Men are in relationships but all of them surely can't be acting like how PUA and seduction techniques tell you, so how are they doing it?

chanyourmind · 2019-08-19T01:31:00+00:00

TBH you don't need PUA to find a relationship. Everybody has a different type and if you just live a normal, fulfilling life, you're going to attract somebody sooner or later. That's why one of the most often repeated advice on here is "be yourself" and "don't take this too seriously".

jackzander · 2019-08-19T02:22:08+00:00

The advice you find on this sub is geared toward attraction, not relationships.

Attraction is the just the first phase. Even valid PUA advice becomes trivial once two people are comfortable, trusting and invested. Other qualities become more important, such as patience, security and empathy.

It's a completely different arena.

WIA20XX · 2019-08-19T13:06:18+00:00

Most normal people meet through their social circles.

The guy only talks to girls from school, work, friends of friends/family.

The girl, on the other hand, gets offers from guys in her social circle and from anyone bold enough to talk to a stranger.

And most girls take steps to attract as many possible suitors as possible.

At some point she gets bored, hurt, or ages out of the prime era. Then she wants to settle.

2019-08-19T06:18:53+00:00

I honestly think it’s not about how you act so much as being in the right place at the right time in a woman’s life. IE a coworker that may work with a girl intimately. Sure certain traits definitely help but you see enough women with complete losers to shatter the ‘it’s all about status’ myth. On the contrary though women won’t fall into your lap so you won’t win by being aloof and indifferent like PUAs advocate.

I use the example of Celine Dion and her old bald manager who was simply there alongside her on her personal journey to superstardom. It created rapport and love between them. It was certainly not his Herculean looks.

I personally think the best advice is to open up more windows to put yourself in a situation where you stumble and bumble into a situation where a woman is ready to receive a quality man. Join multiple dating apps, spin several plates at the same time. It keeps you from being fixated on one woman. Focus on your career, your wardrobe, smelling good, etc.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s you can’t convince a woman to fall for you. Throw out all the PUA books. She has to discover your worth like someone hearing a song on the radio that captures their interest. The dating market is so over saturated with options women aren’t impressed by money or looks because there’s so many options around that those things aren’t enough on their own to get you the girl. You have to have things that set you apart, like common interests, or work with them, or know them through a friend... things to make you cut ahead of the line of suitors. In that regard online dating is nearly futile and will likely only make you miserable. Good luck setting yourself apart from everybody else when it’s online.

Put yourself in situations where women see your worth and uniqueness. Showcase a musical talent for example on Facebook. Post videos. Those type of things will cut you ahead of the horde.

And just focus on you and be the prize. Women will appreciate the 1 guy out of 10 who is the prize over the 9 putting her on a pedestal and wooing them with their income or the car they drive.

You don’t have to be fake or inauthentic to use simple science of the law of least effort to get ahead in dating.

Morose123 · 2019-08-19T09:37:42+00:00

‘PUA’ is largely bullshit and most men don’t need it. I’ve met PUA instructors in person and they are mentally damaged ego maniacs mostly.

26852515 · 2019-08-19T02:33:36+00:00

Not sure which country you live in, but with hundreds of millions of relationships around the world, there's going to be more than a few factors. In general my experience (in western countries) is that younger woman are more affected by the pua types. They do the shit tests, they want the alpha, they will respond to you hitting on their friends etc. But once they're older (not so much an age as in experience, could be a 22 year old whose more mature, could be a 35 year old) they're looking for more long term prospects. They're willing to sacrifice having the alpha male bed them, for the stability and long term care and affection a beta or omega gives them. And yes there are a lot of people in relationships just because they don't like being alone - the divorce rate is nearly 50% for a reason. But those women aren't going to bars and clubs, they aren't going to fall for your one liners. They have been through that life, and now they want a long term, stable partner.

BrunoFromBrazil · 2019-08-19T01:33:26+00:00

Most men are dating women they're not very attracted to, they haven't had many partners, they need to act like wimps to avoid being dumped and they hate their lives.

And of course there are also the naturals, who are alpha males and don't need game.

But if you're not an alpha by nature/nurture, and you want to sleep with lots of girls and CHOOSE your wife, then yes you absolutely need to learn game.

canseiDeSerEnganado · 2019-08-19T01:29:02+00:00

Your explanation was pretty bad. You really dont need to act like pua gurus or live like mark manson to be in a relationship. The world is not a game and people are not plain.

