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zaphaq
[–][deleted] [score hidden] 5 years ago stickied comment (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]trouble-kinda 103 points104 points105 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
IMHO-
She spent 7 hours waiting for you to fuck her, then left feeling rejected.
[–]zaphaq[S] 19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Maybe, I fucked up then. I really don't wanna be a creep and I just don't know when is the right time to initiate something. I have literally no feeling for these things. I hope with time & practice I know better. She was really cute and we could talk for hours. Damn. Thanks for the honest reply.
[–][deleted] 17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
But you met on Tinder......not Christian Mingle or Match for Seniors. You should have made a move.
[–]zoff1 0 points1 point2 points 4 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Slow definitely. I'd have made a move on you 💗🔥
[–]ginger_harry 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The thing is, women want you to escalate it, if they are into you. If you try some advances and they dont want you too, then its creepy and pushy. Its really down to you identifying what she wants you to do. Thats a bit of a catch 22 though, as you really need some (positive) experience with this to know whats going on. Which is hard if you have never done it.
[–]usernames-are-hard02 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I totally agree with all this but I also agree with why OP didnt make a move... I mean she had no body contact with him? During a seven hour date? I dunno that's pretty weird. I'd feel awkward to make a move too. I'm pretty touchy feely on my dates though so I'd be smooching after 3 hours 🤣
[–]mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link
Maybe she really likes you and wants it to be more than a quick bang?
[+]zaphaq[S] -7 points-6 points-5 points 5 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link
I don't know. It has been 2 1/2 hours now and I feel like if that was the case, she would have sent me a message already saying something about the date or suggesting another one. But she went complete silent so far. Gonna give it some time. I'm so confused.
[–]cryptedp 41 points42 points43 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Dude it has only been 2.5 hours relax
[–]TheOffice_Account 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's is an eternity in dog years. OP, be a good boye and wait till next morning at least.
[–]usernames-are-hard02 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am a girl and do think it's a lil weird. Usually I message a guy I like when I get home from the date and try to flirt him up (lol). Not all girls are the same though. Just give it time and wait to see if she messages! I wouldn't worry until like the 24 hour mark.
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Noooooo!!!! A woman will never text you first, especially if she likes you! And she seems like she does! She's probably waiting for your text! And since it's only been a couple of hours it's all still fine. Text her tommorow :)
[–]Btreeb 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Bullshit. Girls text first too.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah but not always. I almost never do it.. So I'm just trying to help OP.
[–]Btreeb 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I do understand you but the fact that "you almost never do it" doesn't mean that others won't do it either.
Having an interesting life may help more in this case I assume, as it makes it easier for women to open a conversation with you.
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]connecticut06611 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
How old are you?
[–][deleted] 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]connecticut06611 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Unless you’re a person who has experienced life, dating, and sex as a woman, you’re in no position to think it’s toxic. It’s really just common sense for women to protect themself. It’s having bare minimum standards. But oh you’re 18 so that explains everything. You have a lot to learn.
[–]oussamatha 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I have no idea who you're arguing with and what
[–]usernames-are-hard02 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I almost always am the one texting first 🤣
[–]sailormoon42020 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Why haven’t you texted her!?!? The fuk.. tell her she’s hot, you love spending time with her and you want to see her again!
[–]zaphaq[S] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Are you ironic or for real? I will text her tomorrow, it is after midnight already here in Europe
[–]sailormoon42020 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m for real!
[–]fjklm 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
If you haven’t already, send her a message telling her how great today was and you’d like to meet again. Do it now.
Why now and not tomorrow? It's almost midnight now doesn't it feel kinda weird to send a text now?
[–]fjklm 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My bad. I wasn’t aware of your time zone. Tomorrow is fine.
[–]BruddaRed 19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
BROOOOOOO!!!!! Okay let's take this from the top cause we gotta review what exactly is happenin here.
