite direction.

The more I learn game (the more I learn to be a man and not a beta male chode), the more women I connect with, and the more I see and appreciate the strengths and flaws of practically every woman that I get to know.

ImmodestPolitician · 2019-08-06T01:52:26+00:00

Sounds like you are in your mid 20s.

Women in their 20s generally seem to be obsessed with socializing. They want to go to the hippest clubs.

Women that age are exploring their options. They are getting dick thrown towards them everywhere. An attractive women can tour the world on someone else dime. Do you really think those Instagram girls are paying for their trips to foreign shores?

Women change their minds about that as the get older and their options begin to decline.

redmormon · 2019-08-06T06:50:14+00:00

It is either you finding the wrong girls or yourself that makes it hard to click. From my experience if you have an open welcome attitude towards others you can click with almost anybody.

NewtypeJ · 2019-08-06T00:27:34+00:00

Depends, if you mean fall in love with, don’t... “love” benefits the woman a lot more than it does the man, I connect with every girl I go out with to some degree. Just keep trying, you’ll find someone who’s worth your time. Not every girl is worth connecting with.

PhilipLiptonSchrute · 2019-08-06T03:08:41+00:00

I connected with my ex about 30 minutes into our first date. We made it 6 years before she chose a career over wanting to start a family. I've been dating about 12 months now and haven't found anyone even remotely close. It blows.

clemens12345 · 2019-08-06T12:26:01+00:00

It takes as many dates as you need to stop looking for one girl to connect with. If your life is so epic that you´re not looking for "your better half", she will always magically pop out the woodworks. So i would suggest you don´t think about a relationship right now, just date around, have fun with different women and set up your life so that it completely fullfills you.

VDKay · 2019-08-06T14:13:22+00:00

For me, "clicking" is broken down into 3 types of matching:

Physical. This is the most basic one. The more (subjectively) good-looking she is, and the more I enjoy getting physical with her (sex, cuddling, hugging, etc.), the more I want to be with her.
Character. This is her character traits and how much they are in-line with yours. This includes humor, or how she behaves when she is angry/frustrated/happy/etc. or, more simply-put, her core-values. It is not a matter of good or bad character traits. It is also not a matter of you having the same traits as her. It is just that your characters can get along well. And that she is not too crazy.
Lifestyle and Story. This is the most, let's say, high-level sociological aspect. This is about where she comes from and what is her lifestyle right now. The more you are considering a serious relationship, the more this type of matching surfaces. It is essentially the ability to connect, share experiences, and plan ahead with similar mindsets. This is not so much about social or financial "castes" (though as much as we'd like to deny it, they do play an important role), but more about finding smaller or bigger common grounds to build a healthy relationship

So, about your question, it is a numbers game. You put down your criteria, and play. How fast you are going to find "the one" is a function of these:

What you want out of "the one". The quality and quantity of the criteria narrow down your potential matches
The demographics of the girls you approach. Do the demographics match your criteria? (If, for example, your criterion is a gamer-girlfriend, then hitting on party girls will make your life harder)
How much you are willing to look past. Pretty self-explanatory. Some things are going to be instant deal-breakers, and some others are going to add up to a threshold. What you consider a deal-breaker or a threshold has to do with your mindset which, for me, it has to do with the point you are in life.
The time you invest with a particular person, or, simply, the opportunities you are giving her. Physical attraction is pretty straightforward, but character and lifestyle/story (as explained above) require time and investment to truly be able to investigate. Some people are really fast to judge and filter out other people. On the other hand, this gives you time to meet more people. Maybe you have to re-define your golden line with this trade-off.
Luck. As said, it's a numbers game. With every new girl you meet, you are actually rolling the cosmic dice.

OK, educational story time now. For me, it was like the 3rd person I ever went on a date with. We instantly matched in all 3 types. We even clicked in so many really obscure ways, and we shared past experiences where the chances were like a million to one. And I felt so lucky to meet such person in my 3rd try. She was really amazing!

For the record, after some time, she ghosted me.

So... if you are willing to take away a simple humble advice from an internet stranger. There is no "the one". Simply find someone who you can have good time with and you can deal with her issues, and she enjoys being with you. And then see how it goes. Filter out the garbage, yes, but also accept the fact that there is no perfect girl or perfect relationship. Accept that the "perfection" is only a product of your own head, so you are the one making it happen.

WIA20XX · 2019-08-06T14:34:33+00:00

About 2 years between each real girlfriend.

sinbad2011 · 2019-08-06T21:23:54+00:00

Don't count the numbers. Just keep having fun.

muirnoire · 2019-08-06T07:52:50+00:00

I've finally met one that loves me like no other. It can take awhile. I'm 59 years old.

2019-08-06T08:14:02+00:00

Premise: I've a close rate in a date around 85-90%. Some of the dates that I had end up directly at my home without even seen her before. Last one just open the door, I drag her to my room and I put my dick inside of her mouth.

Yes ok, what are you doing wrong then.

I had a student just like you. Perfect at approaching, creating interest and comfort and he may also number closed the girl. Sometimes kiss closed her. But without being able to have sex or kiss close consistently.

After that I told what follows to him, he kissed 6 girls in the same night. And had sex with 3 new girls in a month. And he had sex with 3 girls in his whole life before.

So what's the trick.

The trick is to show intention and being sexual. Yes, when you approach saying something like "I love your face, what's your name?" it's perfect and works in a lot of cases. But that's not enough.

Why? Because the girl doesn't know whether you want to have sex with her or not. I've just told my student to start being sexual with girls. That meant:

- do you like her ass? Just say "You've a really amazing ass by the way".

- do you like her boobs? Just do the same

- you are thinking about sex, condoms or some stories that involve sex? Just speak about it (unless it's really rude)

And, most important thing of all, move the girl to your place. You can use an excuse, like "wanna move at my apartment? I'll show you the book I was telling you". Or, better, just say something like "do you want to move to my place?". As simple as that.

I'm saying that because if all your dates end up with nothing... is because you are not making it happen. You are not building the sexual tension, you are not even trying to move the girl to a place where you can actually close her.

Ah and don't be obsessed with the sexual tension. More then once I had really plane dates, without even physical contact and I just proposed to go to my place. And we end up having sex either way.

Hope this will help, good luck brah.

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