A lot of men live well without ever entering in this pua world, while others learn a lot here. And its ok.

bike_tyson · 2019-08-19T02:28:53+00:00

This is a big thing. I’ve been seeing the guys I know get married by persisting with the girl they love. It seems to work way better than some of the PUA advice. But it is for getting married and not for club pick ups or multiple partners.

Online advice seems to be, if she’s not obsessing over you, she hates you and wants you to die. Like reaching out for advice with flaky girls. But all the guys I know who got the girl, no matter how out of their league, just broke down and said they needed them. Sat down for serious talks and all that. Put themselves out there.

2019-08-19T04:40:11+00:00

What does your observations tell you? Gaming/PUA/Seduction is the most unnatural process to connect with women.

Women are 'heart-feeling'. They need to feel a mans heart because they are far more sensitive and intuitive than men. When they can feel the heart, there are no shit tests. They move mountains to please you. Satisfy you. Cater to you. And outright copy your mannerisms and behaviors to match you. To give in to you. Love on you and please you. Their entire being (and body) opens up to you, and it's the most beautiful experience.

...it's also an effortless one. You shouldn't have to try. You shouldn't have to work. It happens quickly and instinctively. Man Meets Woman. Primitive and biological.

PUA is the complete opposite of all of that. It's a logical, reasoning-based approach to attraction that DOES work, but not without loads of trial and error, failures, wasted time and money to "figure things out". God equipped us to mate and procreate effortlessly. It was never meant to be an "industry". It was never meant to be a "community". It was only meant to be natural, and that's what those men you witnessed in relationships understand that most men here don't and likely never will. Their stuck in their own head. Forgetting their heart and balls.

It's all about trying to 'convince' a girl you're a good catch, rather than just BEING a good catch. It works. I suppose. It's just terribly inefficient. Why walk when I can drive? Why drive when I can fly?

helgahood · 2019-08-19T03:00:00+00:00

They get into relationships by being themselves. Live your life and be happy with being alone. The right person eventually comes around to be your mate.

Redditaspropaganda · 2019-08-19T05:41:41+00:00

PUA is not some academic field.

PUA is not some sort of proven science.

The fact is, the basic concepts of PUA are all just shit you learn in elementary school or from a older experienced male figure. Be confident, be bold, improve your life with hobbies and fitness.

You don't need any of this stuff besides (for those who are lacking) finding inspiration or motivation. Certainly not spouting this dumb lingo or corny ass seminars.

Also it's human relationships, what works for other people is not proven to work for you. The only way things work is through self discovery via failure. You also don't need to dedicate time to doing it like some sort of job.

2019-08-19T07:56:53+00:00

Pua stuff is for three kinds of guys:

Guys who lack empathy and basic social skills (autistic, sociopathic, isolated etc.)
Guys who are ok with girls but want to do great and have heaps of sexual options or to have one amazing girl that he can choose out of a handful rather than settling for average
Guys who have low self esteem and/or lack patience and want to use pua stuff to quickly grab a girlfriend and then they get out of the pua community until they are dumped later on

If you’re an average guy, with normal empathy, social skills, you don’t want extreme amounts of sexual options, you’re happy with just one okay girlfriend, and you have average self esteem, you’re likely to never get in the pua world and you’ll land yourself an average girlfriend a few times in your life and get married with one of them.

2019-08-19T08:54:00+00:00

I've been in a 2 year relationship and a 6 month one. Neither involved any pua techniques at all at any point. I think the most obvious factor is that the two of you should get along well and enjoy each others company, have the same humor, and have compatible personalities. You cant exactly learn that but I'll admit some pua is good at the hook and maintaining interest until you two are comfortable around each other and you can just stay fully at ease

Maintaining a relationship is dependent on keeping her interested by constantly trying new things, spicing stuff up once in a while and changing up the routine. Dont ever get too complacent and make sure to COMMUNICATE ISSUES instead of keep them bottled inside.

GlobalArachnid · 2019-08-19T12:55:04+00:00

You need to know how girls think and behave if you want to land a half-decent girlfriend.