Quick first date is great especially from Tinder. She probably planted that seed with you incase she met you, wasn't feelin ya, n wanted to bounce. Buuuuut she was feelin ya HEAVY and that's why she stuck around. Y'all went to different locations and had a nice date, I saw in one of the comments below that you hadn't touched her at all, but that's okay because you still took her home!! Now for future reference, yes, you HAVE to touch and escalate through KINO. Start subtly and work your way up. A great way to practice this is think, two steps forward, one step back. Anyways, y'all back at your place cause she wanted to fuck. EVERY GIRL KNOWS WHAT IT MEANS TO GO BACK TO A GUY'S CRIB!!! That being they finna fuck or at the very least sex is on the table and certainly a possibility. You can ask any woman and they'll agree. But unfortunately that didn't happen because you were too concerned with making a move...
So here's what you need to learn from this. You need to initiate everything as the man. You claimed she never touched you, but that's where you pick up the slack and begin by touching her. I guarantee she'll start touching you as well. A little hand placement on the leg goes a long way, try going that when she says something funny or unbelievable. Then again, she went back to your place open to having sex with you, but 9 time outta 10 she's not going to be the one to initiate that with you on a first date. You have to be the one to initiate and see how far you can go, again... Two steps forward, one step back. Start kissing her on the lips, move on down to kissing her neck, feel her up a bit, she doesn't like that? Stop feelin her up and continue kissin her and try feelin her up again later. But with all that said I feel it necessary to make this clear so that there is no confusion, NO WILL ALWAYS MEAN NO so don't push it.
If you'd like to see her again, I would suggest waiting a few days, then invite her out to do something with you n see if she tags along. For example, "Wassup Jane, I'm feelin some tacos HEAVY rn and I wanted to see if you'd like to go get some with me later tonight"
[–]zaphaq[S] 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Thank you a lot for this analysis my friend! I appreciate it a looot. I really am a fuckin rookie with these things. I started recently and I am pretty lost most of the time. This is gold advice for me, thank you very much. I have a lot of problems with escalating and KINO. It is really a lot for me, has always been. I know I have to initiate, but I don't know how to read signs at all! So we didn't exactly go to my place, but to my office (which is like an apartment, because I work for a start-up, the office was empty on the weekend of course). It was too cold outside and we wanted to eat so I invited her over. So I didn't realize just by her accepting to come to my office she would be down to f. God, I need to learn so much. I failed this time, but I learn. Step by step brother. I will shoot her a message in a couple of days, just like you said. Invite her out without mentioning the first date where I obviously failed. THANKS.
[–]sailormoon42020 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You did not fail!
Thank you! What makes you think that? Most people in this thread seemed to think differently :)
Because you had a great time with her, spent ages together and had fun. She likely left wondering and hoping if you like her, and wondering if you want her.. Don’t think about success just being whether you got laid one time, but in fact what you have done is set things up for the potential to get laid many times haha
[–]diegggs94 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
My first thought..
Girl: yeah in Japan I met this guy and after we got tea I blew him while watching the sunset.
OP: looking at the sun heh, hey what’s your favorite kind of tree?
[–]Dontfeedthelocals 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Girl: I don't know, but I really love wood
she initiates intense eye contact while biting her lip
OP: Ohhhh, OK...
he stares across at her with a glint in his eye
Then you'll probably really like...
reaches into his bag enthusiastically
...THIS pencil?
[–]zaphaq[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
😂 ah Jesuuuus, I fucked up.
[–]Jhadiro 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Make a move. Even if the timing feels off. You're on a date, If you make a move and she doesn't reciprocate then great, now you know she isn't interested.
You just wasted both her time and yours.
[–]zaphaq[S] 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
You're right. I swear it sounds and looks so easy when I read it here, but in the moment I have some complete blockages with these things. I just don't know when is the right time to make a move, but maybe I'll never feel like it's the right time. Thanks for your honest reply, I need honest words.
[–]probablysomeonecool 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Escalation can be a big mental block, but it really doesn't have to be. You can literally just say "hey, quick question. Wanna make out a bit?" and you'll get a pretty good sense of where you are at. (Reminder that a fun, playful vibe, easily conveyed with a bit of a smirk/smile, helps heavily when flirting, so throw in a smile and maybe a wink with this question to really up its effect).
There are *better* methods (that's sort of just jumping in) but it eliminates all of the guess work, eliminates the need to "work your way up", and it also establishes consent pretty nicely.
