Do you feel the concept of modern dating is working/fair?

erect_sean · 2020-06-18T03:05:55+00:00

What is even the concept of dating nowadays. I bet people don't really know. The majority of guys really stumble into a relationship and stay there because they're too afraid of being alone.

Dating can be hard because each girl is different, some girls will go for the stunt that your dude pulled on the DMs others wont.

My advice, stick to what works, focus on yourself and your self esteem to have that core confidence and to prevent from being the typical needy/simp/nice guys. Also work on your "game", your skills on how to flirt and interact with women to actually get shit done when you're out there.

GrandMasterB19 · 2020-06-18T04:26:30+00:00

"I want to pound your pussy" LOL

So I recently wrote a passage about this elsewhere. I think the main problem is that nobody can really define what modern dating is or is supposed to be, so there's an uneven playing field right now with women dominating.

So here's my solution: men need to raise their standards. What I've noticed is that almost all women, regardless of looks, popularity, social status, education, or finances almost unequivocally put themselves first and do what's best for themselves. So they don't even need to act like clowns or be constantly entertaining because they put themselves above you. You feel the need to act like a clown and entertain them becasue you put yourself below them. And you've been brainwashed by consumer culture to believe that's what you need to do to get results.

So from my point of view the only way to even things out is for men to start putting themselves first and acting in their best interest. Stop giving all your power away to women. She sees herself as the prize. You need to see yourself as an equal or better prize.

GrandMasterB19 · 2020-06-18T03:50:39+00:00

As a female i gave up on dating. Men now expect sex after the first date and typically dont bother getting to know me. They constantly talk about my looks thinking I find it flattering.

Im not saying men in general, only the ones I've met through dating apps. Once quarantine is over I plan on meeting people the old fashion way.... see someone you may be interested in in person, talk a little, ask for number.

lovatoariana · 2020-06-18T04:36:21+00:00

Seems like all she wanted was to get her pussy pounded, and you spent too much time comforting her and actually believing her bullshit. I hate it too, but you can NEVER take women too seriously. Always gotta keep steering the boat your way, by being playful with her even when shes "broken". Might sound like you are using her, but i was in the same boat and i know how it feels when she tells u to fuck off after crying on your shoulder for days.

I also have a feeling that i need to put on an act and fake my persona, but thats just what most of the pick up community advice is. You dont need to spend energy faking and acting like a clown. You just need to learn how to use your personality the best way. Ive honestly tried to put on an act a lot of the time and it didnt work. On the other side ive picked up a girl that is in my eyes a 9/10 by just approaching her. I honestly feel like there isnt much control you can have, i just approached her in the right moment after she broke up and had a lot of power just from lucky timing

GrandMasterB19 · 2020-06-18T03:38:06+00:00

It’s not supposed to be fair. It is what it is. Look for people who are compatible. If you want to take it slow, then that wasn’t the right girl for you. If you want to just go for it, then do it. Don’t be afraid thinking that you have to walk on eggshells to get what you want because that sets the role for you in a relationship when you do find one, and those guys usually end up getting cheated on anyway. Don’t be that guy.

The biggest obstacle in dating and in life is finding what you want and going for it. Once you figure it out, just go for it. Anyone else that doesn’t fit in those goals probably wasn’t meant to.

TheMailmanic · 2020-06-18T04:06:07+00:00

Dating as we knew it is dead.

Now it's all about sex and giving a girl tingles, fucking her and moving on.

2020-06-18T04:41:26+00:00

When a girl tells you she is broken.. it usually means she wants to fuck... but she's saying, not you (this could change depending on how you act)

I think you should check out r/Stoicism ... just dont give a fuck. You be you and make yourself better, confident, and find interests that you like. Women will flock to that.

Dont chase instagram Thots.

shersthings · 2020-06-18T04:43:03+00:00

Sorry man. That sounds tough. We live in a world that constantly tries to beat us up 24/7.

It’s easy to lose faith or hope that you’ll ever find that person that makes your heart sing and lose sleep thinking of seeing them the next day, we’re all struggling - even if you do, what are the chances that the feeling will last? For both of you?

We all change every second of every day and it’s panic-inducing to think how lonely we actually are.

But don’t worry. We’re all in this together.

You can’t control things: how you’ll meet someone special, how things will play out, long long it lasts - if it does.

So do your best, and it hurts when some things doesn’t work out, like the case your describing. But if this girl is the kind of girl that would say yes to a dm like that, do you really want her?

It’s her loss. Not yours. I feel stupid just typing it out but it’s true.

You did everything you could. If something doesn’t workout, you have nothing to regret about.

Just follow your instinct and don’t lose your faith.

recyclablebanthas · 2020-06-18T05:19:02+00:00

1

I just spent 2 months trying to slowly talk to a girl who claimed she was "broken"

You've presumably been dealing with some sort of lockdown procedures over part of those last two months, right?

In any case, whether or not you had the ability to meet up with her, the truth is that when you spend 2 months just slowly talking to a girl, you're friend-zoning yourself.

Slowing talking to someone for 2 months, isn't modern dating.

2

Do you feel the concept of modern dating is working/fair?

It certainly does, provided someone has picked up social skills. But then, that's the problem, isn't it? Guys who come here, are often struggling with this stuff.

3

I either feel like a) I'm expected to put up a clown act by constantly entertaining women or b) balancing a unicycle on a rope - if I say one wrong thing that makes it seem I'm too interested I'm a needy, desperate simp who has displayed low value.

