When did you realize that you aren't the problem?

Alarming-Injury-8941 · 2024-07-05T00:26:44+00:00

Half of lesbian couples end in orders of protection (OOP). 35% of hetero women report domestic violence and virtually all get OOP. Hetero men have the highest rate of unreported DV but petition roughly half of OOP and still 98% claim to be falsely accused. Gay men report DV around 8% and so few get OOP…. There isn’t even a stat.

Considering 500k married couples means 1m married people 980k same sex couples makes roughly 2m married homosexual people. That means that lesbians literally commit more domestic violence than men

So who really is the problem?

63daddy · 2024-07-05T00:22:10+00:00

It was the mid 90s. A lot of feminist patriarchy theory arguments I heard, I first heard back in the 80s when there was no real internet to verify or challenge what they said, so I tended to accept the wage gap and other feminist myths as true.

I can’t remember exactly what the topic was, but I remember something a feminist speaker said simply didn’t ring true to me and then being the mid 90s, I could look it up online and quickly verify my suspicion their claim was B.S. (It might have been the claim the wage gap measures equal work).

I started looking up all such feminist claims when they came up, often finding they weren’t true and seeing sometimes the opposite was true. Often when they claimed women were discriminated against, it was actually men who were, such as with affirmative action which was fairly strong at the time. I saw that many laws supporting or even advantaging women were pushed by male politicians, quite the opposite of men holding women back. I began to read how many laws and practices disadvantaging men were due to feminist lobbying efforts.

It of course took time to really realize the extent of the feminist propaganda and that not only were men not to blame, but much of what men were being blamed for wasn’t even true. However, there was definitely that one turning point where either common sense or something I had read told me the feminist claim I was listening to was a lie.

BuffToragsWarHammers · 2024-07-05T02:19:41+00:00

Barbie.

They really blew their wad way too soon on that one.

Told the whole world how they feel about men.

And expected us to sit down, shut the fuck up, and take it.

The matriarchy doesn't own us yet.

InPrinciple63 · 2024-07-05T02:18:29+00:00

Men being silently killed, harmed, etc: women most affected.

Jaded-Help1860 · 2024-07-05T02:41:07+00:00

When I found out about this case:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jasleen_Kaur_harassment_controversy#:~:text=After%20being%20acquitted%20Sarvjeet%20Singh,enquiry%20under%20Section%20340%20CrPC.

I was shocked and discovered a whole new reality. I had been brainwashed by the media into believing no woman could be wrong or do wrong and every woman had to be believed, but this one case, and the toll it took on the innocent man shook me to the core. He lost everything. It could’ve been me. Or you. Or anyone else who’s a man.

The entire media treated him so badly, and when the truth finally came out that he did nothing wrong, he had lost everything. The girl flew to another country and was never convicted. The court and the society and the media failed him. Everyone failed him.

This is when I realized that false accusations are a real thing and not every man harasses women. Too bad that it had to cost the poor man his career and reputation for me and many others to realize what a gynocentric crap our country had become. And the fact that so many innocent men have lived and still have to live under the same roof with actual rapists and criminals in prison sends a shiver down my spine.

dudester3 · 2024-07-05T04:48:00+00:00

Met a man waiting for paperwork at a family court office. I explained how screwed I was by my ex and wondered (privately) if he understood or thought me a whiner. He proceeded to tell me the parable of the 5 Monkeys, an apt allegory for marriage and Family Court for men, which at the time totally went over my head. I read about it later.

He definitely understood.

corporate_robot_dude · 2024-07-05T04:33:44+00:00

A big part of our life experience also comes down to the hand we were dealt with in life. Mostly that of economics, and looks. A dumb, but tall, handsome, and rich guy will have an infinitely better life experience than any combination of being poor/short/ugly.

Probably the number one factor in how others treat you is your appearances. When you are treated a certain way all your life, it ends up shaping your personality and life outcomes.

Actual_HumanBeing · 2024-07-05T08:15:06+00:00

Honestly, when I started working around women. They showed me everything I needed to know, live and in person. Honestly, the more I’m around women, the more information I have about them. Even tonight, living next to women, I’m witnessing their behaviors and it just confirms everything I know about them. 😩

g1455ofwater · 2024-07-05T06:12:15+00:00

I learned in elementary school that just because someone was in authority it didn't mean they knew what they were doing or that they were good at what they do. It basically taught me that if I don't confirm something for myself it's not trustworthy. So needless to say the haters of lonely men have no rational argument for their attitudes so I never bought into any of that at anytime in my life.