Tons of other ways to make a move, I'm just suggesting that you can think outside the box here. Last serious GF I had, I took her home after a first date and asked her if she wanted to play a drinking game that I had made up. She expressed interest (and was intrigued by a game that I had made up, naturally). I handed her a beer and said here are the rules:
First, we drink - then we both took a sip.
Now, we kiss. And I leaned in and kissed her.
Boom.
At the end of the day even if you make a misstep you will still be learning, growing, getting better through practice. So pretty much the only true way to fail is to not even try.
Wishing you the best of luck!
Thanks, I will try the drinking game with the bottle for sure. Thank you!
[–]sailormoon42020 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You didn’t waste anyone’s time.. you probably actually made her like you more because now she will be like damn.. he’s a gentleman and not pushy so now it’s a challenge!
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I doubt this is the case.
[–]slowhandz49 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She’s wondering why you didn’t fuck her. You missed it buddy.
[–]BouncyBlue12 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
So it only went badly because you didn't end up f***ing? She gave you 7 HOURS of her time and then had to leave. That sounds like a great date. That being said.... You could have made a move if you had wanted to. She may have thought that you weren't interested if you didn't initiate any touching or a kiss. I would have left too.
[–]zaphaq[S] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I love how heartbreakingly honest you guys are, but it hurts hahah 😭 I didn't spend 7 hours with her because I didn't like her. I hope she saw that and doesn't think that I wasn't interested. I mean who spends 7 hours with someone who they aren't interested in. I fucked up anyway. Thank your for your radical honesty :)
[–]bdelgatto21 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Idk doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong. Maybe she was on tinder for dates, not a quick bang. She is getting to know you and feel comfortable around her
[–]sailormoon42020 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What makes you think this was a “failure”? Sounds to me like it went really well and she enjoyed your company so much she stayed all day!
[–]aloe_shearer 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
My mans you had a 7 hour window where she was talking about sex and kinky shit and you didn’t clap them cheeks. You done fucked up.
[–]zaphaq[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I did. It is what it is now. Maybe it happened for a reason? I feel like I learned a lot from this thread.
[–]aloe_shearer 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hey man the bigger the fail the bigger the lesson. Focus on the positives. A chick you just met wanted to fuck you straight away, you obviously did something right. You just need to learn how to read the signs.
Kudos though dude.
[–]joli7312 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Sometimes you gotta go Donald T on 'em...jus grab' 'em by the pussy
[–]FalconVita 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
😂🤣😂
[–]rockyroad25 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Did you initiate any kind of touching ? that's the big question. You mention "There was also no body contact from her side, no touching, nothing" . If she didn't initiate, you should've and see how she reacted. A 7 hour long date, plus she went from venues to venues with you, plus she talked about sex and kinky stuff. She definitely likes you.
[–]zaphaq[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I tried, I moved real close to her, sometimes we sat leg to leg, but I didn't know if it was okay to do more. The problem is also I have problems with self-esteem with myself, my looks, so it is tough for me sometimes to see if someone genuinely likes me or just is being polite. I didn't know if she was attracted to me, but now that all these guys are showing me these signs I see she obviously was. I just cannot read it, I couldn't see it. It is really hard if you don't speak the language, if you know what I mean. Gotta learn. This one is painful though.
[–]rockyroad25 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I have been there before. It feels painful the next few days. But you gotta look at the bright perspective. You did the best you could at that moment. But next time just stair step you know. Try touching her hands or arms, if she doesn't put her hand away you know she's ok with it, then say some flirty things like , you know stare at her eyes and be like "hey you know I really like your freckles" , then start getting closer, then maybe cuddle. Slowly you know stair step your way . Take your time .......But right now I feel you should text her at some point and say that you a good time with her and would like to see her again. If she replies with a positive well good, if she says "I don't know", then be honest with her and say you got a little bit nervous on the first date.......I am sure you'll feel way more comfortable on the second date with her.
Thank you very much! I will try the stair steps next time. I like the one with the freckles. She actually had freckles. It's so hard to do these things out of nowhere with no experience. Step by step. I will write her tomorrow, it's after midnight already in Europe.