Let's go through this list.

a.) The idea that one needs to "constantly entertain" women, is fear based. It comes from the idea that the guy isn't good enough on his own, that she won't be attracted at all, unless he makes it so. Which is false.
- The problem is, if you assume this to be true, then you'll adopt all sorts of behavior that FUCKS you out of any chance with a girl.
b.) The idea that you're balancing a unicycle on a rope. Which translates again to the idea that you alone, aren't good enough and no one will like you as a person unless you keep some sort of trick going. This is fear based.
- The truth is, some people are going to like you, and some just won't. But if you assume that social interactions are a finely balanced thing and people won't like you if you make a single mistake, then you'll adopt behavior that fucks you.
c.) The idea that you have to worry about one wrong comment painting you as a needy, desperate simp. This is fear based.
- The truth is that the previous ideas from (a) and (b) will lead to someone adopting behavior that makes them seem desperate or needy, often before the interaction has moved into words being exchanged.

The overall fix here is two-fold:

Work on some social skills: active listening, follow-up in conversation, and confidence/self-worth.
- Actively listening is vital because it gives you plenty to talk about with someone, using what they have said.
- Follow-up: Most people ignore what someone has said and just start blah-blah-blahing. Use what you've actively heard. Follow-up on something someone said. Dig deeper.
- Work on your confidence and try to at least hold a firm idea in your mind of your own worth before going into a social interaction.
You can certainly make sure they don't like you by acting desperate, so let go of the idea that it takes work for people to like you. It takes work to tune into the conversation, but the part where they like you or not? That's truly out of your hands.

4

only for her to go after a guy who dm'd her on Instagram saying "I want to pound your pussy." Wtf lmao??

It can definitely be frustrating out there even if you're doing everything "right."

But in the situation you laid out, you friend-zoned yourself with this girl and what you saw there was that she was lonely and wanting to get somewhere with someone, so she jumped on it when this guy put it out there.

This isn't rocket science.

In fact, the girl showed she was probably desperate if she went for that. You probably dodged yourself a bullet there.

PM_ME_UR_SOCKS_GIRL · 2020-06-18T02:59:48+00:00

Well, you are answering yourself. You dont have to entertaint a girl like a clown. And being worring to seem needing, you are being needing.

Do you know PUA right? I recommend you Be relentless by David X, and Mode One or Mode One Hard by Alan Roger Currie.

2020-06-18T03:45:48+00:00

Technology isn't going to change thousands of years of evolutionary desires. It's just going to make it easier for one party to get what they want. You could say those video recordings of single men and women in the 80's was cheating if you compared it to stone-aged dating.

BigboyGutz · 2020-06-18T04:17:42+00:00

I agree but it depends on the person. What do you really look for in dating?

gigglybutt22 · 2020-06-18T04:38:28+00:00

no way about that last sentence. I’m sorry on behalf of women that you had to deal with that! I feel like overall right now is a really weird time for any of that but I do think that the environment now is way different than years ago

Tesla_UI · 2020-06-18T04:42:46+00:00

How did you know about the DM?

Iam_nameless · 2020-06-18T04:47:39+00:00

Well I know the problem here,

You should've DMed her that line lol!

iampanda2016 · 2020-06-18T04:50:16+00:00

Take care of yourself stay fit/ get fit don’t get drunk make friends Be honest with your intentions/what you want

I met my current gf at a free lunch thing at a local bar during the day. We happened to have one mutual friend. We really hit it off on the first date.

I’ve noticed younger girls love to play games and older girls are more upfront. I’m 26 now and gf is 31. I’ve dated and gone out with girls younger than me and let me tell you they don’t know what they want so just enjoy your time while you have it. I’m rambling, it’s late and I hope this helped someone.

riboflavin-B2 · 2020-06-18T04:56:31+00:00

You spent 2 months on ONE girl? And you never slept with her?

There’s a big issue right there. My point is that while you were talking to this 1 girl, based on your post’s tone, it sounds like you were ruminating over this 1 girl a lot for 2 months. You could’ve used that time to get your mental health together, work on losing fat, do exercises, worked on your goals, get yourself out there on every dating app. Dating and seduction is not going to be something where you can just expect women to fall into your lap for most men. You have to work for it and never give up. Constantly improve and better market yourself.

RogerRockmore · 2020-06-18T05:35:07+00:00

Nothing's ever going to be fair, that's just the truth, man. But as far as opportunities, we have the most we've ever had. I'm not saying that's not always a good thing, but there are so many great women out there honestly. You can fuck it up hundreds or thousands of times, and if you get it right once, it'll feel worth it to you. Or mess around and learn how to pull hos like the guy in your story lol it's your choice, and most people can find value in both.

Maybe myself or some other knowledgeable person here can help you out if you want to share more details about your dating life. Either way good luck.

Mr_82 · 2020-06-18T03:18:38+00:00

It's absolutely not fair, and that's why I don't do it. Edit: after seeing your note at the end, I'll say that I actually feel pretty good about not dating. I don't have to waste money or deal with the largely negative emotional effects. I spend time dong things I enjoy and learning new things.

Title	Do you feel the concept of modern dating is working/fair?
Author	PM_ME_UR_SOCKS_GIRL
Upvotes	46
Comments	48
Date	June 18, 2020 2:49 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/hb662z/do_you_feel_the_concept_of_modern_dating_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/do-you-feel-the-concept-of-modern-dating-is.1497403 https://theredarchive.com/post/1497403

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