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So a user who I cannot name due to the sub rules asked me what i think love is.... and I was stumped.

Not suprising considering I am a 30 year old hlkl virgin

That doesn't mean that i haven't ever fallen in love, but if i were to express what that felt like I am sure the mean old tooth lady would come along and talk about how childishly banal that concept of love is and only people who have been in mutual relationships would know what love is..... which i cant really refute.

Trying to recall what it felt like to 'love' someone, was like trying to look through smudged glass - the details are distorted and it feels like i was observing a stranger.

Best as i can tell, there seems to be a base attraction that was present most of the times I ever felt like i was in love. It feels like a physical force, inevitable like gravity. An inexorable pull dragging me and my eyes towards the other person. I felt more alive simply being around them. I wanted to know more about them, i was realy interested, but understanding them wasn't the goal. IN one specific case everything she did turned me off but the draw was persistent and all consuming. Truly, i would have agreed with anything she said to have her touch me, to breath the scent of her skin, to lose myself in her curls... it was at once uncomfortable and the best feeling in the world.

In another instance i felt the very same draw and i liked who she was as a person too.... It made the intensity stronger

She was stunning, and i was me. We were similar people, both wearing masks of the perfect son and the perfect daughter, but every now and then i saw a shift in her eyes that made me acutely aware that she was hiding herself. We became friends. She confided in me about her terrible life at home, the restrictions, the abuses, and it made me desperately sad. My heart hurt, i wanted to be there. I would have done anything to be her sanctuary. .... I listened to songs that reminded me about her. I used to look at her and try to memories the lines of her face to remember her exactly as she was when i was not with her.

As it turns out she was using me as an excuse to get out of her house. I was a smart kid and her parents wanted her to do well so going to my house for coaching was something her parents would agree with. She would leave early and hook up with a mutual friend of ours. I was stunned when i found out, but i didn't begrudge her the happiness. She was in a tough spot and if she needed to use me to get her happy ending, so be it ( they got married by the way, good for them)

Then there were relationships which were devoid of lust ( the draw) . These people were my friends. I cared deeply about them. I don't know if it was platonic or romantic but i would have done anything to make them happy.

One girl was pretty clear that we could be nothing but friends, so when i felt myself falling in love I was going to confess, but i saw her face. We were both pretty good friends so i could see that she didnt want me to confess, just as she could see that i was going to. I just smiled and shook my head, and she sighed with relief. I burried my feelings for her and got over it. I never felt like she was trying totake advantage of me or use me for attention, so i stayed friends with her without any reservations

the other girl ... she was over weight, and in a bad place. She felt unattractive and was crying in front of me. calling herself ugly. i was grieving there with her. I normal pride myself on being honest, and normally i would have tried cheering her up telling her about her positive qualities that had nothing to do with her looks.( that would have made it worse i am sure). At that moment i lied to her. Funny thing is it didnt feel like a lie at all, to me she was the most precious girl in the world. I pulled her close and held her, telling her that she was the most beautiful girl in the world while she sobbed into me. After 30 seconds she jerked herself out of my grasp and asked me to leave. We stayed friends but it stayed awkward after that. I took it to mean she didn't want me to be the one to call her beautiful.

What i am saying is that i think i know what love feels like. Both without sexual attraction, and with it.

In the present I have mutilated my own personality to stop feeling as shitty as i did and in the process i may have torn out some parts that made me capable of loving someone. I have never met a new woman worth knowing in the last 3 years. ... i don't see how i can ever fall in love if i want nothing to do with them....

I think a big part of my method of loving someone is to be able to empathize with them, to literal feel heartbroken when they are sad to feel elated when they are happy.....and now that i have stripped myself of it / or drilled into myself that i will never empathize for another person again, I think i may have destroyed my ability to love.

As an incel this is a good thing.

Love, breeds desire and desire breeds entitlement. Nothing worse than an entitled incel after all. Worse than rapists and abusers and all that.

But in-spite of accepting that conclusion , I am curious. I feel like an ant trying to gain self awareness. Gaining self awareness changes nothing for an ant, it will get crushed underfoot just as easily as it would without being self aware. But as useless as understanding love might be for an incel, i would like to know.

What is love to you people? Red-pillers, Blue-pillers, Sex-havers, whatever you are. Tell me what you think love is. For posterity sake.

Caveat -

Redpillers - I don't want to hear about chemical reactions in the brain. All emotions are chemicals in the brain. We don't disregard frustration and anger the way we disregard love as chemicals. Give an honest answer. Please. Just do me a solid

Women - if you bring up the man needing to have things that point to stability and ability to provide, i am sorry but i am gonna say that it isnt love but rather opportunism.

Also i may get uncomfortably jealous of your lives and express as much to you.