[–]FalconVita 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Without a doubt, she is waiting for you to make the move. Damn, I feel sorry for you man! I feel sorrow by just reading this.
I feel sorrow too. I'm paying the price for missing out on this, she was real cute. 7 hour dates don't just happen for no reason. Really liked her. This one's on me. A man gotta learn. This is the way.
[–]FalconVita 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have been in the same situation as you, but two times and all failed. Gotta keep moving man!
[–]fjklm 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She did everything to let you know she is ready to fuck. I couldn’t believe the ending when I read it. Gotta learn my dude. All in good time.
I couldn't believe it too. This one's gonna sting for a while. Thank you my dude.
[–]K3ystr0k3 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
OP, I'm guessing that you're a nice guy who actually has something going for themselves in life, and is the kind of person women find 'non judgemental' - hence her opening up about her kinks.
She likes you, OP. And long as your attempts to escalate didn't come off as creepy, she's probably feeling DISQUALIFIED that you didn't make a move on her in seven hours.
Thank you for the honest reply - and for the compliment. I hope so. Any idea how to still save this?
[–]billsmashole 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like you didnt try to initiate any touching. Thats the impression i got.
[–]tacticalassassin 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
People do things differently, don’t take it personally. The only way to know for sure if what your feeling is valid is to ask her directly or go on another date.
[–]primallyours 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hey man, listen...
I know you’re getting medium roasted in these comments (warranted lol) but you learn a lot more from Ls than Ws, especially at the stage you’re at I’m dating experience. Nothing wrong with the L, reflect, take what’s valuable and let the rest make you cringe for eternity.
Get back on that horse sooner rather than later and try again. The only way is through, Daniel san. That goes for life in general.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
we sat close to each other
Did you initiate any contact? You have to play with your body language in this situation - touch her, rub her, kiss her neck, or something.
[–]zaphaq[S] 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
No, I feel like that would have been way too much in those situations. We sat close, but I didn't feel any energy or signs from her. She had a very hard time keeping eye contact. I think she was nervous but kept talking and talking. We sat literally right next to each other, but I didn't see any oppourtnity to touch her. I need at least some eye contact to start touching her leg or smth, she was avoiding eye contact a lot. But I don't get it, she had 7 hours to leave, why would she waste 7 hours and then just go?
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
"That would have been way too much?" My dude, she talked about sex, came over to your place... What else do you want? Her to open up her legs and say "come and do it?"
How old are you? In my earlier days, I did experience similar scenarios but I mean, she gave you all the signals that she wanted to hook up with you. Her lack of eye contact and being nervous are good signs. She wanted you to INITIATE, my dude. Women will give you all the hints and signals, but they will want YOU to initiate. But that is OK, you can try again next time.
And regarding "Why did she stay for 7 hours?", what did you expect? Spend the whole night?
Please don't take any of what I said wrong. Next time a situation like this happens - talking about porn, sex, etc, play along. Initiate flirtacious behaviour, touch her arms, etc.
Thanks for the honest reply. I fucked up, I see it now. I'm not that young, mid 20s, but I started dating recently. I have very little experience and basically all I know is from YouTube and Reddit. I will take your advice to heart. I have another date tomorrow with another girl, it's a 2nd one. I will do my best. Thanks again.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You need to touch her dumbass. She was pushing you to escalate and you were a coward
Will do next time. I fucked this one up. Paying the price now :(
[–]TTirpitz 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You didn't even escalate? Kino? Are you serious blaming this on her?
No I'm not blaming her at all. I am just confused. I got a big wake up call in this thread. I didn't even escalate, I fucked up my man. We all gotta learn somehow. This one stings a lot to be fair. I am paying my price for not doing the deed. Lots of sorrow on my side. I swear I didn't realize how hard I fucked up before this thread.
[–]TTirpitz 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah, you're supposed to get touchy with her so she's comfortable with that. This was an easy score. Better luck next time !
[–]IkoIkonoclast 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She was able to get tea, dinner, and a beer from a quick get to know you. Seems you were her meal ticket for the day.
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