Sea_Treat7982 · 2024-07-05T21:30:05+00:00

It was when I lost all interest. When I pursued women, I always had this lingering feeling like I'm not getting what I pined for because of me. Then as I aged and my testosterone dropped accordingly, I realized that none of this circus called dating is my doing and I bear no responsibility in how the opposite sex treats me. It's not my fault that they come with other men's kids. It's not my fault that half of them have personality disorder. It's not my fault that they've been conditioned to think they're a 7 or 8 when they're actually a 4. It's not my fault that most are debt ridden and living paycheck to paycheck. It's not my fault that the men they chose before me have criminal records and stalk them. It's not my fault that a bunch of them are born agains in order to attract the type of guys they previously turned their noses up at. It's not my fault that they've bought into feminism and view men as competitors. It's not my fault. It never was.

It's amazing how liberating it becomes when you're not always having to correct yourself for faults that you never had. Just walk away and enjoy life.

gettin_paid_to_poop · 2024-07-05T19:52:28+00:00

First of all I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. It really sucks to lose someone and I sincerely hope you're doing OK.

I'm also glad that you got some kind words from a colleague. It can make a huge difference to know someone both doesn't judge you and wishes you well, and thinks you're doing a good job.

To answer the title question - when did you realise you aren't the problem - I think I first realised there was a problem with the "feminist agenda" a few months after I was exposed to feminist ideas/talking points (at uni).

I didn't have the phrase "double standards" in my vocabulary at the time but in hindsight that's exactly what it was. At the time the best I could muster was "that doesn't seem fair".

E.g. when a conversation about sexual assault on campus came up someone said that if a woman is drunk and has sex, then she was raped. Naturally the follow up question was "but what if the guy was drunk too, did they rape each other?" This conversation was happening on Facebook and it was a real shit storm.

When I tried to discuss with a housemate (who is/was a woman) she refused to hear reason and just repeated rape statistics to me. What I tried to lay out was that it's not fair to say a man has committed rape if the woman has had a drop of alcohol, and that the Facebook post was demonising men and allowing women to avoid accountability. In hindsight it was also doing damage to real victims of sexual assault, but that's another conversation.

Obvs this isn't really related to your topic of loneliness, but it was the first time I realised there was a big problem with the way feminist/other woke ideologies (I don't think "woke" was discussed at that time, I mean more so in later years) taught/encouraged their members to argue without "good faith". I.e. to employ many techniques that may make them feel that they have won the argument, but really they've been using flawed logic or manipulative tactics.

Examples:

• Having a generally hostile attitude

• False equivalencies - "silence is violence"

• Accusations - asking questions that imply or outright accuse the other side of something that they then have to spend time defending their character from the accusation instead of having the argument itself.

• Changing goalposts- they lean on something for their argument, and if you respond saying it's not true they reply that it doesn't matter, and move on to a new point

• Logical fallacies- there are lots of these, and they should be studied so that people can detect and navigate them. If you read up on them you'll find a lot will apply to the ways feminists argue.

This leads into male loneliness because lots of these techniques are used when discussing mens issues.

• "men have a mental health crisis" can often be met with "well yeah men need to talk about their feelings more". That can be both the start and the end of the conversation for many people. And in doing so they reject any responsibility for the issue, putting all responsibility back onto men.

There seems to be very little desire to look at whether they themselves could do something to contribute. If men were to share their feelings... how would they respond to that man? Many men (maybe most men) have a least one story of how something he shared was used against him later.

Anyways I've finished pooping so should leave it there, it's definitely too long as it is

SnapUrNeck55 · 2024-07-06T17:38:52+00:00

Just like over and over double standards and also getting blamed when it is someone else's fault. Just finally realized it is a politics/power game being played with disastrous consequences for the male victims.

Kir141 · 2024-07-05T05:49:00+00:00

Since childhood, I was lucky to independently understand that women lie a lot, are hysterical, manipulate and lie again. I realized that the problem was not with me and quite early on I began to call a spade a spade. As an adult, I learned that the worst traits of toxic femininity have the status of ideology. I was again convinced that the problem is not with me and not with men at all.

kiss_my_d · 2024-07-05T02:24:55+00:00

Most of the time , our mental health is because of ourselves . I have mental illness, breakdowns , depression anxiety etc because of my prolonged health issues which I thought I would never recover and succumb to. Most of the mental health problems should be taken care by the person itself by seeking therapy, care from family , going out with friends and colleagues, spending quality time with loved ones. The point you made though is , it's fine sometimes external factors does a lot of damage, the environment we live in, the people in our life , our career, our love life etc but we should be strong and stop blaming ourselves all the time. Instead love ourselves more than ever for what we truly are. We should start doing everything that would give joy to us and stay away from negative things and people as far as possible .

Don't blame your self.

Joker_01884 · 2024-07-06T11:35:42+00:00

After seeing the Redpill and MGTOW I understood that I'm not the problem

Title	When did you realize that you aren't the problem?
Author	Remybunn
Upvotes	133
Comments	30
Date	July 4, 2024 11:41 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1dvkitg/when_did_you_realize_that_you_arent_the_problem/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/when-did-you-realize-that-you-arent-the-problem.1523306 https://theredarchive.com/post/1523306

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