How do I figure out if I'm being cucked?

mikeyostro · 2015-07-04T06:11:04+00:00

If you ask her, chances are you will not get a straight answer, and whatever she says, she will not be at fault....initiate dread game. Find self improvement. Go to the gym and turn off your phone while you're there. Just go out with your guy friends without asking for permission. Start practicing a wholesome hobby like playing an instrument, or whatever (I'm sure there's something you've wanted to do since your teen years). The point is become the man that SHE is afraid to lose, as you slowly increase your own human capital. You will benefit from this in more ways than just improving your relationship with your wife.

fnordsnord · 2015-07-04T19:56:59+00:00

Above all, do NOT ask her. Do NOT confront her. All this will do is cause her to a) lie to you and b) hide it better.

Start by adjusting your finances. Divert part of your income into accounts she has no access to. Use that money to hire a private investigator. Pay him only in cash. Take whatever he finds to a lawyer.

teeay · 2015-07-04T06:31:46+00:00

Follow the standard RP recipe and use the sex as a canary in the coalmine. If she doesn't get back into the swing of things with some enthusiasm, the relationship is definitely over. It doesn't sound too healthy already tbh, you don't want another 15 years on that to get really unhappy in, trust me.

lurkrastinator · 2015-07-04T11:12:54+00:00

The best way is not completely legal, it involves spying her cellphone with software created for that.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2015-07-04T10:45:18+00:00

Dread game is your friend. If she would wind up paying alimony, I'd start dating. (N.B. no idea what state you're in, but if you initiate a divorce, or think she might, you need to talk to a lawyer first). Start going out with no explanation, etc. Go have fun. First stop should be the gym.
AATL - Always Assume The Lie. Bitches lie and they lie BIG. Man Lie: "I was at Steve's all night, I swear!" Woman Lie: "It's your baby."
If you think you're getting cucked you probably are. Lots of hours at work, leaving wifey along, yada-yada....sure, you secured your kids' futures but she's showing advanced stages of "entitled cunt" disease.

favours_of_the_moon · 2015-07-04T06:44:54+00:00

Yeah, no shit honey, they weren't easy on me either, but I resent your feeling "oppressed" that you actually got to be a mother to your kids in a paid off house and not having to work.

This is because you were treating her as an "equal," which is to say a normal sane human being.

You weren't jumping through the ridiculous hoops that a man needs to jump through anytime he is dealing with a woman, be it in the workplace or (more importantly) in the home. Holding shit over her head, making her earn everything, acting all confident, hiding his feelings, feigning aloofness, etc.

I call it the Transcendental Unity of Female Apperception.

PartyTimeMentats · 2015-07-04T11:44:39+00:00

Hire a Private Investigator.

frequentlywrong · 2015-07-04T10:39:31+00:00

like 60-80 hour weeks for 4 years. Netted 7 figures, loaded the kids college funds, moved to a nicer area and bought an awesome new house with cash.

but the though of being a beta provider is so repulsive to me, I have to get to the bottom of this.

You're the poster child of beta provider. Friend zoned by your wife while giving them everything you had. There is like 1/100 chance she didn't cheat.

How old are the kids?

4TBhdd · 2015-07-04T16:21:32+00:00

Holy shit, you're in the 7 figures range and things aren't better? I'm nowhere near that, and I've always thought that if I were, all problems would be solved. This is disconcerting.

"you never thanked me for that"

I'm finding this to be true. I am almost NEVER thanked for anything by women. (Guys will always profusely thank me for helping out with anything) No, I'm not seeking validation, but I'm just starting to wake up and notice this quirk about women.

ferengiprophet · 2015-07-04T12:38:44+00:00

First confirm that the kids are yours and then hire a private investigator to see if she has any extracurricular activities

GayLubeOil · 2015-07-04T18:28:42+00:00

You worked for a tech startup so obviously your good with computers. You can easily set up a man in the middle attack on your home network where all of the packets are recorded by a computer spoofing MAC Address. With WireShark you should have all of her passwords within three months of sniffing.

After that you can find her google/iPhone location data read all her social media and email data etc etc. You dont even need physical access to her computer.

real-boethius · 2015-07-04T07:32:01+00:00

You could send your and your kids DNA off to 23andme.com under false names of course.

That will 'incidentally' give you enough information to know if they are yours. You would not be able to use the evidence in court but you will know.

For finding out about other infidelity the best approach seems to be, to get one of her friends drunk and talking.

Agree with the others: fix yourself up and make her want you again. If that fails. prepare thoroughly for Plan B.

In negotiation theory they have a concept of BATNA. Always have a best alternative to a negotiated agreement. Or to put it another way, always have a Plan B.

frequentlywrong · 2015-07-04T13:53:39+00:00

moved to a nicer area and bought an awesome new house with cash.

If you're making that kind of money you should educate yourself in the ways of finance a bit. Paying cash for a house when interest rates are so low is stupid. Listen to this weekly podcast, it will teach you a lot about how the world works and how to use money: http://oneradionetwork.com/the-real-world-of-money/ In a very conservative and safe way.

Steve_Wiener · 2015-07-04T13:12:29+00:00

Hack her email, social media and phone.