If you just keep being yourself and haven't caught one before college/uni ends, you'll never be a lover and always be a dutiful provider instead.

therealfakenews17 · 2019-08-19T14:42:58+00:00

Tbh pua are mostly scammers preying on insecure men

Work on yourself in all ways, be genuine, and ladies/relationships will come. It’s not a science, every woman is different, and the last thing you need to do is put up a stupid front about something you’re not like most puas suggest

gill_smoke · 2019-08-19T18:25:35+00:00

Getting the girl is only the first step, keeping the lady is a different matter. As a lifer (been married over 20 years) the reason I'm here is to keep working on myself. And maybe help the shy guy out. Hint it's get over yourself and be the best you you can be. Staying married is easy, staying happily married is a bit more tricky and includes a bunch of the skills taught by pick up; confidence, figuring out what you want, going for it, being accountable for what you say and do, HIT THE GYM!, take care of yourself, and finally charm. Being interesting and interested is the real deal for a long term relationship. Relationships are hard, and I think a bit harder for men, there's plenty of NOT to be likes but not a lot of positive caring role models. But as you mentioned even shlubs can get a girl, can they keep them happy? Not for me to judge, I'll do me and leave the rest alone.

2019-08-19T02:16:42+00:00

I suspect there are two common causes:

One, by accident, the guy attracted the girl completely by accident by showing value and social proof because circumstances lined up by chance to allow this to happen. It still follows the same structure as an intentional seduction, it just happens completely by accident. This probably happens often enough that people get into relationships with this method from time to time. Then they tend to stay there because they think this is something unique between the two of them. I think this is how normal people think it always works and why their dating advice is usually "just wait and you'll find someone". It has happened to me before I knew about game.

Another one is where a girl shows ridiculously obvious IOIs or maybe even asks out a guy who has a significantly higher SMV than herself, so he doesn't really have to do anything right because the face value difference is so big that she already decided on him. Then the guy just settles for it even though he could get someone much better because he's been lonely for a while and has no other options. I know this could have happened to me on many occasions if I had been willing to settle for it.

Models is a trash book btw.

smoothmax · 2019-08-19T03:45:36+00:00

Many relationships form because a woman wants a relationship with a guy even if he's pretty beta, so she basically games him similar to how a male PUA games women. Approaches him, makes eye contact, makes an observation about him, teases, acts interested but like she has other options, escalates physically, inquires about logistics, hints or flat out tells him she's sexually available and sometimes even invites him home. Guys sometimes just act like a girl, act really lame and passive.

It's kind of sad sounding but I think it's so common that it has to be very old, instinctive human behavior. Probably how beta males (the majority of men) have managed to survive and reproduce throughout history.

Think about it: only so many men can be the alpha leaders in a tribe. The rest have to be beta followers. They cannot presume to act alpha or that would upset the tribe. The alpha cannot literally fuck every woman and raise every child, the betas have breed too, so they have this passive, female-like mode of accepting proposals from women.

2019-08-19T13:07:28+00:00

I was in a 3 year relationship despite being super needy and desperate. She was beautiful too and a great girl except for the reasons that made me break up.

I basically chased her for Half a year until we started going out and then moved in together. She was very much wrong for me but she was the first to show me any attention and affection and I was 20 when we met.

After breaking up I realized I just loved the sex and confidence boost. Without her I had no confidence or personality which I had to develop. Best thing that happened to me despite how shitty i felt for months after breaking up and wanting her back.

ArmitageShanks69 · 2019-08-19T13:30:15+00:00

Because they understand the male/female dynamic naturally - i.e. they evolved inside the dating pool as opposed to outside it.

Most of those seeking supposed 'skills' and 'techniques' from the pua/seduction community evolved outside of the dating pool and most of those who manage to just get a foot in the door still remain just as socially unevolved but have been given a carrot on a stick to enable them to lure an unsuspecting female donkey into their lives.

TheOGblackbeard · 2019-08-19T13:45:02+00:00

wrong, sometimes girls like guys that are less attractive because they have been burned by players/hot guys etc. they value the security, appreciation and attention they receive along with the power they have in these relationships. Can happen when they're young, old, whenever. lol some girl like looking good just for the eyes they get but are very sapio

Title	Men are in relationships but all of them surely can't be acting like how PUA and seduction techniques tell you, so how are they doing it?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	27
Comments	44
Date	August 19, 2019 1:24 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/csa6b1/men_are_in_relationships_but_all_of_them_surely/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/men-are-in-relationships-but-all-of-them-surely.1476412 https://theredarchive.com/post/1476412

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