If she goes out with her "friends" a lot or if she still goes to bars, it could be a sign.

lord-denning · 2015-07-04T13:49:42+00:00

No doubt, OP is in a difficult situation. But there is a very valuable lesson here.

I have seen many posts over the years claiming that cash is one way of becoming "alpha". Ripped, lean guys I know have claimed that cash was holding them back.

But what do we see? Even creating a million dollar portfolio and setting up the family for life gets our OP a dead bedroom.

There was a time when becoming a millionaire meant acquiring a host of alpha skills, because people were literally trying to take your money and you were trying to get into other people's pockets. You had to navigate complex business/social situation and decide when the threat of force had to be applied. There are still business environments like this all over the world (think Russia).

In our modern US society, being "alpha" and making money can have nothing to do with each other. There are loads of doctors, bankers, engineers etc pulling in big cash who are just really good employees, or really good entrepreneurs. These guys are classic BB and they are the ones that get fleeced again and again. They are sitting targets because they have been fed a pack of lies about the nature of women.

So do not for a second become complacent or think that getting some cash in hand is the ultimate tool. Cash can aid the smart individual, but the key remains the same: lift like a mofo, build your T, understand women's nature and approach regularly.

As for OP, your next steps are straightforward. As others have said, do not let on at all that you have a clue. Act normal. Take some time to understand the lay of the land and how you can improve your position should a divorce occur at some point. Talk to a lawyer, talk to friends that have been fleeced.

Once you have secured your situation as best you can, talk to the guys over at marriedredpill and absorb all you can. Employe soft dread and other techniques while improving the shit out of your SMV and ensuring a good relationship with your kids.

And dude, to do all you have done for your family and to not be regularly treated to spontaneous fun time in the bedroom is a fucking disgrace. Let this be a lesson to all of us - you can never take your eye off the ball, the game never ends. Good luck.

SIC_redditcruiser · 2015-07-04T15:40:58+00:00

Look up 12 levels of dread

[deleted] · 2015-07-04T18:45:02+00:00

[permanently deleted]

redpillshadow · 2015-07-04T15:55:00+00:00

Instead of doing high-fives and having wild sex in the end-zone, her bottom line assessment of those 4 years is: "you were emotionally unavailable" and "those 4 years were the hardest of my life".

Yeah, no shit honey, they weren't easy on me either, but I resent your feeling "oppressed" that you actually got to be a mother to your kids in a paid off house and not having to work.

I also bought her a vacation home and later remarked "you never thanked me for that" to which she replied "why should I?"

Fucking unbelievable.

Not unbelievable. Pretty much in line with red pill theory.

Paternity test for the children. And then invest as much energy in building yourself as you have in the business. Stop yourself short in the idea of doing it for her which it sounds like you were doing in the startup.

needathrowawayplease · 2015-07-04T16:00:41+00:00

Do you want to save things? Become a more attractive man. Dread game.

Better resources for you than this sub or the main trp sub.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/top/

https://archive.is/3dR2h

http://marriedmansexlife.com/

If you are set financially, why not just say fuck it and become that badass you used to be once again? Why not quit your job and go full-time on rock climbing, skydiving, and riding motorcycles? Or do whatever you find fun? Don't do it with the goal of impressing her, but if you enjoy your life and regain some of that stuff you might find she comes back around.

AfterC · 2015-07-04T16:19:14+00:00

What do YOU look like dude? Are you someone women would want to sleep with? I recommend you start getting some side, regardless. But discreetly, of course.

tantman · 2015-07-04T18:57:44+00:00

Thanks to everyone for all of the excellent comments and suggestions.

I will respond to individual comments also, to clarify.

My overriding emotion on TRP is GRATITUDE.

Down through the years, I've worked hard to rid myself of internal conflicts... you know that feeling like you've got your foot on the brake and the gas at the same time, that there is some fundamental disconnect, something very important I'm missing...

Reading TRP, it's like I've had all the cans of my six-pack, just not the plastic thing that holds it all together. This all puts so much together for me and makes so much sense... again, I am grateful.

Thanks you guys, this will undoubtedly have immeasurable positive effects on my life, no matter how it plays out...

tantman · 2015-07-04T19:56:06+00:00

Hey guys... a follow-on question: how can I find out about her past? Like if she was riding the CC in college? She belonged to a sorority, so I'm going to look into old online photos, etc.

Any thoughts or suggestions on how to REALLY know someone's past?

The mistake I made here was assuming that men and women are the same... sure I fucked around some, so if she did a little too, that's ok?

But I never really dug into whether it was really "a little" or if it was more like "a lot, and she cannot forget those wild Chad TC sessions"

roteroktober · 2015-07-04T22:44:04+00:00

buy a VAR and place it in her car. you can read more about that on the forum "talk about marriage", there is a forum section "coping with infidelity".

if you post there asking how to catch her you should get some decent advice.

i found the topic that will help you:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html

FedoraMGTOW · 2015-12-12T04:07:19+00:00

Have you gotten DNA tests on your children? That could be all the evidence you need that she cheated.

Title	How do I figure out if I'm being cucked?
Author	tantman
Upvotes	23
Comments	54
Date	July 4, 2015 5:28 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3c2r3q/how_do_i_figure_out_if_im_being_cucked/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-figure-out-if-im-being-cucked.150766 https://theredarchive.com/post/150766

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